Excerpt from “My Lovedance”
In January, I realized Mom was dying.
In July, she died in my arms.
The first half of 2015 forged my soul in the most transformative fire.
The second half tested my spiritual steel through the flames of change.
Karmic hell broke loose when Mom passed through the veils of heaven.
All of our husbands immediately faced a major health hurdle.
One is still fighting for his life.
Our father had emergency brain surgery.
All nine grandchildren had to grow up fast.
For the first time my sisters and I turned to each other for spiritual support.
There was no one else who truly understood our pain.
The moment Mom took her last breath, I became the matriarch of the family.
I should have known this was coming. I was warned just two months before.
On the Big Island of Hawaii on the Day of the Dead 2014, I dreamt of Nana.
A lava petroglyph wall towers before me. I float up the wall and go through it into a doorway which leads to a light room – the kitchen from my infancy.
My deceased aunt greets me fussing around a pink Formica table where Nana sits. Nana is the queen bee. My aunt says they cannot make much here. I tell them not to worry, I will get them whatever they need and they can make whatever they want.
Nana shows me that they are limited in their heavenly experience to what they chose to experience in life on earth. She is surprised I am there, yet also expected me. I hug her and she feels so real. I wonder why she appears as I remember her in her fifties and not as a young woman. She shows me that her afterlife appearance is that of her at the prime of her power in the life I knew her.
Nana places a shawl over my shoulders. It’s the matriarchal mantle. I wonder how with Mom still here.
Nana kisses my forehead and whispers “It’s your turn to lead”…
Every November I set my intentions for the next business year. I would gather all the numbers from Mom who ran all three of my corporations – Full Circle Family Health, Genesis Health Products, and my charity Divine Daughters Unite. She would remind me that the holidays were traditionally slow. But after returning from Hawaii, I took the bull by the horns and tried to figure out why I wasn’t more successful.
Granted I had a successful marriage, beautiful healthy children, great relationships with my parents, my siblings, my friends and there was always just enough to meet our needs, yet…I had planned to be able to retire with my husband. And there was never enough to save for that future.
I meditated on why money did not flow with ease… And I heard loud and clear.
“It’s me. I’m blocking the flow!”
I fell asleep that night asking to be shown how to get out of my own way.
The next morning three emails landed in my inbox.
The first was a digital course on how to use YouTube to increase your business.
The second was an invitation to join a mastermind for integrative health practitioners who wanted to increase their cash flow.
These third was a webinar on how to release blockages regarding wealth, health, and relationships.
I signed up for all three.
I got my one and only video up and optimized on YouTube and forgot about it.
The mastermind for integrative health practitioners started in January. Once Mom got sick, I realized wouldn’t be able to implement what I was learning. Trying to get vital financial information from my high, hypoxic mother was difficult. Thank goodness, Steve was retired. He helped me take care of Mom while I tried desperately to save my businesses.
The leader of the mastermind took pity on me and offered to help me figure out my business finances. Thank goodness!
But it was releasing the money block that allowed me to thrive during this crisis.
I was reminded during that webinar about the crucial brain wave states of childhood. From two to six years old we are in a theta brain wave state. The same brain waves as meditation and hypnosis. Highly suggestible. We are imprinted at a very young age and function from these limiting subconscious beliefs.
So I did a regression on myself. I got into a theta wave state by meditating with the intention to “see” myself at the age of two. And I was transported to the backseat of a 1958 sedan, sitting between my godmother and my twin baby sisters’ car bed. Mommy and Daddy were in the front seat. We were driving to California and in the pit of my tummy, I could feel a pulling sensation as if I was being torn away from my Nana back in Philadelphia.
The next scene, I’m in a toddler bed in the hallway of our new apartment in Burbank, sucking my thumb. I feel all alone and scared that there is no Nana here. And realize that I have to be the Nana now.
Disturbed by the emotion of this regression, I bring myself back. What did that have to do with my money block? I shared my vision with Mom and she confirmed it all, down to my bed in the hall since there was no room for me in the one bedroom with their double bed and the two cribs.
Before going to sleep that night, I wrote on a slip of paper: Show me what my regression had to do with money.
And I have a dream.
I’m back in the backseat of the old sedan. This time I’m an adult holding my two-year-old niece in my lap. Her mother hands her a churro. Before the baby starts to put the sticky treat in her mouth, I peel back the paper…it’s wrapped in dollar bills!
“No, baby, money’s dirty!”
And I wake up shaking from head to toe. I told Mom the dream and she said “Oh, no, money’s dirty, Nana said that to you all the time!”
That was my subconscious limiting belief!
No wonder I had trouble handling money, never kept cash on me, let Steve handle the household bills, and Mom handle the business finances. Money’s dirty!
Plus in my mother’s family, money really was dirty. Poppop was a bookie for the mafia. So much energy of dirty money.
So just before the holidays, I spent time reprogramming myself. I would get into a theta brain wave meditating with theta music. Then I would repeat this mantra over and over:
“Money’s good. Money is power. Power is good.”
Because I truly believe that what we’re really afraid of is our power, so we either misuse it or deny it.
Time to heal my money/power wound.
Thank goodness! For just a few short weeks later, I had to face my biggest fear. Handling all the money by myself. And I did it.
In fact, in spite of taking so much time off to take care of Mom, doing virtually no online marketing, having to hire new staff, new accountants, new bookkeepers, investing in new software to become more automated, in spite of all my fears, my businesses did better in 2015 than any other year previously.
The financial advice helped me take the reins of my business.
My video on YouTube did the advertising for me.
Yet it was the release of my subconscious limiting belief about money that opened me up to receive abundance.
What are subconscious limiting beliefs are keeping you from being your best self?