awakening

62. BECOMING THE MATRIARCH

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

In January, I realized Mom was dying.

In July, she died in my arms.

The first half of 2015 forged my soul in the most transformative fire.

The second half tested my spiritual steel through the flames of change.

Karmic hell broke loose when Mom passed through the veils of heaven.

All of our husbands immediately faced a major health hurdle.

One is still fighting for his life.

Our father had emergency brain surgery.

All nine grandchildren had to grow up fast.

For the first time my sisters and I turned to each other for spiritual support.

There was no one else who truly understood our pain.

The moment Mom took her last breath, I became the matriarch of the family.

I should have known this was coming. I was warned just two months before.

On the Big Island of Hawaii on the Day of the Dead 2014, I dreamt of Nana.

A lava petroglyph wall towers before me. I float up the wall and go through it into a doorway which leads to a light room – the kitchen from my infancy.

My deceased aunt greets me fussing around a pink Formica table where Nana sits. Nana is the queen bee. My aunt says they cannot make much here. I tell them not to worry, I will get them whatever they need and they can make whatever they want.

Nana shows me that they are limited in their heavenly experience to what they chose to experience in life on earth. She is surprised I am there, yet also expected me. I hug her and she feels so real. I wonder why she appears as I remember her in her fifties and not as a young woman. She shows me that her afterlife appearance is that of her at the prime of her power in the life I knew her.

Nana places a shawl over my shoulders. It’s the matriarchal mantle. I wonder how with Mom still here.

Nana kisses my forehead and whispers “It’s your turn to lead”…

Hawaii, 2014

Every November I set my intentions for the next business year. I would gather all the numbers from Mom who ran all three of my corporations – Full Circle Family Health, Genesis Health Products, and my charity Divine Daughters Unite. She would remind me that the holidays were traditionally slow. But after returning from Hawaii, I took the bull by the horns and tried to figure out why I wasn’t more successful.

Granted I had a successful marriage, beautiful healthy children, great relationships with my parents, my siblings, my friends and there was always just enough to meet our needs, yet…I had planned to be able to retire with my husband. And there was never enough to save for that future.

I meditated on why money did not flow with ease… And I heard loud and clear.

“It’s me. I’m blocking the flow!”

I fell asleep that night asking to be shown how to get out of my own way.

The next morning three emails landed in my inbox.

The first was a digital course on how to use YouTube to increase your business.

The second was an invitation to join a mastermind for integrative health practitioners who wanted to increase their cash flow.

These third was a webinar on how to release blockages regarding wealth, health, and relationships.
I signed up for all three.

I got my one and only video up and optimized on YouTube and forgot about it.

The mastermind for integrative health practitioners started in January. Once Mom got sick, I realized wouldn’t be able to implement what I was learning. Trying to get vital financial information from my high, hypoxic mother was difficult. Thank goodness, Steve was retired. He helped me take care of Mom while I tried desperately to save my businesses.

The leader of the mastermind took pity on me and offered to help me figure out my business finances. Thank goodness!

But it was releasing the money block that allowed me to thrive during this crisis.

I was reminded during that webinar about the crucial brain wave states of childhood. From two to six years old we are in a theta brain wave state. The same brain waves as meditation and hypnosis. Highly suggestible. We are imprinted at a very young age and function from these limiting subconscious beliefs.

So I did a regression on myself. I got into a theta wave state by meditating with the intention to “see” myself at the age of two. And I was transported to the backseat of a 1958 sedan, sitting between my godmother and my twin baby sisters’ car bed. Mommy and Daddy were in the front seat. We were driving to California and in the pit of my tummy, I could feel a pulling sensation as if I was being torn away from my Nana back in Philadelphia.

The next scene, I’m in a toddler bed in the hallway of our new apartment in Burbank, sucking my thumb. I feel all alone and scared that there is no Nana here. And realize that I have to be the Nana now.

Disturbed by the emotion of this regression, I bring myself back. What did that have to do with my money block? I shared my vision with Mom and she confirmed it all, down to my bed in the hall since there was no room for me in the one bedroom with their double bed and the two cribs.

Before going to sleep that night, I wrote on a slip of paper: Show me what my regression had to do with money.

And I have a dream.

I’m back in the backseat of the old sedan. This time I’m an adult holding my two-year-old niece in my lap. Her mother hands her a churro. Before the baby starts to put the sticky treat in her mouth, I peel back the paper…it’s wrapped in dollar bills!

“No, baby, money’s dirty!”

And I wake up shaking from head to toe. I told Mom the dream and she said “Oh, no, money’s dirty, Nana said that to you all the time!”

That was my subconscious limiting belief!

No wonder I had trouble handling money, never kept cash on me, let Steve handle the household bills, and Mom handle the business finances. Money’s dirty!

Plus in my mother’s family, money really was dirty. Poppop was a bookie for the mafia. So much energy of dirty money.

So just before the holidays, I spent time reprogramming myself. I would get into a theta brain wave meditating with theta music. Then I would repeat this mantra over and over:

“Money’s good. Money is power. Power is good.”

Why power?

Because I truly believe that what we’re really afraid of is our power, so we either misuse it or deny it.

Time to heal my money/power wound.

Thank goodness! For just a few short weeks later, I had to face my biggest fear. Handling all the money by myself. And I did it.

In fact, in spite of taking so much time off to take care of Mom, doing virtually no online marketing, having to hire new staff, new accountants, new bookkeepers, investing in new software to become more automated, in spite of all my fears, my businesses did better in 2015 than any other year previously.
The financial advice helped me take the reins of my business.

My video on YouTube did the advertising for me.

Yet it was the release of my subconscious limiting belief about money that opened me up to receive abundance.

What are subconscious limiting beliefs are keeping you from being your best self?

57. TRANSFORMING YOURSELF

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

I began My LoveDance® the year I turned 50, fully expecting great change by 2012.

In the past four years, I’ve experienced even more change. I’m not the only one. Many of my patients and family and friends experienced major transitions since 2012.

More change. More death. So many deaths.

I meditated on this once after providing grief counseling for a half a dozen patients in as many days. Many were young, unexpected deaths.

Why are so many souls transitioning at this time?

And I saw:

A bridge of light between the dead and their loved ones. And the earth being pulled through their connection into the next dimension.

By dimension, I mean higher vibration. Like Love is a higher vibration than fear.
We are transforming, all of us, even the earth.

It’s been a time of turmoil. A roller coaster of events creating great change. Some desired. Some unexpected. Some dreaded, but all needed. The whole world is transforming. People around the world are asking for change, gathering, protesting, demonstrating. The time is ripe for transformation. Why?

Because we cannot evolve without change. We have been like caterpillars consuming everything in our need to grow. And then it seems everything stood still…there was little growth…as if we were in a cocoon of our own making…some have called it a recession and financially perhaps it is, but I call it a transformation. For under the stillness, great change is occurring. The caterpillar is transforming into a butterfly. Soon the first of the butterflies will emerge.

You will see it as hope. Sweet happenings across the globe, in your neighborhood, perhaps in your own backyard…giving you hope…Like the feeling of wonder you get when you watch a butterfly emerge from a cocoon…then try its fragile wings in first flight. Hope.

So many have been cleaning house…our physical abodes and our subconscious as well. Getting rid of all that doesn’t serve us…it’s hard, but we must make room for the new. And you can’t receive if your arms and heart are full of old stuff.

I have been encouraging my patients to literally clean out their closets. When they have felt stuck, reliving old issues over and over again, seemingly making no progress, I encourage them to see their situation as a sign. It’s time to clean their dwelling place. Start with the physical. Yes, their homes.

We all have stuff in our closets. Old stuff that once served us but no longer fits, no longer useful. Stuff we don’t need anymore. Stuff that’s just taking up space. So if you haven’t used it for at least two years, you probably won’t. Give it away. Sell it if you must. But get it out of your closets, out of your cupboards, out of your home.

Lighten up and make room for the new.

Cleaning out our homes at the physical level will help us clean out ourselves. And this time I’m not talking about a liver cleanse. I’m talking about cleaning out our psycho-spiritual closets.

Those old beliefs in our consciousness. You know the ones:

• I’m not good enough.

• I don’t deserve better.

• I’m alone.

• Good things do not happen to me.

• I’m worthless.

• No one loves me.

• How can they? I don’t even love myself.

We all have these imprinted beliefs. Perhaps we’ve lived a life highlighting these beliefs. Perhaps we were imprinted with these negative beliefs in childhood. Perhaps we came into this life with these feelings.

Either way. These NOT GOOD ENOUGH beliefs lie deep in our consciousness and are often at the root of our real problems…Our health problems. Our financial problems. Our relationship problems. Our problems being happy and feeling love.

So let’s clear our closets. Let’s let go of that which no longer serves us.

No one really likes change. We get too comfortable where we are. Even if where we are is not in our best interest. So it takes the Divine to give us the boot! Right out of our comfort zone and into a new reality.

We suffer because we don’t know how to transform our selves gracefully.

I challenge each and every one of you to write down on a piece of paper everything in your closet that does not serve you. Everything… What are you ready to release?

• Your fear? Write it down.

• You’re not good enough? Write it down.

• Your feelings of worthlessness? Write it down.

• Your poverty? Write it down
• Your loveless life? Write it down.

• Your poor health? Write it down.

Now. Hold that piece of paper in your hand. Close your eyes. And express your gratitude for these negative beliefs. Yes, thank them! You cannot release them in anger…they will come back to stick to you like a burr. Release them with gratitude and they will release you.

Now. Once you are finished expressing your thankfulness for all the old beliefs you have written down that no longer serve you, it is time to burn that paper. You can bury it as well. But I prefer to release the smoke of what I no longer need into the universe. It will be transformed into something else…something better.

Then get another piece of paper and write down everything you desire.

I desire love.

I desire joy.

I desire to be debt free—financially and karmically.

I desire to be my best self.

Whatever you desire. Write it down. And then fold up the paper and write one word that comes to you on the outside of the folded paper. One word that represents all that you desire.

Freedom

Ease

Peace

Joy

Love

And let that one word be your mantra for the rest of the year. Place the paper on your altar, under or near a candle, by a sacred object, wherever you feel is most appropriate for this little piece of paper that holds your hope.

I like to do this ceremony at the winter solstice and refer to my mantra at the equinoxes and summer solstice. A reaffirming for me. And the mantra becomes a barometer for all I do that year.

On the winter solstice of 2001, my husband and I came up with a mantra of EASE for the coming year. Everything we did was using the barometer of our 2002 mantra. If we were struggling with a decision, then we were not in ease…so we chose the ease and things just started to flow. That’s how we found our current home. With ease, it flowed into our lives. In a way that we could not previously imagine.

EASE. What a great mantra. I suggest it to many of my patients who struggle so in their lives. Let go, and be at Ease.

Your mantra is a seed of energy you plant in your consciousness. Writing down your intentions and referring to them throughout the year is watering and fertilizing that seed so it might grow. Some seeds take a long time to sprout. Some grow into trees that take a long time to fruit. The seed of EASE sprouted into a lovely flower garden at first, but truly it is a deep-rooted plant…for EASE continues some fourteen years later bearing us precious fruit.

May this time find you nurturing your mantra seed. May your life be filled with great joy, with love, with beauty and with blossoms that attract butterflies of hope.

55. DISENTANGLE YOUR CORDS OF ATTACHMENT – Part Two

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

I did this same exercise while writing my first book, LoveDance®. I wrote from the perspective of the heroine and like most novelists I used those in my life to base my characters. Envisioning how “Mary” would disentangle her cords of attachment to “Teoma”, I realized I must disentangle from my husband. For three days, he refused to go to work, sick to his stomach. I didn’t have a chance, while nursing him, to do the meditation let alone write it. Finally, he returned to work and I opened myself to receive the gift of the encounter with my laptop. While writing Mary’s disentanglement from Teoma, I disentangled my violet life cord from my husband’s vibrant green. The knots of our most recent struggles all the way back to those formed when our first child was born prematurely. The older knots were so well fermented I could sip the sweet wine of their gifts easily. The more recent knots—like our struggle with our changing roles as parents and the interference writing a book brought to our daily life—were more acrid in their newness, but I took the bitter cup and using the lubrication of love, found the gifts.

Mary and I floated free, breathing easily in the river of consciousness, while Teoma struggled to cling to the bank feeling very much abandoned. The moment I pushed “save”, my husband called. He was having a horrible day and “felt abandoned.” In spite of my reassurance, it took three weeks of repetitive visualizations before he relaxed and I no longer felt the painful ache of his sense of abandonment mirrored in my heart.

Now I did this same visualization with my firstborn, disentangling my violet from their indigo. My knots of expectation in their success in school were more difficult to unravel than the original knot between us representing their difficult birth. All the challenges of their prematurity and their numerous endocrine problems became one of my most profound gifts. My first child is why I do what I do, why I became an expert in clinical neuro-immune-endocrinology. The more recent knot representing my struggle with allowing them to be on their own, trusting that they would be safe and happy in a world without my constant maternal influence was a bit more difficult. The well-hidden gift turned out to be…accepting my transformation as a mother from nurturer-protector to confidante-advisor. In accepting them, I accepted myself. Twenty-four hours after I loosened the last knot between us, my wise child called me from college in San Francisco. “What are you doing down there, Mom? I feel lighter than ever!” I explained the disentanglement and they encouraged me to continue and “let go of us all, even yourself, and see, how enlightened you can be.”

So I did. Each and every significant person in my life, I disentangled from, I felt more and more free and my relationships with each person changed, transformed by love into something finer. I even disentangled from all I believed myself to be—a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a healer, a woman, even from Deborah—and discovered my truth, which is joy.

Since disentangling from our daughter while she was a sophomore in high school, now that the time had come to let her grow up and go away to college, I am handling it better than I did with my first. With them, my body reminded me of the pain of birthing…I suffered from a sciatic condition (just like when I gave birth) that lasted from the moment I helped them fill out their college applications to the day I drove them up to the University of San Francisco. Now with my daughter, the pain is a bittersweet heartache, not physically manifested. The kind of ache that actually feels good, like watching a sad movie and crying your heart out and knowing the joy of being human is to feel passionately.

In fact, my ethereal connection with my children has been so acutely enhanced since disentangling from them, that I realize the knots of my entanglements interfered with the clarity of my perceptions. Since letting my daughter grow up, I sleep soundly, only twice bolting out of bed, feeling her panic and calmly contacting her (via the telephone, since telepathy is difficult through the veil of fear) and all was well. I’ve taught her to trust the inner knowing and realize that through trial and error she will learn to ride the wave of our ethereal connection.

Actually, when it came time to escort our daughter to college, my husband did pretty well. He cried of course, and while at first resisting disentanglement, he admitted to having worked on it and yes, he felt lighter, less fearful, more willing to let her go and trust she will be well. And we both began to receive the gift of her leaving, becoming closer than ever, falling in love all over again—just the two of us.

So how might you release the illusion of your entanglements? Envision your life color, whatever comes to you is fine, then envision the color of the other person. Your red cord and her blue cord are braided nicely for the most part, but knotted in places. Like a precious necklace entangled into the thread of a silk sweater you do not want to break either, but carefully loosen the knots using the lubrication of love.

I live near the beach and off the coast, derricks pump oil from the floor of the Pacific Ocean. Often I come home with tar stuck to the soles of my feet. Only oil gets it off—like dissolving like. These knots in your cords of attachment seem like tar, but they are gifts of love and only the lubrication of love can dissolve the knots. If you look with eyes of love you can find the gift in each knot. It’s not easy, but after two or three knots, the entangled cords start unraveling, setting you free to float in the river of consciousness. You do not need to share with the person you are releasing what you have done, but your relationship WILL change.

No matter how ugly the wrapping, there is always a gift of love waiting to be discovered. So just let go. Disentangling your cords of attachment will free you to be your truth—the most precious gift of all.

56. MINING YOUR DNA

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

I’ve been teaching my patients for years that thought becomes manifest in our DNA. Our self-talk directs our DNA to dance accordingly…as healing or dis-ease. And Russian scientists have now proven it!

Consciously directing our DNA is why I created Genesis Gold®…I alchemized into the formula (which came to me in dreams) my heartfelt intention to optimize our genetic potential by balancing hormones, neurotransmitters and cytokines (tiny immune messengers) so our biochemistry sings harmoniously to our DNA. With the help of Genesis Gold®, many have healed themselves.

Healing at the genetic level is through a symphony of biochemicals that carry messages to the DNA. Most of us are born with DNA encoded for survival. If our communication networks are functioning properly then the DNA gets the proper messages to adapt to any situation. Dis-ease is more of a maladaptation to the environmental exposures and disharmonious energies.

We now have scientific proof that water has memory and can be imprinted with whatever it is exposed to. Since our bodies are made up of at least 60% water then it holds true that we can imprint our cellular fluids with healing through positive thoughts, nourishing foods and joyous experiences. I’ve “known” this to be true since I became a healer… my healing energies are imprinted in Genesis Gold® and every day I take it, I send blessings to all those who are drinking it with me.

When the Japanese earthquake sent radiation spilling into the ocean, many of my patients called concerned. I told them that first, Genesis Gold® has enough sea vegetation in it to protect their thyroid from radiation uptake, and second, that by promoting harmonious communication, they would adapt to whatever comes.

Your DNA has the best blueprint for your adaptation to any situation.

Imagine mining your DNA for gold: Health. Wellbeing. Longevity. Vitality. Greater Mental Abilities. Emotional Intelligence. More Refined Senses. Increased Sensitivity. Sacred Attributes. Well, you can.

I mine my DNA by swimming Fibonacci patterns. Diving under the water I imagine diving into myself, into my cells, into my own genetic code.

With each figure eight I swim, my mind clears, I relax into myself, and soon insight bubbles to the surface. I like to swim but you can do it anyway you please. The figure eight motion whether swimming, walking, dancing is meditative in itself.

Anytime I have a healing concern, I dive into myself. Usually my body will communicate back to me what is needed to heal: a change in diet, more sleep, different activities, a change in scenery.

Going more deeply, past the afflicted body part, into the tissues, the cells, finally into the DNA itself, I find what is needed may be a shift in consciousness.

First we must be open to change before healing transformation can begin. That’s really the hardest part—being open to receive healing.

When healing seems evasive, I often wonder how I’m blocking healing. Usually it’s emotional. Unresolved grief, unexpressed anger, or deep fear manifests itself as dis-ease. It’s the emotion that may be blocking healing, even our own healing intentions.

Once I had a patient come to me to lose weight. So I counseled her on changing her sleep patterns (she was a night owl which contributes to insulin resistance and obesity), changing her diet (which was SAD—the Standard American Diet—high in calories, low in nutrients), begin exercising (she was completely sedentary with a daytime desk job) and most importantly to learn to love herself enough to make the changes necessary to get healthy.

She struggled with her weight…never quite ready to make all the changes necessary to get healthy. Oh, she dieted and would lose some weight. She started exercising and again weight would come off. She learned to sleep at night which improved her insulin resistance. Yet she was coming for help, out of fear of dis-ease, not out of love for herself. While we made some progress, it didn’t stick.

Then she started taking Genesis Gold® and began noticing all the ways she was sabotaging herself. She described becoming a more compassionate observer of herself. She decided finally it was time to change for good.

She took the plunge. And discovered a deeply ingrained belief that was sabotaging her weight loss. Over time with more counseling and more work on her part to learn to love and appreciate herself, this patient got down to healthy weight and has remained there since. And she does not have to be so strict with her diet or obsessive with her exercise. She can even miss some sleep and not miss a beat. With the change of attitude and help of Genesis Gold® to balance her hypothalamus, her hormones, and her metabolism, she is manifesting her best self.

It takes much courage to dive into yourself and discover what is needed for your highest wellbeing. No one else can do this for you. You can be guided with visual imagery, hypnotized, counseled ad nauseum, yet ultimately, you must commit to yourself and take the plunge.

I created Genesis Gold® to help us tap into our greatest potential. It’s all in our DNA, everything needed to be healthy. We are already whole. We just got to dive deep to discover the treasure. Go on, now, take the plunge!

53. SHIFTS IN CONSCIOUSNESS

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

These are the eight shifts of consciousness humans make to enlightenment. I heard them listed as such in a recorded channeling… (that’s the first shift…is it real?)…yet always knew this order for I have been living it. Yet it’s nice to see it outlined. The order is not absolute…the process is more like fading or dying…a slow shift of color…bleeding into one another as the phases of the shifts blend…the first two are in order…the rest seem to me to get stronger, more prevalent, more absolute in your life over time… I think this is a nice way to organize My Story. I wonder if it will fit neatly into eight sections…probably not, for as soon as I try to organize my existence, I begin to flow into chaos…always creating… Well, here they are…The 8 Shifts of Consciousness:

1. Curiosity—You ask what’s real? This is the beginning. You’re awakening! Yeah!

I think I skipped this stage since it’s always seemed real to me. I really didn’t realize that what was real for me didn’t seem real to others until I was a teenager. Then I began to play the human game and that included disconnecting myself through my eating disorder. Then I fell in love. And love reconnected me to my truth. It was all real to me.

2. Belief—You know it’s real and you want to know more. You search for answers. You seek gurus. You read books. You go to seminars. You still have a human approach of limited 3D perception and conditioned judgment. And you wonder if anyone else feels the same. When you receive proof, you want others to share in your enlightenment. You may be a little evangelistic.

This was my guru stage. My family thought I was joining cults…so different had I become. I began to find their energy difficult to be with…yet my new friends came and went in my life, attracted to my light as I was attracted to theirs, but you don’t shine very bright in a room full of light, so you seek dark places to illuminate. Through karma and drama, they slipped out of my life and I learned to be the light in any situation.

3. Light & Dark—You make sense of light and dark, understanding over time that both exist in you. And in each one of us. And eventually you get to experience how darkness is just the absence of light and you begin to understand that fear is the absence of love. Then you begin to love yourself. Fill yourself with light and your fear, your darkness becomes illuminated.

I really got this finally…after dreaming I was Mary Magdalen. Then I made sense of fear and darkness. Really before I could not see the darkness in others, only the light. I knew my darkness and judged it harshly. Shining my light brightly outside of self, so that my shadow loomed bigger and bigger behind me. Shatan, get behind me!

4. Karma—You get off the karmic wheel! Yeah! You eliminate karmic imprints and no longer live under predestined energy. Now your future is yours to create.

I worked on this a long time…well before I knew what karma meant. I was born feeling a sense of predestination…of having a mission to complete, but also very much aware that I was creating my reality…a strange paradox and difficult to do before 1987. In 1987, I made a great shift…I learned much later that was the time of the Harmonic Convergence…it seems as I am always on time for all the major shifts in consciousness, feeling the energy and dancing with the flow without a need to know. My need to make sense of all this came later…when I met the gurus and they had names for what I had always felt. It’s as if I never really went to sleep but stayed conscious all my life, knowing that my time would come. And it has. The karmic imprint retreat was the last of entanglements. These stages overlap. It took a long time, nearly to ascension to clear the last karmic imprint.

5. Illumination—You send light to the rest of the planet. This takes practice not to send your bias and judgment along with your light. You focus the light of peace into a war raged zone…yet it is not your light, but divine light…and those warring parties may need to wake up and become a bit more conscious before they can live in peace. So you send light…divine light from your heart-soul to theirs and they will receive the illumination necessary to make their own shifts. Here is where you begin to change matter, to affect the elements, to consciously create your reality.

Being a healer helped me learn this concept of not biasing my light. In the beginning, of course I felt frustrated when my patients would not follow my enlightened recommendations for their health and wellbeing, but I learned that I was not healing them but that they were coming for illumination, to receive my healing light of potential and then they would use that light or not…it was their choice. I always felt uncomfortable praying for others, sending group energy to others imbibed with our wishes for them. How did we know what’s best for them at the soul level? So I send light and love. I’ve been signing all my correspondence with this intimacy for many years. I send you light and love…you may do with it what you will…it is not for me to put conditions on my love or my light…

6. Synchronicity—You begin to recognize synchronicity. You realize that these amazing events that lead to your shift in consciousness are not coincidence but synchronistic. You begin to live in an interdimensional way…not that you are not already interdimensional…there are aspects of you in all the dimensions…past, present, and future…but you know it now and realize that you are one of many human chess pieces on the grand board of life on earth and that you are controlling the game…your god-self, your higher self, in synchronicity with their god-selves, their higher selves.

I’ve always loved synchronicity. It’s hard to remember a time when I didn’t recognize the synchronicity in my life. I knew everything that happened was not against me but for me…I have always received the gifts of life, transmuting what seems like poisons to others into illumination for myself and my loved ones. Receiving the synchronistic events like presents…I am grateful for each and every one. The sooner I learned to express my gratitude and receive the fullness of the gift of synchronicity, the faster I moved along my path of enlightenment.

7. Self-Healing—You can heal yourself! Whether you understand the “technology” of upregulating your DNA or not, you know that you can heal yourself through intention…and you do.

Again, I used my will to affect my life, including healing myself…yet didn’t understand what I was doing until I had an accident on my horse in 2002. About the same time I let go of all my gurus…meaning I no longer looked to them to heal me (healers either do not allow anyone else to help them, or they are always looking outside of self for healing). I was gifted by an opportunity to heal myself. I knew at a mental, intellectual, scientific level how to up-regulate my DNA…yet had not the “gnosis”—the experience of healing myself at the genetic level. And with all my knowledge, my healing came down to being my body’s best cheerleader and I healed myself miraculously and quickly.

Now it seems that there is not a “one-time” healing for all time, but you will get opportunities to practice and refine your skills. You don’t need a major dis-ease like cancer to do this…I have been warding off contagious dis-ease with a little mantra. I place my hands in a V at my root chakra and say “This is not my bug!” It always works. Just that little conscious instruction to my immune system. As for aging, I have placed all my intentions into my Genesis Gold® and believe it is giving me everything I need to manifest health and wellbeing for my second 50 years on earth…or perhaps longer, I’ll decide then ☺ Because I have intended healing at the genetic level into my creation, Genesis Gold® helps others who also believe in the possibility that they can turn on healing genes. They don’t need to know how for it to work. My mother asked if I had casted a magic shield around her…for she saw so many women her age and they’re old! I told her that she had allowed Genesis Gold® to affect not just her physicality but her attitude. In truth, she’s always had this power… I am spending a lot of time on this subject because it is what I try to help my patients tap into—their divine ability to heal themselves.

So why do those who profess enlightenment continue to challenge themselves with poor health? This is a good question and one that continued to plague me with my judgment of others for such a long time. I know now that we each experience our divinity in our own unique ways, that my way is not their way and vice versa. There is no ONE way! And that includes self-healing. This is a hard lesson…most healers are great at healing others but not themselves. And the enlightened ones I met with such physical challenges made me wonder how enlightened they really were…but now I see that self-healing is a late stage on the path…self-healing leads to ascension…for then you are an embodiment of full genetic potential, all 12 layers!
8. Ascension—You finally arrived! Congratulations. But wait. You haven’t gone anywhere. You’re still right here on earth. How can that be? Doesn’t Ascension mean you ascend to heaven? Well, heaven is here on earth. If you are ascended, you know that there is only here…and interdimensional aspects of this moment you might play in anytime you wish. The past and future and here and there are yours! You are not the same person you used to be.

I always knew I would not be the same after 50 and I am not. My friend saw the difference in me. I feel different. I feel as if my life is renewed. There is a great peace dancing in the flow of life. Seems strange at first…very different than my old way of being. Not that I’ve cast off all my humanity…No way! I still have passionate emotion. And I know fear…and darkness…and I see it in others, finally…yet I am living consciously, choosing love over fear, being the light that I am and knowing that all who come to me are attracted to the light and that is my true mission to reflect their own divine light back to them. And what’s being asked of me at the divine level of consciousness is that I be a Master. I seem to be affecting others just by showing up…it’s been going on for a long time…yet now I go with the flow and am gracious with my humanity when I am struggling a bit in the river of consciousness. I knew a Master once. He exuded light and love to all. They ended up worshipping Him. Yet I knew another side of Him…a very human side…the one who struggled with what he believed to be his mission…yet that is another story…

No one’s perfect, not even Him…which is really great for the rest of us…that this body is the vehicle for our enlightenment and that our lives and especially our relationships are the path of our enlightenment. And that is why I am telling My Story.

52. GRATITUDE HEALS

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

I’ve been going through my journals looking for clues to how I got to where I am. I have journals dating back to 1975. I’ve kept everything I have ever written in my mother’s old cedar chest. Her hope chest carries my past.

In October 2007, I was just about to launch LoveDance® into the world and was in a place of profound appreciation …

I am in deep gratitude for the blessings in my life, for:

• Steve—for his passion, protection, partnership
• Jarys—for teaching me compassion and courage
• Kyra—for embodying love and delight
• Mom—for buoying my spirit
• Dad—for seeding my existence
• Sisters—for opening to possibility
• Friends—for supporting my dreams
• Patients—for believing in me
• Colleagues—for challenging my mind
• Enemies—for challenging my heart
• Home—for sheltering my soul
• Community—for encompassing my passion
• Nation—for the freedom to expand
• Planet—for sustenance to be
• Divine Mother—for my glorious form
• Divine Father—for my expansive soul
• Divine Son—for my creative mind
• Divine Daughter—for my passionate heart

I still feel the same, thank the Divine. It’s good to count your blessings. It’s better than keeping count of your woes. Much more healing. Besides. Gratitude opens up your heart to love. A good place to start.

* * *

At the grandmother’s council, I learned about an ancient Hawaiian forgiveness prayer. Whenever there is a disagreement among the people, the elders hold the offending parties in a circle of energy until each can truthfully say to the other:

I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you

What a great example of how gratitude morphs into love. I believe the prayer means:

I’m sorry—I recognize my part in orchestrating such drama to learn my soul lessons.

Please forgive me—I ask forgiveness of all those in the wake of my human drama and I forgive myself.

Thank you—I am in deep gratitude for your humanity.

I love you—In loving your divine self, I am able to love my divine self.

Next time you are feeling angry and frustrated with someone else, do this meditation. Sit quietly with your hands resting in your lap. Take a deep breath and with the exhalation release everything that doesn’t serve you. Repeat the breath two more times breathing deeper and deeper until it feels as if you are breathing all the way to your fingertips where they meet at your root. Now imagine the other person as a bubble of energy. I like to imagine their life color, but you can picture their face if you wish. Then say each line of the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer out loud really trying to feel the energy of each line:

I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you

Repeat as many times necessary to feel love and gratitude for the other person and for yourself.

49. COMING HOME

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

I did not leave to find myself. Although Steve may say otherwise. The Mary experience was something else. Truly I was in between the worlds. Often he would ask me where I was when we took a walk and I would fall silent. I was in Galilee during those times. He felt me slip, how could he not?

So yes, for the eight months I composed my novel, I was barely here. In body, if not in spirit. I vowed not to do it again like that. Perhaps that’s why book two took so long to write. But I think it’s more likely that I cannot write what I do not know and I am just now coming into realization of my power as a creator of my reality…that there’s nowhere to go to find the truth, but within.

Many women and men leave everything they know to seek enlightenment. It just seems too darn hard to find peace and truth in the midst of the chaos of your life. Yet I did it. Many of us have stayed and found enlightenment right at home, within our communities, serving our neighbors, raising our families, walking the dogs. There’s nowhere to go. Heaven’s right there on earth ☺

March 5, 2003
The One came and it was joyous. Beginning with laughter and ending in laughter. Lightness as a child. I felt free and happy and maintain that joyousness even now. I shared it with another right away so I could say the meditation to ground it into my being. After nearly two hours the most significant piece surfaced back into my memory. God’s strategic plan for life is within the DNA.

I began my meditation with questions of truth and untruth. What are my misconceptions? The One came in a bubble of glee, laughing at my seriousness for it is not my nature. You are the funny one, the one that laughs freely, you are my joy. This meditation is not your way. It is for those serious sages that seek to commune with me. The One was all joy, all bliss.

Do you come to those serious ones who meditate with this same delight? Of course. I come to all who ask, as I am them and they are me.

I come to them in the form they can appreciate, stifling my laughter as not to offend. With you, I can laugh freely for you are lightness and joy. But you came to me when I began this serious meditation? Because I had to laugh at you. I am always with you. You recognize me through the glasses of your choosing. You, my dear, are choosing laughter and delight. Within your delight, your joy, your wonder, I exist. I am the joy, the light, the laughter, the bliss. And I am you.

The One came and I said are you the mother or the brother? It claimed to be all of them and everything and nothing. It is me and the world, the universe. It explained that life is like a spiral of events, all of history spirals upon itself. The One collapses the spiral into the dimension where it chooses to exist and there is no time nor space. All is at once. Life is a spiral of events unfolding existing without time and space. As you awaken into your sovereignty you will see that it is nothing to collapse the spiral and enjoy the view at your leisure.

Why then does all the human frailty come up? Why was I so bulimic just the night before, while editing my website pieces with apparent clarity. You must be more gentle with yourself. It’s silly really and lucky that you have a good sense of humor. All the issues of ego and self-delusion are like scum at the bottom of the pond which get swirled up to the surface of the heart chakra to be blown away by the winds of change. All the birthing anxiety you feel before the process is the human effort to maintain balance in the roiling waters.

I asked about my vision of reflection in the bowl of water that is my heart chakra. Must I be still in order to allow others to see themselves? Yes and no. Won’t the waters become stagnant if not flowing? The waters are living, flowing in and out of the heart chakra. According to the level of awakening of the being is the depth of clarity. What appears to be still is moving and alive, an organic, interactive process.

I asked about sovereignty, the levels of awakening. You are imagining awakening as a hierarchy with steps or levels like a ladder. That is the third dimensional view, part of the old paradigm. The fourth dimensional view is one of deepening. The deeper you become, the closer to the One. The depths exist within the bowl you call the heart chakra. I just wanted to dive in! It was like some of my dolphin dreams when I dive in deeply and can breathe, swimming with absolute freedom.

The grand finale unveiled the truth that I have always known. I was delighted.

Thinking about my corporate advisor’s bugging me about a strategic plan, I asked, “Did You have a strategic plan?”

The One laughed, “Of course, it’s in the DNA. The DNA is the strategic plan for all life.” I guess you have to ground it into reality for it to manifest. Even the One continues to change through the evolutionary process.

Of course it is the DNA. I have always known it. I have expressed it in my countless works, lectures, interactions, dreams. Yet this is much more simple. We all need a strategic plan to base our life upon to refer to in times of trouble, so that the flow is directed, understood. The strategic plan is encoded in our DNA. All creatures have DNA, all are part of life. We have never been abandoned on this earth plane. We were given a perpetual strategic plan for existence, for enlightenment. It has been within all the while.

48. ASCENSION

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

During a guided meditation in my women’s circle, I saw an image of my Higher Self. Emerging from the heart of the earth, I sat astride a powerful horse, my golden body in sweet repose, a heavy dampness on my back…furled wings! Feeling compelled to create Her into form, I took my joy to my Q&A journal where I converse with my Higher Self. I’m the Q, she’s the A…

Q. Your form amazed me!
A. I am your Higher Self. Well connected to the Mother with the ability to fly through the dimensions.

Q. I would love to paint you, but I have not the skill
A. Ahh. You will see that your ability to manifest is not limited to what you know but all you “remember’. Time is a spiral. There is an artist in you.

I prefer to work with my hands so I thought “maybe a sculpture”. So I called Grandmother Kathy. She’s a retired art teacher. I asked if she had clay I could come and play with. “Of course!” she said and every Monday morning for 13 weeks I went to her house.

Grandmother Kathy midwifed me as I birthed my vision. The process was amazing. I never before created anything with such ease. I would work a little and then just put it aside. Patience was also birthed from my play with clay.

My Higher-Self assured me that my hands would “remember” how to form clay. And they did…

This sculpture that I created, I call Her Ascension, is my Higher Self formed from clay. Not only feminine, but in sacred union with the masculine. That is who I am now. She is who I’ve become in my 50 years on earth. Finally balanced.

When She was ready to be taken out of the kiln I drove to Kathy’s house filled with trepidation…and remembered for the first time…the feeling of driving to UCLA to pick up Jarys from the NICU. My whole life was going to change when I brought HER home, just like it did when I brought Jarys home. Not that I hadn’t transitioned in the time it took to create HER or the time it took to gestate, birth and wait for my premature baby to be strong enough to come home. Then I was cast back to 1984… my life forever changed by Jarys’ birth…

I nearly died giving birth. I had a rare form of toxemia called HEELP syndrome in which my sky rocketing blood pressure caused seizures while my liver and kidneys started to fail. And our premature 2 ½ pound baby was born intersex. While pregnant, I dreamt of a blond baby boy, so it was no surprise when our baby’s chromosome test revealed the male XY pattern. Yet the pediatric endocrinologist advised we raise our child as a girl. Neither of our mothers understood. The doctor explained that our child would not have secondary sex characteristics. “What’s that?” Our mothers asked. So I explained. “Body and facial hair.”

They laughed. “We’re Greek and Italian. The women in our family have to shave! That’s no reason to castrate the baby!” The endocrinologist had no experience with families who did not follow her medical advice. We were told, “It’s easier to make a hole than a pole.” I was shocked, not by the bluntness, but by the total lack of consideration for the effect of “his” hormones on the developing brain. If we raised “him” as a girl what psychological trauma would “she” undergo at puberty or later in young adulthood. The experts didn’t know. So at 22 and 23 years old, Steve and I had to make a very difficult choice. We decided to follow my intuition, go against medical advice, and raise our baby as a boy.

Jarys became my impetus to learn everything about hormones. I felt intuitively that his DNA was not set in stone but could change. He could make cell receptors for male hormone. He could be anything he wanted to be. So I became a hormone expert which led to developing an Intuitive Integrative Medical model, which led to researching the hypothalamus and genetic upregulation, which led to the dreams of a formula to optimize genetic potential, which led to the manufacture of Genesis Gold® – which has changed my life.

Since bringing Ascension home, my life has changed again. My relationship has deepened even more with my beloved husband. My relationship with my mother became more refined. I have truly released my firstborn and they are blossoming. My daughter grows in leaps and bounds and no longer am I entangled with her. My relationship with my sisters is blooming – no drama at the last family gathering. And being with my father was joyous – Thank God! I am in deep gratitude to my Higher Self for helping me birth my truth.

47. MY ALTAR, MYSELF

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

Directly across from the door to our home is my altar. A lavender macramé cloth covers the small winged table. Objects sacred to me adorn the four corners with candles in the cardinal directions.

The altar changes from time to time according to my needs. Often my children ask to be put on the altar. And I make elaborate altars for them, holding the energy as they face challenges like when my eldest interviewed for their first real teaching job (and thankfully got it!), and my daughter tested for nursing school (and she got in too!) When Steve’s Gran first fell ill, he asked me to dedicate an altar for her. And after she passed, the altar reflected our love and devotion to her.

Today, items sacred to our upcoming retreat lie on the altar…The red cord I made to help us connect to our ancestors and each other. The crow’s feather bound in triple goddess colors that helped us choose the theme of our retreat. A golden frame filled with photos of men I treasure — my husband, my father, my grandfather — my beloved divine masculine.

And in the front — my Box of Me.

I made this one up… but what healing has come from creating a Box of Me. It started just after my father’s surgery, my sisters had moved him into a senior apartment complex and found a box of old photos. In it was a photo I do not recall, but looking at the black and white image of me at thirteen months old dressed in an Easter dress holding a little purse and gazing out with old soul eyes, I remembered. Showing my parents how to parent me and feeling their emotions. I took that photo and pasted it on the Box of Me. Somehow I would heal the child within. And through the Box of Me, placing me on my altar.

Inside the Box of Me, the mementos change yet each represents my dreams, my hopes, my intentions. I’ve guided many patients and some women friends in the creation of a Box of Me. How therapeutic it has been to honor ourselves, to put into this special box all that we hope for and say to the universe YES! Yes, I am. And more so to fall in love with ourselves. Because that’s where love starts. If we don’t love and honor and cherish ourselves, how can we love and honor and cherish each other?

It’s hard for most women to make a Box of Me…harder yet to place anything sacred within their Box of Me. It is start, a fresh start to healing the child within. I ask them to choose a photo of themselves that is before the time they remember the trauma of childhood. The innocent time before becoming domesticated into humanity. A time when they remember being happy. Few go back to adolescence, most go back early childhood, some all the way back to infancy.

In the center lies the golden runner embroidered by Steve’s Yia Yia…a wedding gift given to me by his father who came from Greece to witness our union 28 years ago. Upon the runner sits Ascension.

46. MEDICINE WHEELS AND SACRED SPACES

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

Like many on their journey, I turned to the writing of others to learn more about myself. In the 90’s I was fascinated by Native American spirituality and read most of Mary Summer Rain’s books in which she is mentored by a Native American elder…a grandmother of great wisdom. I am grateful the author shared her path. So much so that I share mine with you now.

So I created a Medicine Wheel garden in our side yard. I divided the eight sections with rocks and planted each section with the same types of flowers and herbs. In each I placed sacred items representing my path on the medicine wheel. And the garden grew so lovely, except in those areas that I needed to work on—self-esteem and relationships. Another message from Mother Earth to me.

When we moved here I longed for another Medicine Wheel. We created garden spaces, beautiful outdoor rooms lush with plants. The herb garden, my patients pass through to get to the office, grew lush and vibrant in less than six weeks. My husband and I have very green thumbs. I plant intuitively and he puts in the watering and keeps the critters under control. Well, he and the cat keep the critters under control.

In the north section of our property is our horse corral. The barn was built shortly after the house in the 50’s, so there’s horse energy in the place of wisdom. Though I find my horse most wise indeed, I still envisioned a Medicine Wheel under the sprawling oak in the north corner. There I would seek wisdom from the land, from Gaia herself.

We had perfect rocks for the Medicine Wheel. Dug up by the pool builders, these smooth golden boulders would mark the directions elegantly. But Steve had parked the horse trailer under the oak. How I longed for another Medicine Wheel…

And one day, the oak split and crushed the trailer that was parked in the spot designated for my Medicine Wheel. That’s what I get for wanting something badly enough. It comes to me. I don’t miss the horse trailer, but I sure do love my Medicine Wheel. And so does my horse ☺

Shane treats the Medicine Wheel as sacred, at least she seems to. I never find manure within the circle. The old gelding that died last fall wasn’t as respectful. Yet a few years ago, we were watching the Fourth of July firework display when the horses spooked and ran into the circle of rocks, then turned and calmly watched the fireworks with us.

In the morning after I feed and pick up manure, I seek refuge in my Medicine Wheel. I sit on the Eastern rock and meditate. Usually the animals join me. Fortunately, the rock is big enough for me, a cat in my lap, a dog by my side and a pygmy goat. The horse doesn’t try to get into my lap like the goat, but she hovers. It’s awesome to be surrounded by my beloved animals.

It’s important for my soul growth to create sacred spaces. I recommend it to my patients when they begin their journey or are feeling lost. Create a sacred space. Somewhere in your home or outside in the garden, set aside a spot for you to connect to your Higher Self. Outside I have my Medicine Wheel. Inside I have My Altar.