59. DANCING WITH DEATH – January 6th

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

On January 6th, 2015 life threw me a curve ball.

I took one look at my mother and knew life was about to change. Mom was sick, really sick. And I know sick.

I’ve been working in the medical field for over thirty years. I can smell disease, feel tumors, see death. And Mom rarely ever gets sick.

But after flying to Utah to spend Christmas with one of my sisters and then driving from LAX to Big Bear to entertain my youngest sister’s family for New Years, Mom was tired. And she’s never tired! My mom is the Energizer Bunny! Plus she had a strange rash on her her legs.

So that day despite being “my worst patient” as she proudly claimed, Mom got up on my exam table so I could check her out.

The rash turned out to be phlebitis and I didn’t like what I felt in her stomach. And the abdominal ultrasound confirmed my suspicions.
So I consulted with my collaborating physician and ordered a CT scan and a venous Doppler. Mom’s bloodwork didn’t look great either.

The next week as I was orchestrating Mom’s care, my other sister (there’s four of us girls, less than four years apart between me and the youngest with twins in between) texted that she was driving from Northern California to check in on Dad.

My parents have been divorced for twenty-five years but still lived in the same town.

Mom drove up to Ojai to stay and work with me, managing my businesses since 1997. And she insisted on driving the seventy miles back home so we could have our separate lives. A very self-sufficient woman, our mother raised us girls to be strong and independent.

Dad seemed to have the same neurological symptoms he had five years earlier, so I set up an appointment with his neurosurgeon, ordered blood, and an MRI.

Mom had a tendency to focus more on others than herself, so I didn’t think she needed to know about Dad yet and she was adamant that I not tell my sisters about her until we knew more.
So the next morning, I’m with Mom at the interventional radiologist getting her liver biopsied while juggling calls from my sister regarding Dad’s medical care. When it rains, it pours.

That evening my sisters were giving me a hard time for not getting more involved with Dad. I went in to check on Mom and she took one look at my face and asked what’s wrong?

“Please,” I begged her, “let me tell my sisters.”

She agreed.

I called a conference call knowing my three sisters would think it was regarding Dad. “This isn’t about Dad. It’s about Mom.”

And then the tears began to flow.

The great weight was lifted for a short time. The next day Mom insisted on going back home to pack. Since her venous Doppler showed no signs of deep vein thrombosis, my collaborating physician and the interventional radiologist agreed that she could go home. I let her go, knowing my sister would stay with her.

But Mom felt fine and sent my sister home!
Sunday morning at 7:15, I got a call from Mom’s partner. “Deb, the paramedics are here and they want to speak to you.”

I instructed the emergency personnel that Mom was probably having a pulmonary embolism. By the time I got to the ER in her home town, they had brought her back to life three times.

I walked into the emergency room – the same one I volunteered as a candy striper before going to UCLA nursing school in 1981. There I found my mom intubated, panicking, but very much alive.

I kissed her, tried to orient her, asked the nurse to please sedate her, and consulted with the emergency physicians. Then I texted my sisters. “You need to come now.” They all flew in that evening. By then mom was in the ICU.

That was Mom’s worse nightmare.

I know nearly dying, being intubated and tied down (yes, they use soft restraints to keep the patients from pulling out their ventilation tube) would be most people’s worst nightmare, but being taken to that particular hospital was hers.

You see, both her parents died in that hospital.
In December 1982, my beloved grandparents moved from Philadelphia to California to be near their only daughter and granddaughters.

I was just a nursing student at UCLA but when Poppop got off that plane, I knew he was going to die. And he did, three weeks later.

Less than two years later, Nana died in that same hospital.

Mom never ever wanted to go there…but there she was in the ICU, unable to communicate with a tube down her throat and her hands tied down. Have you ever seen anyone yell with their eyes?

Thank goodness for my daughter, an ICU nurse, who knew those machines like

The back of her hand. The rest of us nurses…yes, three out of four daughters…hadn’t been practicing in the hospital for years.

Five days after that fatalistic call, Mom was discharged from the hospital into my care.

58. RELEASING YOUR OLD STORY

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

Now more than ever, we are experiencing the growing pains of change. Yet we hang onto the old like a worn-out lifeline.

It is human nature to fear change, yet change is part of life. What makes us sick oftentimes are old habits, old paradigms, old storylines that no longer serve us.

How many of us have lived personal story lines of conflict, abandonment, anger, unworthiness, sadness, apathy, poverty consciousness, victim consciousness and more. The energy of our story often precedes us setting a path for our future. We manifest what we believe.

The time is ripe to release our old story.

The challenge is that many of us are still hanging on to those old story lines as if they were attached like an arm or a leg. What if you let your old story lines go?

Every challenge you may be having right now, stems from a long held story-line that has turned into a conflict that you struggle with to be whole and healthy.

Setting our old story lines free with appreciation for the lessons learned can be difficult if we are unaware of our higher purpose.

What if everything, even the “bad” stuff, is really a lesson in love? Learning to love others, love the earth, but most of all—love ourselves.

Some of you might have read Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements.

• Be impeccable with your word.
What you think and especially what you say—becomes your reality.

• Don’t make assumptions.
There is ALWAYS a deeper meaning, a lesson to be learned, a reason for everything that happens. Learn to perceive with an open mind and generous heart.

• Always do your best.
Your best is being your truth, being true to your Self, and choosing Love over Fear.

• Don’t take anything personally.
Some of our old story lines are like family heirlooms. We’ve been carrying the energy of our ancestors, our family stories—the good, the bad and the ugly.

Time to let go of all that does not serve us.

Your body holds onto the energy of these story lines and manifests dis-ease, aging, injury, fatigue, insomnia.

Time to clear the temple of your being.

Learning to Love yourself erases all that no longer serves.

You have to be willing to love yourself so much that you are willing to love and appreciate all even the despair, anguish, shame, blame, guilt, sadness, feeling of betrayal, victim consciousness, poverty consciousness and feeling of unworthiness—everything and release it to the Light of Love.

Here’s an exercise that may help:

1) Write down every story that you keep repeating in your life. Then place it under a heading such as self-sabotage, grief, sadness, poverty-consciousness, apathy, unworthiness etc.

2) In stillness and with love, find in your heart appreciation for the story and the part you played. Release each story, one at a time, with heartfelt love, back to the Divine Light. Say out loud: “I end this story. It is complete.”

3) Then take a deep cleansing breath and say out loud and with absolute belief—I Am Love Say it at least 12 times! See inside of yourself how the release of the old stories are making space in your being for something new and abundantly joyous to be played out in your life.

4) When you are ready, simply choose Love and another storyline one that is abundantly rich in passion, love, light, and joy!

May you be blessed with love and light.

57. TRANSFORMING YOURSELF

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

I began My LoveDance® the year I turned 50, fully expecting great change by 2012.

In the past four years, I’ve experienced even more change. I’m not the only one. Many of my patients and family and friends experienced major transitions since 2012.

More change. More death. So many deaths.

I meditated on this once after providing grief counseling for a half a dozen patients in as many days. Many were young, unexpected deaths.

Why are so many souls transitioning at this time?

And I saw:

A bridge of light between the dead and their loved ones. And the earth being pulled through their connection into the next dimension.

By dimension, I mean higher vibration. Like Love is a higher vibration than fear.
We are transforming, all of us, even the earth.

It’s been a time of turmoil. A roller coaster of events creating great change. Some desired. Some unexpected. Some dreaded, but all needed. The whole world is transforming. People around the world are asking for change, gathering, protesting, demonstrating. The time is ripe for transformation. Why?

Because we cannot evolve without change. We have been like caterpillars consuming everything in our need to grow. And then it seems everything stood still…there was little growth…as if we were in a cocoon of our own making…some have called it a recession and financially perhaps it is, but I call it a transformation. For under the stillness, great change is occurring. The caterpillar is transforming into a butterfly. Soon the first of the butterflies will emerge.

You will see it as hope. Sweet happenings across the globe, in your neighborhood, perhaps in your own backyard…giving you hope…Like the feeling of wonder you get when you watch a butterfly emerge from a cocoon…then try its fragile wings in first flight. Hope.

So many have been cleaning house…our physical abodes and our subconscious as well. Getting rid of all that doesn’t serve us…it’s hard, but we must make room for the new. And you can’t receive if your arms and heart are full of old stuff.

I have been encouraging my patients to literally clean out their closets. When they have felt stuck, reliving old issues over and over again, seemingly making no progress, I encourage them to see their situation as a sign. It’s time to clean their dwelling place. Start with the physical. Yes, their homes.

We all have stuff in our closets. Old stuff that once served us but no longer fits, no longer useful. Stuff we don’t need anymore. Stuff that’s just taking up space. So if you haven’t used it for at least two years, you probably won’t. Give it away. Sell it if you must. But get it out of your closets, out of your cupboards, out of your home.

Lighten up and make room for the new.

Cleaning out our homes at the physical level will help us clean out ourselves. And this time I’m not talking about a liver cleanse. I’m talking about cleaning out our psycho-spiritual closets.

Those old beliefs in our consciousness. You know the ones:

• I’m not good enough.

• I don’t deserve better.

• I’m alone.

• Good things do not happen to me.

• I’m worthless.

• No one loves me.

• How can they? I don’t even love myself.

We all have these imprinted beliefs. Perhaps we’ve lived a life highlighting these beliefs. Perhaps we were imprinted with these negative beliefs in childhood. Perhaps we came into this life with these feelings.

Either way. These NOT GOOD ENOUGH beliefs lie deep in our consciousness and are often at the root of our real problems…Our health problems. Our financial problems. Our relationship problems. Our problems being happy and feeling love.

So let’s clear our closets. Let’s let go of that which no longer serves us.

No one really likes change. We get too comfortable where we are. Even if where we are is not in our best interest. So it takes the Divine to give us the boot! Right out of our comfort zone and into a new reality.

We suffer because we don’t know how to transform our selves gracefully.

I challenge each and every one of you to write down on a piece of paper everything in your closet that does not serve you. Everything… What are you ready to release?

• Your fear? Write it down.

• You’re not good enough? Write it down.

• Your feelings of worthlessness? Write it down.

• Your poverty? Write it down
• Your loveless life? Write it down.

• Your poor health? Write it down.

Now. Hold that piece of paper in your hand. Close your eyes. And express your gratitude for these negative beliefs. Yes, thank them! You cannot release them in anger…they will come back to stick to you like a burr. Release them with gratitude and they will release you.

Now. Once you are finished expressing your thankfulness for all the old beliefs you have written down that no longer serve you, it is time to burn that paper. You can bury it as well. But I prefer to release the smoke of what I no longer need into the universe. It will be transformed into something else…something better.

Then get another piece of paper and write down everything you desire.

I desire love.

I desire joy.

I desire to be debt free—financially and karmically.

I desire to be my best self.

Whatever you desire. Write it down. And then fold up the paper and write one word that comes to you on the outside of the folded paper. One word that represents all that you desire.

Freedom

Ease

Peace

Joy

Love

And let that one word be your mantra for the rest of the year. Place the paper on your altar, under or near a candle, by a sacred object, wherever you feel is most appropriate for this little piece of paper that holds your hope.

I like to do this ceremony at the winter solstice and refer to my mantra at the equinoxes and summer solstice. A reaffirming for me. And the mantra becomes a barometer for all I do that year.

On the winter solstice of 2001, my husband and I came up with a mantra of EASE for the coming year. Everything we did was using the barometer of our 2002 mantra. If we were struggling with a decision, then we were not in ease…so we chose the ease and things just started to flow. That’s how we found our current home. With ease, it flowed into our lives. In a way that we could not previously imagine.

EASE. What a great mantra. I suggest it to many of my patients who struggle so in their lives. Let go, and be at Ease.

Your mantra is a seed of energy you plant in your consciousness. Writing down your intentions and referring to them throughout the year is watering and fertilizing that seed so it might grow. Some seeds take a long time to sprout. Some grow into trees that take a long time to fruit. The seed of EASE sprouted into a lovely flower garden at first, but truly it is a deep-rooted plant…for EASE continues some fourteen years later bearing us precious fruit.

May this time find you nurturing your mantra seed. May your life be filled with great joy, with love, with beauty and with blossoms that attract butterflies of hope.

55. DISENTANGLE YOUR CORDS OF ATTACHMENT – Part Two

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

I did this same exercise while writing my first book, LoveDance®. I wrote from the perspective of the heroine and like most novelists I used those in my life to base my characters. Envisioning how “Mary” would disentangle her cords of attachment to “Teoma”, I realized I must disentangle from my husband. For three days, he refused to go to work, sick to his stomach. I didn’t have a chance, while nursing him, to do the meditation let alone write it. Finally, he returned to work and I opened myself to receive the gift of the encounter with my laptop. While writing Mary’s disentanglement from Teoma, I disentangled my violet life cord from my husband’s vibrant green. The knots of our most recent struggles all the way back to those formed when our first child was born prematurely. The older knots were so well fermented I could sip the sweet wine of their gifts easily. The more recent knots—like our struggle with our changing roles as parents and the interference writing a book brought to our daily life—were more acrid in their newness, but I took the bitter cup and using the lubrication of love, found the gifts.

Mary and I floated free, breathing easily in the river of consciousness, while Teoma struggled to cling to the bank feeling very much abandoned. The moment I pushed “save”, my husband called. He was having a horrible day and “felt abandoned.” In spite of my reassurance, it took three weeks of repetitive visualizations before he relaxed and I no longer felt the painful ache of his sense of abandonment mirrored in my heart.

Now I did this same visualization with my firstborn, disentangling my violet from their indigo. My knots of expectation in their success in school were more difficult to unravel than the original knot between us representing their difficult birth. All the challenges of their prematurity and their numerous endocrine problems became one of my most profound gifts. My first child is why I do what I do, why I became an expert in clinical neuro-immune-endocrinology. The more recent knot representing my struggle with allowing them to be on their own, trusting that they would be safe and happy in a world without my constant maternal influence was a bit more difficult. The well-hidden gift turned out to be…accepting my transformation as a mother from nurturer-protector to confidante-advisor. In accepting them, I accepted myself. Twenty-four hours after I loosened the last knot between us, my wise child called me from college in San Francisco. “What are you doing down there, Mom? I feel lighter than ever!” I explained the disentanglement and they encouraged me to continue and “let go of us all, even yourself, and see, how enlightened you can be.”

So I did. Each and every significant person in my life, I disentangled from, I felt more and more free and my relationships with each person changed, transformed by love into something finer. I even disentangled from all I believed myself to be—a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a healer, a woman, even from Deborah—and discovered my truth, which is joy.

Since disentangling from our daughter while she was a sophomore in high school, now that the time had come to let her grow up and go away to college, I am handling it better than I did with my first. With them, my body reminded me of the pain of birthing…I suffered from a sciatic condition (just like when I gave birth) that lasted from the moment I helped them fill out their college applications to the day I drove them up to the University of San Francisco. Now with my daughter, the pain is a bittersweet heartache, not physically manifested. The kind of ache that actually feels good, like watching a sad movie and crying your heart out and knowing the joy of being human is to feel passionately.

In fact, my ethereal connection with my children has been so acutely enhanced since disentangling from them, that I realize the knots of my entanglements interfered with the clarity of my perceptions. Since letting my daughter grow up, I sleep soundly, only twice bolting out of bed, feeling her panic and calmly contacting her (via the telephone, since telepathy is difficult through the veil of fear) and all was well. I’ve taught her to trust the inner knowing and realize that through trial and error she will learn to ride the wave of our ethereal connection.

Actually, when it came time to escort our daughter to college, my husband did pretty well. He cried of course, and while at first resisting disentanglement, he admitted to having worked on it and yes, he felt lighter, less fearful, more willing to let her go and trust she will be well. And we both began to receive the gift of her leaving, becoming closer than ever, falling in love all over again—just the two of us.

So how might you release the illusion of your entanglements? Envision your life color, whatever comes to you is fine, then envision the color of the other person. Your red cord and her blue cord are braided nicely for the most part, but knotted in places. Like a precious necklace entangled into the thread of a silk sweater you do not want to break either, but carefully loosen the knots using the lubrication of love.

I live near the beach and off the coast, derricks pump oil from the floor of the Pacific Ocean. Often I come home with tar stuck to the soles of my feet. Only oil gets it off—like dissolving like. These knots in your cords of attachment seem like tar, but they are gifts of love and only the lubrication of love can dissolve the knots. If you look with eyes of love you can find the gift in each knot. It’s not easy, but after two or three knots, the entangled cords start unraveling, setting you free to float in the river of consciousness. You do not need to share with the person you are releasing what you have done, but your relationship WILL change.

No matter how ugly the wrapping, there is always a gift of love waiting to be discovered. So just let go. Disentangling your cords of attachment will free you to be your truth—the most precious gift of all.

56. MINING YOUR DNA

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

I’ve been teaching my patients for years that thought becomes manifest in our DNA. Our self-talk directs our DNA to dance accordingly…as healing or dis-ease. And Russian scientists have now proven it!

Consciously directing our DNA is why I created Genesis Gold®…I alchemized into the formula (which came to me in dreams) my heartfelt intention to optimize our genetic potential by balancing hormones, neurotransmitters and cytokines (tiny immune messengers) so our biochemistry sings harmoniously to our DNA. With the help of Genesis Gold®, many have healed themselves.

Healing at the genetic level is through a symphony of biochemicals that carry messages to the DNA. Most of us are born with DNA encoded for survival. If our communication networks are functioning properly then the DNA gets the proper messages to adapt to any situation. Dis-ease is more of a maladaptation to the environmental exposures and disharmonious energies.

We now have scientific proof that water has memory and can be imprinted with whatever it is exposed to. Since our bodies are made up of at least 60% water then it holds true that we can imprint our cellular fluids with healing through positive thoughts, nourishing foods and joyous experiences. I’ve “known” this to be true since I became a healer… my healing energies are imprinted in Genesis Gold® and every day I take it, I send blessings to all those who are drinking it with me.

When the Japanese earthquake sent radiation spilling into the ocean, many of my patients called concerned. I told them that first, Genesis Gold® has enough sea vegetation in it to protect their thyroid from radiation uptake, and second, that by promoting harmonious communication, they would adapt to whatever comes.

Your DNA has the best blueprint for your adaptation to any situation.

Imagine mining your DNA for gold: Health. Wellbeing. Longevity. Vitality. Greater Mental Abilities. Emotional Intelligence. More Refined Senses. Increased Sensitivity. Sacred Attributes. Well, you can.

I mine my DNA by swimming Fibonacci patterns. Diving under the water I imagine diving into myself, into my cells, into my own genetic code.

With each figure eight I swim, my mind clears, I relax into myself, and soon insight bubbles to the surface. I like to swim but you can do it anyway you please. The figure eight motion whether swimming, walking, dancing is meditative in itself.

Anytime I have a healing concern, I dive into myself. Usually my body will communicate back to me what is needed to heal: a change in diet, more sleep, different activities, a change in scenery.

Going more deeply, past the afflicted body part, into the tissues, the cells, finally into the DNA itself, I find what is needed may be a shift in consciousness.

First we must be open to change before healing transformation can begin. That’s really the hardest part—being open to receive healing.

When healing seems evasive, I often wonder how I’m blocking healing. Usually it’s emotional. Unresolved grief, unexpressed anger, or deep fear manifests itself as dis-ease. It’s the emotion that may be blocking healing, even our own healing intentions.

Once I had a patient come to me to lose weight. So I counseled her on changing her sleep patterns (she was a night owl which contributes to insulin resistance and obesity), changing her diet (which was SAD—the Standard American Diet—high in calories, low in nutrients), begin exercising (she was completely sedentary with a daytime desk job) and most importantly to learn to love herself enough to make the changes necessary to get healthy.

She struggled with her weight…never quite ready to make all the changes necessary to get healthy. Oh, she dieted and would lose some weight. She started exercising and again weight would come off. She learned to sleep at night which improved her insulin resistance. Yet she was coming for help, out of fear of dis-ease, not out of love for herself. While we made some progress, it didn’t stick.

Then she started taking Genesis Gold® and began noticing all the ways she was sabotaging herself. She described becoming a more compassionate observer of herself. She decided finally it was time to change for good.

She took the plunge. And discovered a deeply ingrained belief that was sabotaging her weight loss. Over time with more counseling and more work on her part to learn to love and appreciate herself, this patient got down to healthy weight and has remained there since. And she does not have to be so strict with her diet or obsessive with her exercise. She can even miss some sleep and not miss a beat. With the change of attitude and help of Genesis Gold® to balance her hypothalamus, her hormones, and her metabolism, she is manifesting her best self.

It takes much courage to dive into yourself and discover what is needed for your highest wellbeing. No one else can do this for you. You can be guided with visual imagery, hypnotized, counseled ad nauseum, yet ultimately, you must commit to yourself and take the plunge.

I created Genesis Gold® to help us tap into our greatest potential. It’s all in our DNA, everything needed to be healthy. We are already whole. We just got to dive deep to discover the treasure. Go on, now, take the plunge!

55. DISENTANGLE YOUR CORDS OF ATTACHMENT – Part One

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

Driving back home on Southern California freeways crowded with tourists taking advantage of the last glorious summer weekend…an ache in my breast, a dark shadow where the sun once shone, an eclipse in my existence…I left my daughter, my sunshine, at the university in San Diego.

How long I’ve prepared for this transition, how many soulful meditations, how many intimate conversations with so many other mothers who have gone through this phase of life. Yet in spite of all my work, during that last kiss goodbye, the cords that bound our hearts pulled so tight to nearly snap.

I released my firstborn into the world four years before, but my daughter filled up the space that he left behind, so much so that now there is a void in my heart, in my home, in my life.

Having counseled my patients, hundreds of them, through life’s transitions, I should know better, I should take my own advice. Haven’t I told them how within the web of life, we float upon the river of consciousness, connected by invisible threads from heart chakra to heart chakra? Attached to everyone, and entangled with all we love, all we hate, all with whom we struggle.

So as a mother of an empty nest, some would advise that I cut the cord for her wellbeing and mine. But that is an old paradigm teaching and an illusion for we can never cut ourselves off from creation. We are all on the web, connected together. There is only one of us here. We are all part of the One Consciousness, all cells of the One Being. Every cell in my body knows it is a part of me just like I am a part of the earth and the sun, the plants and the creatures. Research by neuro-biologist, Candace Pert PhD, has shown that even when cells, tissues, or whole organs are removed, that the cells “remember” where they came from responding more like the donor than the transplant recipient. And I am connected to my daughter, imprinted since her birth, no matter how distant she is from me.

I know this to be true, because I can feel her emotion, especially her fear…it has wakened me up in the middle of the night when she has most needed me. I trust this connection even more so than my vision. It has served me as a mother and especially as a healer. I feel my patients’ dis-ease in the mirror of my being, but I have learned over the years not to embody their imbalances. Although connected to each and every one, I have learned to disentangle from the drama of being a healer and this is what I teach to my patients.

Imagine your life color as an infinitely strong gossamer thread emerging from your heart chakra to the heart of every other living thing. Each aspect of creation has its own color, born on the rainbow of light; its own vibration, its own sound. Imagine someone you are struggling with—your spouse, your child, your parent, your boss, whoever. What is their color? Imagine their cord and your cord braided together with knots scattered here and there. These knots represent your struggles, your difficulties in the relationship, your entanglements with each other.

Most of the people I counsel—my patients, my family, my friends—complain about the dramatic struggle within their relationships, know that they must make a change, come to me for help…and I tell them to disentangle from that being they are struggling with. We do the visualization together. They see their color, they see the color of the other person, they see themselves tied up in knots, they feel this entanglement literally as an ache in their breast, but when I begin to have them identify the knots in their cords of attachment, while they can name the problems that the knots represent, they have no idea how to untangle themselves. In fact, most are afraid, most claim they cannot let go.

Upon the river of consciousness, we all float, but entangled with others we struggle for breath, trussed together heart to heart, only one can breathe at a time, while the other holds her breath and prays. Everyone in our lives is a mirror to our souls, each reflecting back what we most need to learn, the judgments we hold of our humanity. What we like in another is what we appreciate in ourselves, what we dislike is what we need to change or accept in us.

How can you see in the mirror if your nose is pressed to the glass? That is why my patients struggle with disentanglement because they cannot see clearly what the lesson is in the struggle with another.

So I help them identify the most recent knot and going back in time a few more knots. Oh, they can name the knots, but not the gifts. What gifts? What could possibly be good about these struggles? Why, I tell them, every struggle is a gift that must be unwrapped. To receive the gift, first you must recognize it as a gift. Not all gifts have lovely exteriors in fact the most precious may be very ugly.

My Nana used to wrap up her garbage. Living in the city, the more compact the trash, the more likely the trash man would take it away, except Nana used to wrap it so nicely that Poppop would find it left on the step. The trash man thought it was a gift, so lovely was the wrapping. You see, you can’t always tell by the wrapping; life’s gifts are rarely wrapped so nicely.

My husband struggled with letting our daughter grow up. Once when he overstepped his parental boundaries, she told him after raising him for eighteen years she was done! He cried, “but I don’t know how to let you go.” She turned him over to me, “Mom, remember those cords of attachment? Dad needs your help.”

So I explained the concept and he amazed me by visualizing their life colors just as I do. He is forest-green, she—golden as sunshine. He could see how they were tied together in a lovely fishtail braid, and he could see the knots, especially how they struggled with her growing independence, but he couldn’t see the gift in lifting her curfew and allowing her some freedom before she took off to college. He could only see the sleeplessness until she arrived home at night, the worry about her making safe decisions. I pointed out that unlike his good friend who had not loosened the reins on his daughter, my husband after weeks of suffering adapted slowly albeit surely, finally falling asleep well before she arrived home. When she is away at college, he will rest, but his poor friend will not.

My husband agreed, but still struggled with receiving the gift of the knot, claimed, “I don’t want to let her go.” Heartbreakingly honest. Fearing to let go, fearing that we may not be able to float on our own in the river of consciousness, not trusting that we are still connected, we struggle and tighten the knots.

To Be Continued on Friday.

54. TO HEAL SELF – Part Two

Excerpt from “My Lovedance”

Healing is an innate power within each and every one of us. It is encoded, I believe, in the unexpressed DNA, ready to be turned on by the power of our intentions. The National Cancer Institute has reported success in treating melanoma patients by genetically altering their white blood cells to enhance the ability of the immune system to kill cancer. In early cancer research, success means any cure since researchers tend to get medical failures to experiment on, so perhaps the 13 out of 15 subjects who were not cured had their immune systems destroyed by radiation and chemotherapy. The power to heal via a strong and vibrant immune system is innate.

I believe that clear intention and pure desire can turn that unexpressed DNA on, so perhaps the two melanoma patients who were cured believed so valiantly in the therapy that their hopes and prayers enabled their disabled genetics to remember how to fight off cancer.
As a healer, I have learned that I do not heal anyone, but educate them to heal themselves. I provide biochemical and psycho-spiritual counsel. I hold the intention, the energy of health and well-being mirrored in my body, in my DNA. Once a young woman I had been seeing since her teens insisted on an office exam just six months after her annual pap smear. There was no medical reason for her to come, so I questioned her. She very eloquently answered, “I just need to sit in your presence, feel your vibration, and I am set for about half year.”

I have a dear older patient, who makes me promise after every visit, every phone call to stay well. “We need your vibrancy to remember how to be whole.”

After working all my life to be an example of health through exercise, nutrition, and lifestyle choices, I know that my true talent is in perceiving every event in my life as a lesson. Plus a positive attitude can be seriously protective.

Once in Seattle, I attended a detoxification seminar. After the morning presentations about all the toxins in our everyday environment, we were released for lunch. This group of holistic nurses, physicians, naturopaths and chiropractors hesitated to choose anything from the menu of what seemed to be a reasonably healthy restaurant. With my usual gusto, I ordered tuna on fire and the rest of them looked at me like I was nuts. One woman asked if I had paid attention to the statistics on heavy metal contamination of fatty fish.

“Why, yes. I took scrupulous notes, but I do not believe in my vulnerability to toxicity. At this very moment, your fear is sucking the mercury right out of my tuna.” True, although I have eaten contaminated seafood all my life, I have not tested positive for heavy metal toxicity. Was it favorable genetics, perhaps…or my attitude?

Whenever I see a seriously contagious patient, I say to myself, “This is not your bug!” and rarely catch their illness. When I do become ill, it is usually a psycho-spiritual dilemma in which I have been paying little attention and finally my body is reminding me to take care of it.

My accident was truly a gift. I had never been seriously injured before in spite of vigorous and dangerous activities—mountain biking, skiing, scuba diving, road bike racing—never given a personal chance to learn how healing works.

What I learned was this: that gratitude is the key to the power of intention. With all the positive encouragement, my body rapidly responded. It makes me wonder how much faster I might have healed if I didn’t spend the first day fussing over my predicament. Fear definitely hampers healing. Surely I have seen this to be true.

Years ago, I had diagnosed a 32-year-old patient with metastatic breast cancer. Granted, I was well trained in western medicine and was dabbling in natural therapies, but cancer? She was not just a patient, but a co-worker, a friend, my age and very much concerned about her husband’s fifteen-year-old niece, who was fretting over her young healthy breasts, fearful of developing her aunt’s cancer. I taught the girl how to examine herself, explained that she shared none of her aunt’s risk factors, they weren’t even related, but shortly after we buried her aunt, the girl developed a tumor. In the exact same spot.

Mind over matter? I was taught then and there the power of thought when fueled by fear. And I have seen over and over again, patients worrying themselves into disease…yet I have also seen the power of hope, love and gratitude to cure what was deemed incurable.

Bernie Segal, the author of Love, Laughter, and Medicine, was one of the first allopathic doctors to explore the curative power of love. He stated case after case of illnesses derived by suggestion—like the man who was just about to be discharged from the hospital but told instead by an intern that he had only days to live and died—as well as the cures—like the man whose family decided not to tell him that his cancer was fatal and lived well beyond his physician’s dire prognosis.

In my experience, most of my breast cancer patients tend to take care of everyone but themselves. Unless they receive that lesson, they do not survive the disease. I have some amazing women in my practice who have healed themselves by understanding that their cancer was their souls’ cry for help, not attending to the souls’ needs for so long that their body had to get their attention. Some use traditional allopathic treatments, others use only natural therapies, most who seek my care combine the two. I do not dictate to them what they must do to heal, what therapeutics to choose, but counsel them to make peace with their bodies, find the gift in their disease and begin healing with the faith that they have the innate ability to cure themselves.

Many of my patients come to me “hormonally-challenged”. I coined this term years ago to describe not just the aging process or stress-related deficiencies, but also the resistance to our own bio-chemical messengers. You might have heard of insulin resistance leading to obesity and diabetes, but you can have cellular receptor site resistance to any of your own hormones produced by your gonads, adrenals, thyroid, even your pituitary gland.

If I diagnose an insulin resistant patient early and put him on a low glycemic diet and supplements to enhance cellular receptivity, but do not help him explore the fact that he may unconsciously feel unworthy of the sweetness in life, he will require more and more therapeutic assistance and the most strictly abstinent diet just to keep his blood sugars under control. If he receives the gift of his insulin resistance and begins healing his sense of unworthiness, his cells open to receive the glucose necessary to run his metabolism. He becomes metabolically more active, loses that midline fat as well as the risk factors that would have led to diabetes and heart disease, but more so, he takes delight in life.

The spring before my accident, I attended a Science and Consciousness conference in Albuquerque and realized how I had healed myself. Gregg Braden spoke on his newest book, The Isaiah Effect, which explained that prayer and healing worked through clear intention fueled by loving gratitude. So with my experience and armed with the equation for manifestation, I began teaching my patients. Sometimes the Isaiah effect worked, but not always, especially in dealing with relationship issues.

I am not the only soul in the universe, but am part of a great whole, so when my intentions would not become manifest as rapidly as I desired, my husband would remind me that it’s not in Deborah-timing, but Divine-timing.

The next year while researching my first novel, LoveDance®, I discovered Neil Douglas Klotz. His work explained that the terms translated as good and evil from the Aramaic, tava and bisha, actually meant—ripe and unripe. So Divine-timing meant Ripe timing.

We have been taught that the formula for manifestation was clear intent plus pure emotion is what creates our reality. But the formula is not algebraic, it’s trigonometric. Not duality but trinity. There is a third part—ripe timing.

X + Y + Z = Manifestation
Whereas:
X = Intention
Y = Emotion
Z = Timing
Your Intention + Your Emotion + Divine Timing = Your Reality

So now I counsel my patients to continue to hold clear intentions of healing their bodies, their minds, their relationships; fuel their intentions not with fear but with loving gratitude; and in ripe-timing, they will manifest. And the rewards will be sweet indeed.

Every day, I thank my body for her strength, her health, her vitality. Like taking my nutraceutical supplement—Genesis Gold®—and staying active, I see gratitude as a proactive means to support my wellbeing. I am trying very hard to practice what I preach, so neither my body nor my inner voice must scream to get my attentions. And thankfully now that guiding voice has become a gentle whisper.