healing

Disentangle Your Cords of Attachment

Driving back home on Southern California freeways crowded with tourists taking advantage of the last glorious summer weekend…an ache in my breast, a dark shadow where the sun once shone, an eclipse in my existence…I left my daughter, my sunshine, at the university in San Diego.

 

How long I’ve prepared for this transition, how many soulful meditations, how many intimate conversations with so many other mothers who have gone through this phase of life. Yet in spite of all my work, during that last kiss goodbye, the cords that bound our hearts pulled so tight to nearly snap.

 

I released my son into the world four years before, but my daughter filled up the space that he left behind, so much so that now there is a void in my heart, in my home, in my life.

 

Having counseled my patients, hundreds of them, through life’s transitions, I should know better, I should take my own advice. Haven’t I told them how within the web of life, we float upon the river of consciousness, connected by invisible threads from heart chakra to heart chakra? Attached to everyone, and entangled with all we love, all we hate, all with whom we struggle.

 

So as a mother of an empty nest, some would advise that I cut the cord for her wellbeing and mine. But that is an old paradigm teaching and an illusion for we can never cut ourselves off from creation. We are all on the web connected together. There is only one of us here. We are all part of the One Consciousness, all cells of the One Being. Every cell in my body knows it is a part of me just like I am a part of the earth and the sun, the plants and the creatures. Research by neuro-biologist, Candace Pert PhD, has shown that even when cells, tissues, or whole organs are removed, that the cells “remember” where they came from responding more like the donor than the transplant recipient. And I am connected to my daughter, imprinted since her birth, no matter how distant she is from me.

 

I know this to be true, because I can feel her emotion, especially her fear…it has waken me up in the middle of the night when she has most needed me. I trust this connection even more so than my vision. It has served me as a mother and especially as a healer. I feel my patients’ dis-ease in the mirror of my being, but I have learned over the years not to embody their imbalances. Although connected to each and every one, I have learned to disentangle from the drama of being a healer and this is what I teach to my patients.

 

Imagine your life color as an infinitely strong gossamer thread emerging from your heart chakra to the heart of every other living thing. Each aspect of creation has its own color, born on the rainbow of light; its own vibration, its own sound. Imagine someone you are struggling with—your spouse, your child, your parent, your boss, whoever. What is their color? Imagine their cord and your cord braided together with knots scattered here and there. These knots represent your struggles, your difficulties in the relationship, your entanglements with each other.

 

Most of the people I counsel—my patients, my family, my friends—complain about the dramatic struggle within their relationships, know that they must make a change, come to me for help…and I tell them to disentangle from that being they are struggling with. We do the visualization together. They see their color, they see the color of the other person, they see themselves tied up in knots, they feel this entanglement literally as an ache in their breast, but when I begin to have them identify the knots in their cords of attachment, while they can name the problems that the knots represent, they have no idea how to untangle themselves. In fact most are afraid, most claim they cannot let go.

 

Upon the river of consciousness we all float, but entangled with others we struggle for breath, trussed together heart to heart, only one can breathe at a time, while the other holds her breath and prays. Everyone in our lives is a mirror to our souls, each reflecting back what we most need to learn, the judgments we hold of our humanity. What we like in another is what we appreciate in ourselves, what we dislike is what we need to change or accept in us.

 

How can you see in the mirror if your nose is pressed to the glass? That is why my patients struggle with disentanglement because they cannot see clearly what the lesson is in the struggle with another.

 

So I help them identify the most recent knot and going back in time a few more knots. Oh, they can name the knots, but not the gifts. What gifts? What could possibly be good about these struggles? Why, I tell them, every struggle is a gift that must be unwrapped. To receive the gift, first you must recognize it as a gift. Not all gifts have lovely exteriors in fact the most precious may be very ugly.

 

My Nana used to wrap up her garbage. Living in the city, the more compact the trash, the more likely the trash man would take it away, except Nana used to wrap it so nicely that Poppop would find it left on the step. The trash man thought it was a gift, so lovely was the wrapping. You see, you can’t always tell by the wrapping; life’s gifts are rarely wrapped so nicely.

 

My husband struggled with letting our daughter grow up. Once when he overstepped his parental boundaries, she told him after raising him for eighteen years she was done! He cried, “but I don’t know how to let you go.” She turned him over to me, “Mom, remember those cords of attachment? Dad needs your help.”

 

So I explained the concept and he amazed me by visualizing their life colors just as I do. He is forest-green, she—golden as sunshine. He could see how they were tied together in a lovely fishtail braid, and he could see the knots, especially how they struggled with her growing independence, but he couldn’t see the gift in lifting her curfew and allowing her some freedom before she took off to college. He could only see the sleeplessness until she arrived home at night, the worry about her making safe decisions. I pointed out that unlike his good friend who had not loosened the reins on his daughter, my husband after weeks of suffering adapted slowly albeit surely, finally falling asleep well before she arrived home. When she is away at college, he will rest, but his poor friend will not.

 

My husband agreed, but still struggled with receiving the gift of the knot, claiming, “I don’t want to let her go.” Heartbreakingly honest. Fearing to let go, fearing that we may not be able to float on our own in the river of consciousness, not trusting that we are still connected, we struggle and tighten the knots.

 

I did this same exercise while writing my first book, LoveDance. I wrote from the perspective of the heroine and like most novelists I used those in my life to base my characters. Envisioning how “Mary” would disentangle her cords of attachment to “Teoma”, I realized I must disentangle from my husband. For three days, he refused to go to work, sick to his stomach. I didn’t have a chance, while nursing him, to do the meditation let alone write it. Finally he returned to work and I opened myself to receive the gift of the encounter with my laptop. While writing Mary’s disentanglement from Teoma, I disentangled my violet life cord from my husband’s vibrant green. The knots of our most recent struggles all the way back to those formed when our son was born prematurely. The older knots were so well fermented I could sip the sweet wine of their gifts easily. The more recent knots—like our struggle with our changing roles as parents and the interference writing a book brought to our daily life—were more acrid in their newness, but I took the bitter cup and using the lubrication of love, found the gifts.

 

Mary and I floated free, breathing easily in the river of consciousness, while Teoma struggled to cling to the bank feeling very much abandoned. The moment I pushed “save”, my husband called. He was having a horrible day and “felt abandoned.” In spite of my reassurance, it took three weeks of repetitive visualizations before he relaxed and I no longer felt the painful ache of his sense of abandonment mirrored in my heart.

 

Now I did this same visualization with my son, disentangling my violet from his indigo. My knots of expectation in his success in school were more difficult to unravel than the original knot between us representing his difficult birth. All the challenges of his prematurity and his numerous endocrine problems became one of my most profound gifts. He is why I do what I do, why I became an expert in clinical neuro-immune-endocrinology. The more recent knot representing my struggle with allowing him to be on his own, trusting that he would be safe and happy in a world without my constant maternal influence was a bit more difficult. The well hidden gift turned out to be…accepting my transformation as a mother from nurturer-protector to confidante-advisor. In accepting him, I accepted myself. Twenty-four hours after I loosened the last knot between us, my wise son called me from college in San Francisco. “What are you doing down there, Mom? I feel lighter than ever!” I explained the disentanglement and he encouraged me to continue and “let go of us all, even yourself, and see, how enlightened you can be.”

 

So I did. Each and every significant person in my life, I disentangled from, I felt more and more free and my relationships with each person changed, transformed by love into something finer. I even disentangled from all I believed myself to be—a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a healer, a woman, even from Deborah—and discovered my truth, which is joy.

 

Since disentangling from our daughter while she was a sophomore in high school, now that the time had come to let her grow up and go away to college, I am handling it better than I did with my son. With him, my body reminded me of the pain of birthing…I suffered from a sciatic condition (just like when I gave birth) that lasted from the moment I helped him fill out his college applications to the day I drove him up to the University of San Francisco. Now with my daughter, the pain is a bittersweet heartache, not physically manifested. The kind of ache that actually feels good, like watching a sad movie and crying your heart out and knowing the joy of being human is to feel passionately.

 

In fact my ethereal connection with my children has been so acutely enhanced since disentangling from them, that I realize the knots of my entanglements interfered with the clarity of my perceptions. Since letting my daughter grow up, I sleep soundly, only twice bolting out of bed, feeling her panic and calmly contacting her (via the telephone, since telepathy is difficult through the veil of fear) and all was well. I’ve taught her to trust the inner knowing and realize that through trial and error she will learn to ride the wave of our ethereal connection.

 

Actually when it came time to escort our daughter to college, my husband did pretty well. He cried of course, and while at first resisting disentanglement, he admitted to having worked on it and yes, he felt lighter, less fearful, more willing to let her go and trust she will be well. And we have both begun to receive the gift of her leaving, becoming closer than ever, falling in love all over again—just the two of us.

 

So how might you release the illusion of your entanglements? Envision your life color, whatever comes to you is fine, then envision the color of the other person. Your red cord and her blue cord are braided nicely for the most part, but knotted in places. Like a precious necklace entangled into the thread of a silk sweater you do not want to break either, but carefully loosen the knots using the lubrication of love. I live near the beach and off the coast, derricks pump oil from the floor of the Pacific Ocean. Often I come home with tar stuck to the soles of my feet. Only oil gets it off—like dissolving like. These knots in your cords of attachment seem like tar, but they are gifts of love and only the lubrication of love can dissolve the knots. If you look with eyes of love you can find the gift in each knot. It’s not easy, but after two or three knots, the entangled cords start unraveling, setting you free to float in the river of consciousness. You do not need to share with the person you are releasing what you have done, but your relationship WILL change.

 

No matter how ugly the wrapping, there is always a gift of love waiting to be discovered. So just let go. Disentangling your cords of attachment will free you to be your truth—the most precious gift of all.

 

Why LoveDance?

I meant to write a healing book, you know the kind, a self-help manual based on my expertise… Everyone has a story: why they do what they do, how they became who they are in the world. And I have mine.

In 1984, I gave birth to a premature baby who stumped expert endocrinologists with numerous hormonal challenges. Defying medical advice, I orchestrated the care of my firstborn by learning everything I could about how hormones affect developmental behavior. My intuition proved correct—our healthy son is now a beloved teacher. In spite of my traditional training as a nurse practitioner, what I learned as a patient and a parent sparked an expertise in holistic neuro-immune-endocrinology, the interface, I believe, between the bio-physical and the psycho-spiritual being.

Through my own bio-psycho-spiritual journey, I evolved into an intuitive healer capable of honing in on the biochemical interconnections of human physiology and relating them to symbolic imbalances as lessons on a patient’s soul path. Spiritual gurus, psychological geniuses, and fully grounded but very ill patients from around the world presented themselves to gain insight on the wellbeing of their physical forms. Yet, I learned the most from the children.

In 1988, my daughter was born beautifully whole and much more work than my premature son. Although developmentally advanced, speaking by six months and reading at three, he struggled in his body, while she delighted in her humanness. Forcing us all to stay awake, she candidly shared her interdimensional experiences, in constant communication with my dead grandmother, so connected to her father that at any distance she knew what he was feeling, claiming with innocent assurance that they had been father and daughter in a past life, and like I did as a child, could lay her hands on someone and “know” what ailed them.

Meanwhile, my son struggled in school and at eight, asked to see a “brain doctor.” The psychologist insisted that with his intense brilliance, he could not have attention deficit disorder, but my son insisted on being tested with the “video game.” The psychologist was floored. How could a child know about the newly developed computer program used to differentiate learning disabilities? I just shrugged; his uncanny knowingness was part of our life. When my son agreed to submit to traditional therapeutics, “only, Mommy, if I do not lose my dreams,” again, I was challenged to find a natural solution to his dilemma. Of course, the universe presented lots of opportunities for growth as pediatric patients were brought to me by their parents.

After much research, I began treating my autistic and learning disabled patients nutritionally. While gladly mixing the “brew,” squeezing oil from capsules, carefully measuring powders, their parents asked me to create something easier. So by 1998, and after many exhaustive but futile attempts at finding the nutritional connection between genetics and the hypothalamic orchestration of the neuro-immune-endocrine system, I surrendered to the advice of my children and prayed.

Every night for three months, I had the same dream in which my most hormonally challenged patients came to drink from a chalice I held. We never spoke, but intuitively I knew they were better. I awoke every morning asking what was the golden liquid in the cup. The first answer came as seven letters, I thought were Hebrew, but later found were Aramaic. Amazingly they translated into the same single letter denotations used for the seven amino acids I had been studying related to the hypothalamus.

And that’s how my nutraceutical formula, Genesis Gold®, was born. Under its influence, I began to write about my journey, but it would be another five years before I realized the significance of initially receiving the formula in Aramaic. All through my years of healing, friends, family, colleagues, and most enthusiastically, patients encouraged me to write. They appreciated my unique take on healing, how I married eastern and western philosophies into successful therapeutics, how I seemed to know just what was out of balance to restore wellbeing, and how passionately I shared anecdotal stories from my life as a healer, wife, mother, sister, daughter. So in the summer of 2003, I began to write the book I had promised my patients.

But it didn’t go as planned. I had no idea how to put it together, no muse, no nothing, until September 15th…

I had a dream. I was walking down the dusty streets of Nazareth, fine linen flapping about my legs, my sandals gathering debris, as I hurried along anxious to meet my friend. Then I was there, in a humble courtyard, looking into the eyes of a boy I knew very well. In the dream, I was fourteen-year-old Mary, the soon to be bride of Yeshua.

Once the opening chapter was recorded, the muse did not leave my side day or night for eight months. I didn’t know why Mary’s story came to me. I wasn’t religious, nor particularly interested in history, but I was compelled to record the voice of the woman history had forgotten. I lived and breathed nearly every aspect of her story while typing like mad.

Here was a muse I couldn’t deny. Never once did I suffer writer’s block, but it wasn’t easy to humanize the man deified by so many in the eyes of the woman the world believed was far from his wife. Yet how could I deny the intimate details that came in dreams and visions, some even…in Aramaic!

My poor husband, always supportive, feared for my wellbeing, but as my son put it: he could believe my experience was the product of an unstable mind or he could believe in my inter-dimensional connections, deepen our relationship, and thus gain spiritually himself. Fortunately, my husband chose the latter.

I struggled to write Mary and Yeshua’s journey to Qumran for what I saw was so very different than what the scholars of the Dead Sea scrolls believed, so I called my dear rabbi friend. She advised that I forget two thousand years of what I was taught to believe was history as interpreted by modern Victorian Christendom and just “be Mary.” Six months later, she called to inform me that Israeli archeologists had just discovered evidence of what I wrote. I ceased denying why this story came to me and just relaxed to birth it into the world.

Being Mary changed my life. By embodying the energy of the divine daughter, recognizing her in others, and reaping the benefits, I became my truth. I’ve always been a cup-half-full kind of person, sensually oriented and passionate, probably from my hot-blooded Italian family, but somehow through writing this book, life became even more joyful. I chose the first person present tense narrative because that’s how it felt to me. The synchronicities between writing her story and my own have been amazing—as I wrote, it would become manifest in my life.

As Mary progressed in her awakening, so did I.

I opened to admitting to my patients that, yes, in spite of my scientific training, I intuitively diagnosed and treated them. Appreciating my honesty, they began challenging me to further my healing gifts, especially encouraging me to divulge the lessons from the book. Family, friends, and even patients clamored to share in the experience, so I released chapters of the first draft for feedback. It should have been no surprise that my readers had transformational experiences, but I was in awe because that’s what happened to me.

I always believed in the profound potential within each of us. That’s how I believe healing occurs. It’s already encoded; we just have to tap in to the potential for it to become manifest.

My understanding of human consciousness is an evolution of the Mother-Father-Son-Daughter aspects of the Divine. Originally, I believe, humans worshiped the earth as the Divine Mother, her body was ours. Then we looked into the cosmos and envisioned the Divine Father as spirit. In the last two millennia, avatars teaching in parables initiated a revolution of the mind, and ever since the Divine Son has been the center of religious worship.

Now the time is ripe for the Divine Daughter to manifest in human consciousness. She is emotion weaving the mind, body, and soul into Sacred Unity with All That Is.

I believe Mary Magdalen was the original embodiment of the Divine Daughter achieving Sacred Union with Yeshua, the embodiment of the Divine Son.

Although lost in history due to the fear-based struggle between politics and religion, her story is fortunately being remembered. I am blessed to present my rendition of Mary’s awakening to you. Writing from her perspective helped me remember who I am and why I’m here. Sharing in her journey may help you gain a remembrance of your truth.

As it turns out, I did write a healing book. Everything I wished to teach—the bio-psycho-spiritual healing lessons—are in LoveDance. In story form, the way a beloved avatar taught some two thousand years ago.

What is LoveDance?

Most of you know me as an intuitive healer, a hormone expert…and that I teach through story.
Well, LoveDance is the story of a young woman coming into her Sacred Feminine power through intimate relationships. It’s the story of awakening to the truth of our being…as told by its heroine—Mary Magdalen.

“After hearing about LoveDance, I ordered it immediately and could hardly put it down while reading. It has been a wonderful journey. All my life have I felt a big connection to Maria Magdalena and this connection has been enhanced with this book. I find in myself many of the qualities of the Divine Daughter: dance, sexuality, seduction, innocence, strong connection within, inner wisdom and power and ability to see the best in people (I could go on). It is so lovely to have read your book and recognize and awake these qualities within myself.” 

Marleen Renders

I meant to write a book on hormones and natural healing when I dreamt I was Mary dancing down the streets of Nazareth. In the ten years since Mary’s story came through me, I awakened to my Sacred Feminine wisdom. My relationships have healed and blossomed. I am living my LoveDance.

And so many readers have shared Mary’s journey through LoveDance and have healed as well.

“Thank you for such a beautiful book. Oh my G-D! Your book encompasses the best of everything I ever read. I absolutely adored it. Provocative, engaging, universal truths expressed through a fabulous character—so loveable and believable. “

Thank you, Gretchen Monak, La Jolla CA 

Healing the body is often the focus of medicine, yet without addressing soul issues, physical healing is difficult.

“What an experience. There was a beautiful transmission and  healing that happened to me in reading this book…..I met the divine  embodied feminine. I didn’t read LoveDance with my mind; I read it with my  body. Thank you, Deborah.”

Susan Dasch MFT PhD, San Diego CA

 imageIn LoveDance, I address relationship issues, parenting issues, letting go,
disentangling cords of attachment, the process of death and dying, the symbolism of disease– all through the eyes, voice, and heart of a woman that history mal aligned.

“My life study has been Mary Magdalene. I have followed any story known since I was about 3 years old. Even then I knew that the church was off in their statements about her. I knew she was “The Beloved” of Jesus. I have found “Love Dance” to warm my heart and feed my soul in the most loving experience of Mary I have ever danced with. I find the history and actual Jewish law to be most accurate in the story again placing a smile on my face as I read, the truth shall indeed set us free. 
I love this Dance and I love Deborah for having the spirit to bring it into life.” 

Thank you so very much. 
Ondinnonk,  Anae Campbell ND PhD New Mexico


Unveiling HerStory was difficult. What I saw in visions and dreams did not match what I was taught, yet much of what I wrote has been discovered since. Perhaps when one of us remembers, all begin to heal.

May You Embody Your LoveDance,

Intutitive Integrative Medicine

Deborah Maragopoulos

Deborah Maragopoulos MN FNP-BC

The Hypothalamic Connection

 

The good news is that I’ve been getting a lot of questions related to the hypothalamus lately.

The bad news is that there are so many people not getting hypothalamic help.

This is a classic question that I believe should be addressed in detail:

I showed my naturopath the ingredients of Genesis Gold and he said “You have been on several of these but perhaps it is the combination of them that could work.” Is it the actual combination of ingredients? Do my symptoms sound to you as though they are hypothalamic in nature? (severe exercise intolerance, temperature intolerance, gastrointestinal issues, brain fog, insomnia, hormonal problems, constant/frequent urination, anxiety, fatigue coupled with strange frenetic energy, etc…) 

 

Yes, it is the combination of ingredients…that works.

And Yes, I do think it is your hypothalamus that is the root of your problems.

When I first started treating hypothalamic dysfunction fifteen years ago, I was prescribing multiple bottles of supplements for my patients then was constantly adjusting dosages. I found that putting it together allowed for lower dosages and better results.

Think of it like Mrs Field’s Cookies. While all chocolate chip cookie recipes have the same basic ingredients, her recipe produces a superior cookie.

Yes, Genesis Gold has all the herbs and micronutrients to support the neuro-immune-endocrine system that are typically recommended for hormonally challenged patients, no where else will you find them all in one bottle working together to balance the hypothalamus.

Sacred Seven contains all the same amino acids you will find in free form aminos, yet it’s the way they are put together that is specific to supporting the hypothalamus.

A very challenging patient with hypothalamic dysfunction consulted with me two months ago. With adrenal deficiency, thyroid imbalance, glucose intolerance, depression, anxiety, insomnia, vestibular imbalance (meaning she could not walk without support due to severe neuromotor dysfunction) plus no sex steroid production after a total hysterectomy, this patient was at her wit’s end.

Now on disability, she had been to seven different medical specialists over the past ten years, five different alternative healers, and multiple supplements by her own research. On her own accord, she stopped everything except some bio-identical hormone replacement therapy and started taking Genesis Gold.

Two weeks later, she came into the office walking on her own. She was sleeping, had more energy, and experienced a stability in her moods that was unparalleled by all the anti-depressants, anti-anxiety and other natural and illicit mood stabilizers she had tried over the years.

The key to her healing, I believe, is that she was ripe. She had done all her homework, tried lots of other therapies, and finally sat before me and surrendered to healing.

In the past, the patients who have not had such dramatic healing, well, they were not ripe…not ready to heal… She actually said, “I surrender to whatever healing you have in store for me.” And then she did the work.

It took work to accept healing. She had no idea how resistant she had been before taking Genesis Gold. Oh, that is one of the gifts of Genesis Gold, you become very aware of what your body needs, what you need emotionally, how your relationships affect your health, how your past affects your health, how your environment is helping or hindering your healing. Then over time, you learn to make the changes necessary to heal completely.

It may seem strange that a supplement could affect your psycho-emotional, body awareness. Yet that is what I intended when I created Genesis Gold. I intended it to upregulate the DNA to optimize health to heal body, mind and soul. And that is what has happened over the years. It just happens faster when you are ripe for healing…like fruit, then it’s sweeter. If you try to force healing, it’s like picking unripe fruit…the results are bitter…and may be seen as side effects.

A few of my past Genesis Gold patients had side effects due to detoxing so stopped taking it. Then years later, they come back and start again…and guess what? No side effects! They realize that they were not ready before.

I have learned to accept that I cannot force healing, that the patient heals herself, I am just a coach, an advisor, a cheerleader during the healing process.

I hope this helps you. I know it’s helped me clarify the healing process.

 

Thank You!

 

Deborah Maragopoulos MN FNP

Intuitive Integrative Health

www.genesisgold.com

 

Mucking Parasites

This morning I was mucking the corral, removing the old sodden straw from under the oak tree that my mare likes to lie under. The green swampy aroma of wet hay brought me back three and half decades as I remembered sampling the same kind of muck for my freshman biology class—the beginning of my love affair with science.

Mucking is hard work. I’m sure to feel it later. But the swampy soup of microbes living under this matt of straw must be moved. It’s not good for the oak tree and it’s not good for my mare. Unfortunately her wet slimy bed is contributing to the thrush in her hooves.

We live in a world of microbes. Some are parasites—feeding off of us, infecting us, weakening us. Some are symbiotic—helping us digest our food, protecting us from pathogens, breaking down our waste.

Thrush is horse fungus.  A parasitic microbe.

As I cleared the muck under the oak tree, I knew the sunlight would clear this parasite. The ground would dry enough to lay down fresh straw and my mare will be delighted. Fresh straw for a horse is like catnip for a kitty. She’ll be in heaven. And free of parasitic thrush.

How many times have I diagnosed parasites in my patients? Fungal infections, viral infections, intestinal parasites—all feeding off their resources, taking a toll on their health and wellbeing.

How many times have their parasitic infections been a reflection of their parasitic relationships in their lives? Human parasites—codependent relationships with loved ones and friends, emotionally abusive relationships at home and at work.

Parasitic relationships—inside and out.

Enlightening my patients as to the relationship between their internal parasites and those parasitic relationships in their external world helps begin their healing process. They recognize the connection and see the symbolism of their body’s language.

We all have skeletons in our closets. Old wounds, traumas, issues of dysfunction from childhood, from past relationships. Once we begin cleaning out our closets, we become aware of our parasitic relationships. Sometimes our body has to mirror the parasitic relationships as infestations before we recognize our human parasites.

And Genesis Gold often brings our parasitic relationships up to the surface of our consciousness. I created Genesis Gold to heal maladaptive genetic expression–one of which is vulnerability to parasites. Our body mirrors our soul’s lessons. Genesis Gold illuminates that which no longer serves, so we might release it.

As we begin to choose symbiotic over parasitic relationships, our reality shifts.

Dis-ease heals.

Relationships heal.

Yet like mucking a corral, mucking out parasites is hard work!

Parasites don’t give up easily. So be prepared for die off. Your parasites, whether they be microbes or humans, will hang on for dear life. They don’t want to be cut off from the source—of food, of finances, of emotional support—no matter how damaging for you.

Don’t give up. Stay the course. Treat the parasites. Then wait. They will come back. To test your vulnerability. So treat them again!

You’ll be sore. But it’ll be a good sore. Because you’ll know that you are choosing symbiosis.

Choosing to live in mutually beneficial relationships with everyone—microbes and humans alike.

So when the time is ripe, dig in and muck out your parasites—inside and out.

The Father and I are One

Since the beginning of the year, the 11th of each month has felt…well, different. After the Japanese earthquake, I was sure I wasn’t the only one feeling the 11th. So I googled it and found the 11th of each month described as vibrational portals leading to 11-11-11. On 4-11-11, I felt compelled to hold ceremony so I called up Grandmother Kathy and took her to the beach. In sacred ceremony we gifted the ocean with the intention of healing the earth. I felt this intense energy coming from the sun…no actually through the sun and recognized the galactic center blessing us. On the wet low tide sands, I danced the sacred union of Father Sun and Mother Earth…what an amazing experience!

Lately, I keep seeing multiples of 11 every time I look at the clock (11, 22, 33, 44). I looked up the significance of these master numbers and calculated my numerology number by birth date and it is 22…but still this doesn’t settle my soul…something more is up.

On Monday, in spite of having accomplished everything I need before our vacation commenced, I awoke with a vague melancholy. Then I realized the date…7-11-11…and felt compelled to hold ceremony again…but what? Trusting all would be well I opened my journal in hopes of inspiration and…. it came to me…

…These portals are DNA activations! In alignment with the chakra’s…the first three were not as noticeable to me (I can only guess that these layers are well activated by Genesis Gold), the fourth felt like a celebration of the heart chakra…Love… the fifth and sixth were subtle, yet this seventh was in alignment with work I’ve been doing regarding the Pineal gland. And I have always known the crown chakra to be a connection to the heavens, the multi-dimensional universe. Perhaps why we bow our head in prayer, exposing our crowns to the mouth of God.

At the same time, healing the split with the Divine Masculine has come up in my women’s circle. I began this work exactly a year ago, composing and publishing two articles regarding the Divine Masculine before I was hit with Death…there my focus lie for months through the Karmic Imprint retreat and well after as I released all that no longer served my soul.

I have taken steps to heal my relationship with my own father and while it’s going well, still the Divine Masculine is up again…wanting to be healed in my soul, in the collective feminine, in the world…

I spent my early days as the divine child…androgynous in my being…then embodied the divine son energy using my mind to make my mark in the world, emerging ever so cautiously as the divine daughter…first as lover, then wife, then mother, then peace, oh blessed peace with my sacred femininity as I consumed the bounty of the Earth Mother in Genesis Gold. Then I wrote my experience in LoveDance…the Divine Daughter well rooted in me…that was 8 years ago…over the past year and a half, struggling to compose book two of the LoveDance series, I have been excavating the father wound…naming it, writing it, praying about it, then acting upon it. Knowing that this year, 2011—the year I celebrate my 50th birthday—the time is finally ripe to become whole.

During a guided meditation in my women’s circle, I saw an image of my higher self. And felt compelled to create Her into form. I took my joy to my Q&A journal where I converse with my higher self and she assured me that my hands would “remember” how to form clay. And they did…

Ascencion

This sculpture that I created under the midwifery of Grandmother Kathy—I call Her, Ascencion—is my Higher Self formed from clay. Not only feminine, but in sacred union with the masculine. That is who I am now. She is who I’ve become in my 50 years on earth. Finally balanced.

When it was time to bring Her home after months of work, I was feeling trepidation. Excitement, yet trepidation too. Then I was cast back to 1984, driving to UCLA to pick up Jarys from the NICU…my life forever changed then…and now it would be changed again.

Since bringing Ascencion home, my life has changed. My relationship has deepened even more with my beloved husband. My relationship with my mother has become more refined. I have truly released my son and he is blossoming. My daughter grows in leaps and bounds and no longer am I entangled with her. My relationship with my sisters is blooming…no drama at the last family gathering. And being with my father was joyous….Thank God!

After witnessing the heartfelt struggle with patriarchy from the women in my circle, I took my heavy heart to my beloved husband who shone some divine masculine light of wisdom upon me. Then I sat in counsel with my higher self, consulted with wise women and wondered when this Father Wound would be finally healed. For Blossoming Spirit—the theme of our upcoming retreat—to emerge at the fall equinox, balance must be reached.

Before we met for our first planning meeting, crow left me a feather…I was bringer of the Triple Goddess Tarot Cards from which our women’s circle would choose. I had tied the triple goddess colors of white, red, and black around the crow feather and the eldest “crone” of our circle used the feather to divine the card. Blossoming Spirit was chosen—card number 5, the hierophant—with a strong rejuvenation theme. Just what I dreamt for our next retreat.

For three weeks, I asked crow for another feather having given up the beautiful one to the circle. And only after I abandoned the search and went on a carefree run with Charlie in the meadow to find a black and white feather…balance…only then did crow grace me with a pure black feather under the orange tree—where I pick sunshine to consume every morning before greeting my animals and old man crow!

So on 7-11-11 at 11:11 dressed in violets, I lay under my oak tree to meditate.

And for the first time since I was a child, I felt the presence of Father God. He spoke to me. Explaining that it took this long for me to bond well with the Divine Mother, to discover my truth and transform from human doing to human being…to live as the embodiment of the Divine Daughter and encompass Divine Mother energy into my life with deep honoring of the Divine Grandmother.

He showed me how easily I partnered with the Divine Masculine in Steve and received it in other men. How bravely I tried to heal my relationship with my father …yet still I searched for guidance from the Divine Father.

In answer to my heart prayers of healing the father wound, He came.

And showed me, me as light! A juicy brilliant orange-red began the light show and I felt filled from root to belly…hormonally rejuvenated. Then lime green darkening to peridot as the light rose from solar plexus to heart. The greens deepened to a glorious teal, fluid and dancing with lovely lilac in the center…my heart filled. Then my throat alighted in clear blue, brilliant as the sky and here where I hold trepidation, finally healed by the blue light of truth. Then my head filled with violet, not purple of my youth, but a deep violet that circled around to red and became fuchsia. My new auric color! He showed me that I’ve come full circle and begin again at 50.

The communication was long and deep. For I saw my own DNA dancing. Not the double helix formation but a spiraling spherical star of DNA, many layers deep, no, not layers, He said, not stacked but intertwined, and I looked deeper and saw brilliant strands dancing figure eights of infinity, meeting in the center of the star sphere, some switching partners, some dancing in triplets…Seven lit up brilliantly…four more dancing in the shadows, and the last yet to be enlightened.

All the while Father God spoke to me. He explained how he watched over me all this time through the eyes of crow. My deep connection to this magical black bird that so many fear…it was serving My Father. The one I turned away from so long ago.

No judgment, no sorrow during this glorious reunion with My Father. Only light and love. Exactly what I ask for every time I feel fear. That my fear be lifted and I be filled with light and love. And now I know it has been Him…answering my prayers.

Oh, I am still very much one with My Mother. She flows through me….and I felt Her great Joy as I received Him. She held me in her arms as She presented me, Her Divine Daughter, to My Father. I am so blessed.

I arose at 11:55, 44 minutes in divine communication. I am profoundly affected…the light was so healing…I know now what Yeshua meant by My Father and I are One.

THE DIVINE DAUGHTER’S BACK!

I envisioned this blog to be one of Remembrance. Remembering the Divine Daughter—Mary Magdalen, the original Divine Daughter and the heroine of my book—LoveDance: Awakening the Divine Daughter—Yet now two years after the last post…I find myself needing to unveil…again… 

LoveDance: Awakening the Divine Daughter helped me heal the Mother Wound…the original separation from the Divine Mother…as my heroine Mary Magdalen awakened to her truth as the Divine Daughter…so did I…and in doing so received the fullness of the Divine Mother. I reconnected to Her…embodied in the Earth…enlivened in the hearts of so many women here in Ojai…mothers and grandmothers who receive me…as if I am the Divine Daughter…and I feel it. I see the Divine Daughter energy in so many others…women young and old and even a few precious men… Time to feel the fullness of our emotions and allow the Divine Daughter to dance us into wholeness. 

Here’s what I wrote in the book, “My understanding of human consciousness is an evolution of the Mother-Father-Son-Daughter aspects of the Divine. Originally, I believe, humans worshipped the earth as the Divine Mother, her body was ours. Then we looked into the cosmos and envisioned the Divine Father as spirit. In the last two millennia, avatars teaching in parables initiated a revolution of the mind, and ever since the Divine Son has been the center of religious worship. Now the time is ripe for the Divine Daughter to manifest in human consciousness. She is emotion weaving the mind, body, and soul into Sacred Unity with All That Is.” 

The Divine Daughter is alive and well…Awakened now through LoveDance. On the Earth at this time—dancing her dance—her dance of love—LoveDance. 

LoveDance became my philosophy of life. I created a whole website around it. LoveDance is my expression of Self. Love is at the center of the triad of Relationships, Soul Purpose, and Health. I include Health because as a Holistic Nurse Practitioner, Health of Body, Mind, and Soul is paramount in the Process of Enlightenment. It is not enough for me to talk…but to walk my talk…or rather…to dance my truth! 

So now in the midst of this summer of profound transformation, nearly three years after LoveDance was launched, I find myself facing another wound…the Father Wound—separation from the Divine Father. Yes, I have begun Book II…LoveDance is a trilogy…and I began the second book shortly after the first was launched…and I got 1/3 through the writing…just as my heroine Mary Magdalen confronts her father wound…I could write no more! 

Why? Because until I face it, live it, breathe it, am I able to write it. What I wrote in book one became manifest for me. I did not realize the depth of the mother wound I embodied, imprinted since prenatal time, brought into this lifetime as deep karmic imprints. I had done a regression on myself many years before. Way before LoveDance…In fact two years before I dreamt I was Mary Magdalen walking down the streets of Nazareth I brought myself back to the womb…Disentangled myself from maternal karmic imprints… from the Red Cord… 

I shared this story with the Grandmothers Council of Ojai on Mother’s Day. I was an hour late for the gathering, having driven back from a mother-daughter-grandmother weekend in San Diego. It was lovely to spend time with my daughter who was born on Mother’s day 22 years ago. My mother enjoyed herself too, but on the way home her issues with her mother surfaced… there was not much to say…so I just listened…and then dropped her off at her house some 70 miles from Ojai and headed home. I needed to be with the grandmothers. But they too were reliving their mother wounds! So I told them this story: 

THE RED CORD

Years ago, before my daughter entered puberty, I vowed to get a hold of my eating disorder. If you are a fan of this blog, you know all about it, if not…here goes… 

I was anorexic before Karen Carpenter died and the psychiatrists had named it. I was hypnotized, medicated, and psychoanalyzed. To no avail. Anorexia transformed into bulimia. Not the typical eating disorder because I did not fit their psycho-patterns. No, I had not been molested, no incest, only a father’s great expectations passed onto me of being perfect. Yes, I was the straight A student…and did great things with my life, but there was more. 

Recently eating disorder research has led from blaming the father to blaming the mother. 

Still, I had an excellent relationship with my mother. Had learned from her mistakes. And felt loved, adored by her and my father. My grandparents too, especially my grandmother. No, it wasn’t a parenting problem rooted in childhood. It was something deeper. 

I had begun research on the hypothalamus which led to my dream of Genesis Gold and had been taking the Sacred Seven amino acids for a year when I felt it was time to get to the root of my problem. 

Bulimia was a coping mechanism for me. And while I could stuff my anxieties down with food then purge them into the toilet and flush them away, many, many times, my fear was not my own. How many times had I felt driven to binge just to purge a fear that was greater than me. So what was this fear, I asked. 

I will tell you…it’s not the father, it is the mother…but it’s not about blame. It’s not what you think. 

In a dream, I regressed myself. 

Into the womb, I went. Looking down between my fetal thighs, I was surprised to see NO penis! No blade! How could I accomplish my mission in this form? I felt a pulsation deep in my belly, putrid fearful, coming not from me, but through the umbilical cord—the Red Cord. 

It was my mother’s fear. I felt her. Her world as she perceived it….the struggle with her parents, her new husband, her fear…her fear of her mother, then… 

I was in my grandmother’s womb feeling her fear through the red cord. And then in her mother’s womb feeling her mother’s fear and her mother’s and back and back in time. Like a video montage, yet I could feel the fear…yellow and acidic as bile….the pain, tears, terror…of losing children, abortions, stillborn babies. Of being raped, used as chattel, traded like beasts. Of husbands, and fathers and lovers beating us, blaming us. Of too many babies, of hunger and pain, of sending our sons off to war and our daughters into the same traps we found ourselves. Of burning at the stake, of drowning, of torture for being our truth. Of giving away our power. 

Through my mother’s womb, through hers, and unto the beginning of time. Back to Eve. All of women’s woes…that was my fear. The fear I had been purging forever. 

Time to release it. I awakened with a clear intention and pure desire to release my mothers’ fear, all of my mothers. 

Synchronistically that day, I had an appointment with an energy healer. She was working with another powerful male healer. He stood at my feet, she at my head. I didn’t tell them of my vision, but lay there fully intending to release. And I did. Like a volcanic eruption of black tar, the energy exploded from my belly into the atmosphere. I felt lighter and freer than ever. I opened my eyes and laughed. I sat up. The two healers were plastered against the walls of the healing room. “What was THAT?” 

“That was fear!”  And it’s not mine! 

Then I headed to the beach, and lay on the sand, my feet in the water, the sun on my naked skin and was held by the Great Mother. My Divine Mother loves me…I am everything she ever desired in a daughter. I no longer need to purge the fear of my sex.

 

So here we are back from the summer of 2001 to now—2010. A summer of great transformation lies before us. Today is truly the first day that it feels like summer here in Ojai. Finally hot…it’s been so mild…perhaps now we can burn the illusion away and unveil the truth. My neck aches from all this typing, but purging on paper (or rather, online) is a sweet means to a sweeter end. Yet my aching neck reminds me that it’s time to heal the Father Wound.

20 Remembering Mary Magdalen: Searching for Maternal Mentors

I spent the first half of my adult life being the scientist, experiencing the masculine aspect of self, until I opened to receive the sacred feminine. Since then the universe has sent me maternal mentors—until I fully received my own power to manifest beauty and love in my life. Some of my mentors left all they knew—family, home, husbands, children, society—to delve into the old paradigm of abstinence. Separate from all to find oneness. They even encouraged me to leave, but I resisted, finding solace at home, in the arms of my husband, in the laughter of my children, in the life I created. Why can’t I have it all—spiritual enlightenment, inter-dimensional connection, and a fully human life complete with good food, good wine, good music, good sex, good tears? Is not this amazing body that my soul inhabits the vehicle for my transformation? Is not all creation perfect in its perpetual transmutation to come unto Sacred Union?

  I remember when on…

 Nov 5th, 2003 A healing occurs as I release the need to venerate mentors, looking outside of self for the truth, when the guru exists within. My first spiritual mentor and probably not my last, initiated this awakening by telling me to plug in! After years of being impressed with the energetic connections when we were together, the amount of information coming in whenever we spoke, she got tired of our human existence being interrupted. We couldn’t even go to lunch without the guides coming in to deliver messages! She moved away as they all have. Besotted with love for all, I wish not to be an unclear portal, so continually release my fear. As I share the details of the story with Mom, she worries about Steve in this triangular relationship and how it is playing out now. There is much healing going on for all of us.  

How I struggled with gurus who set themselves apart as the only one to know a certain concept. Yes, I placed them on a pedestal as I sat at their feet absorbing what they had to teach me. And with my audacious confidence I would apply what I had learned as soon as possible. If they could see it, feel it, be it…so could I. And if I could, then so could my friends, family, patients. I believe what we see in others is a reflection of what we believe about ourselves. As soon as I realized I was venerating another, usually way after those around me provided ample warning, I would cut the guru down…release her from the throne in my mind and set her free. Then another would take her place.

12 Remembering Mary Magdalen: Digging up Skeletons

Dec 7th, 2003 Steve is most delightful as I delve into a difficult part—child abuse remembered—not of this life, but so vivid…Thankfully I have family outings like Kyra’s gymnastics meets to punctuate the writing. My sister had her surgery, never taking advantage of a healing, oh well. My visit with her today was yet another layer as she expressed verbatim what I wrote one of the characters said to Mary…and knows nothing of this writing. 

Dec 16th, 2003 Such a long haul, delving into the past. My bulimia up again, although I resisted, it nearly floors me as I am exhausted by processing the energies. It is as if I am healing a universal pain. Who I am as joy has felt distant these past 12 days. Steve has been insightful, offering wisdom. Yeshua teases that he was one of his best students.  

Dec 21st, 2003 My meditation on the solstice revealed an aspect of forgiveness forgotten. I was shown how I need not forgive but give thanks for the roles played by my partners in life. Forgiveness denotes that something was done wrong, when all is as it should be. Gratitude for the divine orchestration is all that is necessary to heal. Yeshua is still with me, but rather than him feeding me insight, it comes through me more clearly now as if my courage has torn the fabric of illusion that I am separated from the divine. In this book so many issues are dealt with—depression, poor self esteem, suffering and sacrifice—all balanced by hope, joy, peace and abundance. These books are the expression of all my work as a healer, a mother, a woman, written to illustrate the concepts presented in our life stories. Alas my patients rarely remember the scientific and philosophical concepts I teach, but they do remember the stories I share.