genesis gold

Mucking Parasites

This morning I was mucking the corral, removing the old sodden straw from under the oak tree that my mare likes to lie under. The green swampy aroma of wet hay brought me back three and half decades as I remembered sampling the same kind of muck for my freshman biology class—the beginning of my love affair with science.

Mucking is hard work. I’m sure to feel it later. But the swampy soup of microbes living under this matt of straw must be moved. It’s not good for the oak tree and it’s not good for my mare. Unfortunately her wet slimy bed is contributing to the thrush in her hooves.

We live in a world of microbes. Some are parasites—feeding off of us, infecting us, weakening us. Some are symbiotic—helping us digest our food, protecting us from pathogens, breaking down our waste.

Thrush is horse fungus.  A parasitic microbe.

As I cleared the muck under the oak tree, I knew the sunlight would clear this parasite. The ground would dry enough to lay down fresh straw and my mare will be delighted. Fresh straw for a horse is like catnip for a kitty. She’ll be in heaven. And free of parasitic thrush.

How many times have I diagnosed parasites in my patients? Fungal infections, viral infections, intestinal parasites—all feeding off their resources, taking a toll on their health and wellbeing.

How many times have their parasitic infections been a reflection of their parasitic relationships in their lives? Human parasites—codependent relationships with loved ones and friends, emotionally abusive relationships at home and at work.

Parasitic relationships—inside and out.

Enlightening my patients as to the relationship between their internal parasites and those parasitic relationships in their external world helps begin their healing process. They recognize the connection and see the symbolism of their body’s language.

We all have skeletons in our closets. Old wounds, traumas, issues of dysfunction from childhood, from past relationships. Once we begin cleaning out our closets, we become aware of our parasitic relationships. Sometimes our body has to mirror the parasitic relationships as infestations before we recognize our human parasites.

And Genesis Gold often brings our parasitic relationships up to the surface of our consciousness. I created Genesis Gold to heal maladaptive genetic expression–one of which is vulnerability to parasites. Our body mirrors our soul’s lessons. Genesis Gold illuminates that which no longer serves, so we might release it.

As we begin to choose symbiotic over parasitic relationships, our reality shifts.

Dis-ease heals.

Relationships heal.

Yet like mucking a corral, mucking out parasites is hard work!

Parasites don’t give up easily. So be prepared for die off. Your parasites, whether they be microbes or humans, will hang on for dear life. They don’t want to be cut off from the source—of food, of finances, of emotional support—no matter how damaging for you.

Don’t give up. Stay the course. Treat the parasites. Then wait. They will come back. To test your vulnerability. So treat them again!

You’ll be sore. But it’ll be a good sore. Because you’ll know that you are choosing symbiosis.

Choosing to live in mutually beneficial relationships with everyone—microbes and humans alike.

So when the time is ripe, dig in and muck out your parasites—inside and out.

The Father and I are One

Since the beginning of the year, the 11th of each month has felt…well, different. After the Japanese earthquake, I was sure I wasn’t the only one feeling the 11th. So I googled it and found the 11th of each month described as vibrational portals leading to 11-11-11. On 4-11-11, I felt compelled to hold ceremony so I called up Grandmother Kathy and took her to the beach. In sacred ceremony we gifted the ocean with the intention of healing the earth. I felt this intense energy coming from the sun…no actually through the sun and recognized the galactic center blessing us. On the wet low tide sands, I danced the sacred union of Father Sun and Mother Earth…what an amazing experience!

Lately, I keep seeing multiples of 11 every time I look at the clock (11, 22, 33, 44). I looked up the significance of these master numbers and calculated my numerology number by birth date and it is 22…but still this doesn’t settle my soul…something more is up.

On Monday, in spite of having accomplished everything I need before our vacation commenced, I awoke with a vague melancholy. Then I realized the date…7-11-11…and felt compelled to hold ceremony again…but what? Trusting all would be well I opened my journal in hopes of inspiration and…. it came to me…

…These portals are DNA activations! In alignment with the chakra’s…the first three were not as noticeable to me (I can only guess that these layers are well activated by Genesis Gold), the fourth felt like a celebration of the heart chakra…Love… the fifth and sixth were subtle, yet this seventh was in alignment with work I’ve been doing regarding the Pineal gland. And I have always known the crown chakra to be a connection to the heavens, the multi-dimensional universe. Perhaps why we bow our head in prayer, exposing our crowns to the mouth of God.

At the same time, healing the split with the Divine Masculine has come up in my women’s circle. I began this work exactly a year ago, composing and publishing two articles regarding the Divine Masculine before I was hit with Death…there my focus lie for months through the Karmic Imprint retreat and well after as I released all that no longer served my soul.

I have taken steps to heal my relationship with my own father and while it’s going well, still the Divine Masculine is up again…wanting to be healed in my soul, in the collective feminine, in the world…

I spent my early days as the divine child…androgynous in my being…then embodied the divine son energy using my mind to make my mark in the world, emerging ever so cautiously as the divine daughter…first as lover, then wife, then mother, then peace, oh blessed peace with my sacred femininity as I consumed the bounty of the Earth Mother in Genesis Gold. Then I wrote my experience in LoveDance…the Divine Daughter well rooted in me…that was 8 years ago…over the past year and a half, struggling to compose book two of the LoveDance series, I have been excavating the father wound…naming it, writing it, praying about it, then acting upon it. Knowing that this year, 2011—the year I celebrate my 50th birthday—the time is finally ripe to become whole.

During a guided meditation in my women’s circle, I saw an image of my higher self. And felt compelled to create Her into form. I took my joy to my Q&A journal where I converse with my higher self and she assured me that my hands would “remember” how to form clay. And they did…


This sculpture that I created under the midwifery of Grandmother Kathy—I call Her, Ascencion—is my Higher Self formed from clay. Not only feminine, but in sacred union with the masculine. That is who I am now. She is who I’ve become in my 50 years on earth. Finally balanced.

When it was time to bring Her home after months of work, I was feeling trepidation. Excitement, yet trepidation too. Then I was cast back to 1984, driving to UCLA to pick up Jarys from the NICU…my life forever changed then…and now it would be changed again.

Since bringing Ascencion home, my life has changed. My relationship has deepened even more with my beloved husband. My relationship with my mother has become more refined. I have truly released my son and he is blossoming. My daughter grows in leaps and bounds and no longer am I entangled with her. My relationship with my sisters is blooming…no drama at the last family gathering. And being with my father was joyous….Thank God!

After witnessing the heartfelt struggle with patriarchy from the women in my circle, I took my heavy heart to my beloved husband who shone some divine masculine light of wisdom upon me. Then I sat in counsel with my higher self, consulted with wise women and wondered when this Father Wound would be finally healed. For Blossoming Spirit—the theme of our upcoming retreat—to emerge at the fall equinox, balance must be reached.

Before we met for our first planning meeting, crow left me a feather…I was bringer of the Triple Goddess Tarot Cards from which our women’s circle would choose. I had tied the triple goddess colors of white, red, and black around the crow feather and the eldest “crone” of our circle used the feather to divine the card. Blossoming Spirit was chosen—card number 5, the hierophant—with a strong rejuvenation theme. Just what I dreamt for our next retreat.

For three weeks, I asked crow for another feather having given up the beautiful one to the circle. And only after I abandoned the search and went on a carefree run with Charlie in the meadow to find a black and white feather…balance…only then did crow grace me with a pure black feather under the orange tree—where I pick sunshine to consume every morning before greeting my animals and old man crow!

So on 7-11-11 at 11:11 dressed in violets, I lay under my oak tree to meditate.

And for the first time since I was a child, I felt the presence of Father God. He spoke to me. Explaining that it took this long for me to bond well with the Divine Mother, to discover my truth and transform from human doing to human being…to live as the embodiment of the Divine Daughter and encompass Divine Mother energy into my life with deep honoring of the Divine Grandmother.

He showed me how easily I partnered with the Divine Masculine in Steve and received it in other men. How bravely I tried to heal my relationship with my father …yet still I searched for guidance from the Divine Father.

In answer to my heart prayers of healing the father wound, He came.

And showed me, me as light! A juicy brilliant orange-red began the light show and I felt filled from root to belly…hormonally rejuvenated. Then lime green darkening to peridot as the light rose from solar plexus to heart. The greens deepened to a glorious teal, fluid and dancing with lovely lilac in the center…my heart filled. Then my throat alighted in clear blue, brilliant as the sky and here where I hold trepidation, finally healed by the blue light of truth. Then my head filled with violet, not purple of my youth, but a deep violet that circled around to red and became fuchsia. My new auric color! He showed me that I’ve come full circle and begin again at 50.

The communication was long and deep. For I saw my own DNA dancing. Not the double helix formation but a spiraling spherical star of DNA, many layers deep, no, not layers, He said, not stacked but intertwined, and I looked deeper and saw brilliant strands dancing figure eights of infinity, meeting in the center of the star sphere, some switching partners, some dancing in triplets…Seven lit up brilliantly…four more dancing in the shadows, and the last yet to be enlightened.

All the while Father God spoke to me. He explained how he watched over me all this time through the eyes of crow. My deep connection to this magical black bird that so many fear…it was serving My Father. The one I turned away from so long ago.

No judgment, no sorrow during this glorious reunion with My Father. Only light and love. Exactly what I ask for every time I feel fear. That my fear be lifted and I be filled with light and love. And now I know it has been Him…answering my prayers.

Oh, I am still very much one with My Mother. She flows through me….and I felt Her great Joy as I received Him. She held me in her arms as She presented me, Her Divine Daughter, to My Father. I am so blessed.

I arose at 11:55, 44 minutes in divine communication. I am profoundly affected…the light was so healing…I know now what Yeshua meant by My Father and I are One.

Cycling with the Moon

As I enter the portal of menopause, I yearn for a way to release when my blood no longer flows. My cycle prefers to mimic the moon—menstruating on the dark moon, ripening with the waxing moon, experiencing the fullness of my power on the full moon, releasing with the waning moon—over and over every month, since I began Genesis Gold.

Not before. No, I had such low body fat that I did not have enough sex steroids to menstruate. Years of bulimiarexia had taken its toll. Until 2000, when I first took Genesis Gold, a botanical formula that came to me in dreams, did my body finally realize its Sacred Feminine potential and I had my first period without the aid of bio-identical hormone replacement therapy.

It was a miracle that I even conceived my children. Both came to me in dreams and then I would gain five pounds and conceive…without menstruating…on my own. My gynecologists were flabbergasted, but my pregnancies were healthy, although delivering the babies was difficult. It wasn’t until my daughter was eleven that I tried to turn the tide of my eating disorder which began just before I entered high school. Although my mother had educated me well throughout puberty, she was disempowered by her upbringing, so my first period was not received in joy. Without a sacred chamam of women with which I might retreat and understand my budding feminine powers, I felt the burden of becoming a woman. So I stopped eating—lost twenty pounds, my breasts, and my period.

In the fall of 1999, I was determined to make peace with my femininity and began wearing a long gypsy skirt during my menses. It was my own personal red tent. My family treated me differently, because I began to treat myself with loving kindness. I rested, drank tea, took long baths, and retreated to my garden to commune with the earth.

A few cycles of wearing my period skirt and I began to have lucid dreams. In response to my prayerful meditation during my moontime, I conceived Genesis Gold. And within two months of taking it, I gained five pounds (the same five pounds I needed to make enough hormones to conceive my children) and started menstruating without exogenous hormonal support at the age of thirty-nine. My body has been following the moon cycle ever since.

So now at the portal of my next feminine transformation, my body still tries to cycle with the moon. At this time, I am taking bio-identical hormones again, a luscious blend of botanicals, I conceived with a wonderful compounding pharmacist. I am ever grateful that my body has waited this long to go through the change. With the support of Genesis Gold, I am entering menopause 4-5 years later than my younger sisters.

So this cycle like so many before, I celebrate with a great release. Under the new moon in the presence of countless stars, I set my intention to bleed out the illusion of unworthiness. It is this not-good-enough attitude that fueled my eating disorder for so long. It is time to let it go.

Just before going to bed, I watched a you tube video of conscious men apologizing to the Sacred Feminine. I wept with joy. I accepted their apology, released our past unconsciousness and opened to receive sacred partnership with the Divine Masculine. I am blessed to be in such a relationship with my beloved husband. And more so blessed to be alive at this time of transformation as the Divine Masculine awakens to honor and co-create a new reality with the Divine Feminine. Then I fell asleep and had a dream.

In my dream, I was ministering to my youngest sister. Her beautiful tan skin was peeling off and underneath was the pale blue veined skin of a man—one that has haunted my dreams since childhood. My daughter, a nursing student, was with me and started to examine her aunt’s desquaminating leg. I shook my head and told her silently, This is a condition that affects women who give up their power and choose to live in parasitic rather than symbiotic relationships with men. Treat her with love but do not take on her dis-ease.

I woke up knowing that the fabric of illusion called unworthiness was finally ripped. I had protected my Divine Daughter with Divine Mother Wisdom. I no longer must wear my not-good-enough veil. Blessed am I to be a woman at this precious time on earth.

A powerful woman healer once sang this to me…and now I can sing it to myself.

Hail, Deborah, full of grace.

Blessed is the fruit of my womb.

And blessed is the world to receive the sweetness of my labor.

And now I sing it to you…

Hail, Sister, full of grace.

Blessed is the fruit of your womb.

And blessed are we to receive the sweetness of your labor.

Thank you, dear sisters, for doing your soul work. For cycling with the moon and dancing with the Divine.

I am honored to be in your sacred presence and look forward to celebrating your feminine transitions with love and joy.

Blessed Be and So It Is.


I am 50! A Long Awaited Joyous Transformation

Sorry for the long wait. My blog has gone untended as I prepared for a joyous transformation.

March 20, 2011—the full moon spring equinox and my 50th birthday.

My beloved husband threw a marvelous party…a New Orleans crawfish boil…and I invited all I love past and present…yet was conflicted to who would come…I knew only those brave souls who would be part of this great transformation would celebrate with me…and we experienced a great storm…high winds, freezing rain, floods…one-third of the guests did not make it…but 2/3—a perfect PI—arrived wet yet happy to be with me. And we celebrated with food, wine and laughter. Dressed in a goddess gown with butterfly headdress in honor of this great transformation, I was queen for the day in violet, gold and white. The storm raged all day and night. My neighbor commented only the storm of the century for Deborah’s 50th birthday. A salt of the earth friend captured the day in photos while a couple of sister-friends from my past came to celebrate with a neighborhood triad and a tetrad of sisters from my women’s circle. The women in my life…my mother, my mother-in-law, and my medical assistant…all wise women who support and love me unconditionally.  Most of these women brought their men…only those men in deep reverence for the sacred feminine came. And my grandmothers held space in the ethers. Best of all my children were here…to help my beloved husband…throw the party of the year!


What a relief to know my truth.

It all began awhile ago, when I began receiving gifts of honey. First after the new year, from an old friend—a magic sister from my past sharing the fruits of her shop—then from a patient, who just “knew” she needed to buy a jar of macadamia nut honey…I ate it all, both honeys, wondering what’s next. Each spoonful of sweetness evoked a deep remembrance. I am Deborah!

Finally 50 and now I know.

Deborah is the Mycenaean Queen Bee Goddess, worshipped in ancient Crete. The bee represented the soul and rebirth for the Mycenaeans, as well as being a symbol of feminine power. Bee society is organized around a central Queen, with the female worker bees as builders of the hive. The power of the Goddess Deborah was carried forward into the character of Deborah in the biblical Book of Judges. She is referred to as the “mother of Israel”, and inspired her people to a victory over their captors, the Canaanites. The Song of Deborah is one of the oldest parts of the bible (dating from the 8th century B.C.), and is said to be her victory song.

Awake, awake, Deborah:
awake, awake, utter a song.

Judges 5:12.

I felt the shift coming, on the edge of the mystery, within the portal of transformation. I always knew that after 50, I would not exist. Death or transmutation into something unknown. March 9th began the ninth wave in Mayan belief—where everything speeds up in preparation for the shift.

I KNOW the shift is necessary to create what I DESIRE.

In the meantime, I am slow. Waiting, dreaming, doing very little….except remembering, ceremony, creating.

I write a little…dances and songs of old come through me. Then in women’s circle, I had a vision of birthing from the womb/heart of the Earth Mother. I emerged golden with amethyst wings in sweet repose on a powerful blood horse. I had to sculpt my vision…and I did. Over the next seven weeks midwifed by a grandmother, my vision emerged from my hands. And now she sits waiting to be colored, to be fired, to be seen.

A great need to celebrate my 50th year here on earth. Once with my blood sisters…in a three day weekend filled with family drama—oh sisters, I long to know your soul, yet when we gather, we play roles of old—pain and pleasure as sisters fight and kiss, judge and love in their “you are blood, you are ours” way—then a great release of all that does not serve me…At my women’s circle, I became the new “maiden” in the triad of sisters who shall serve the circle, there I planted a seed of intention—TO RECEIVE THE ABUNDANCE OF LOVE AND JOY FROM SACRED SISTERHOOD—Let it Be, Let it Be!

Just as California awaits the arrival of a wave of radiation, we turn dark Helga into fiery Margarita.

My Joyous Transformation

My Joyous Transformation – created by a patient while she went through the change – this metal sculpture of a woman transforming into a butterfly has been my inspiration as I enter the Change.

So many fear the effects of the earth changes, calling for advice on what to do to prepare for radiation exposure. I have no fear…I created Genesis Gold for just this purpose. To assist us physically, emotionally and spiritually through the shift of ages. There is enough seaweed in Genesis Gold to protect—no worries! And better yet the lucidity during this great transformation is profound. I am honored to witness the soul growth of so many who partake Genesis Gold.

And to conclude the formal birthday celebration…

A weekend filled with romance…Steve took me to Avila Beach and when we arrived I felt a pull from deep within a canyon near the pier…”What is that”, I asked. “Diablo Canyon.” Steve replied, “Where the nuclear power plant that sits on a fault line lives.” No fear. No sense of disruption. I wondered when I might “communicate” with the radioactive elements…

After a wet but lovely day of wine tasting…Had an amazing dream while in the arms of my honey…I was being drawn to the surface of the earth from her core…as an element…I was from deep in the earth and parts of me were surfacing all along her crust, brought to the surface artificially, not naturally. I was uncomfortably full of holding energies that were not mine…So very full…feeling that I might explode…no anger, no fear just this bloated feeling…I could hold no more…Then I could feel the light of the sun…our sun and the SUN…light energy from far away penetrated my being AND the bloating began to evaporate…a warm glow enlivened me…I felt lighter and lighter, sinking deeper and deeper into the earth, until She held me in her arms…I awoke knowing that I had experienced plutonium’s journey…

When we returned from our weekend of bliss…I found my seed of intention had sprouted! Sunlight, water and the rich soil of Mother Earth is all it needs to thrive.

All is Well. Those of us who are open to receive the light will help love the world into the next part of this amazing journey on planet earth!

Blessings of Love and Light,

Deborah Maragopoulos MN FNP

Sacred Feminine Healer


I envisioned this blog to be one of Remembrance. Remembering the Divine Daughter—Mary Magdalen, the original Divine Daughter and the heroine of my book—LoveDance: Awakening the Divine Daughter—Yet now two years after the last post…I find myself needing to unveil…again… 

LoveDance: Awakening the Divine Daughter helped me heal the Mother Wound…the original separation from the Divine Mother…as my heroine Mary Magdalen awakened to her truth as the Divine Daughter…so did I…and in doing so received the fullness of the Divine Mother. I reconnected to Her…embodied in the Earth…enlivened in the hearts of so many women here in Ojai…mothers and grandmothers who receive me…as if I am the Divine Daughter…and I feel it. I see the Divine Daughter energy in so many others…women young and old and even a few precious men… Time to feel the fullness of our emotions and allow the Divine Daughter to dance us into wholeness. 

Here’s what I wrote in the book, “My understanding of human consciousness is an evolution of the Mother-Father-Son-Daughter aspects of the Divine. Originally, I believe, humans worshipped the earth as the Divine Mother, her body was ours. Then we looked into the cosmos and envisioned the Divine Father as spirit. In the last two millennia, avatars teaching in parables initiated a revolution of the mind, and ever since the Divine Son has been the center of religious worship. Now the time is ripe for the Divine Daughter to manifest in human consciousness. She is emotion weaving the mind, body, and soul into Sacred Unity with All That Is.” 

The Divine Daughter is alive and well…Awakened now through LoveDance. On the Earth at this time—dancing her dance—her dance of love—LoveDance. 

LoveDance became my philosophy of life. I created a whole website around it. LoveDance is my expression of Self. Love is at the center of the triad of Relationships, Soul Purpose, and Health. I include Health because as a Holistic Nurse Practitioner, Health of Body, Mind, and Soul is paramount in the Process of Enlightenment. It is not enough for me to talk…but to walk my talk…or rather…to dance my truth! 

So now in the midst of this summer of profound transformation, nearly three years after LoveDance was launched, I find myself facing another wound…the Father Wound—separation from the Divine Father. Yes, I have begun Book II…LoveDance is a trilogy…and I began the second book shortly after the first was launched…and I got 1/3 through the writing…just as my heroine Mary Magdalen confronts her father wound…I could write no more! 

Why? Because until I face it, live it, breathe it, am I able to write it. What I wrote in book one became manifest for me. I did not realize the depth of the mother wound I embodied, imprinted since prenatal time, brought into this lifetime as deep karmic imprints. I had done a regression on myself many years before. Way before LoveDance…In fact two years before I dreamt I was Mary Magdalen walking down the streets of Nazareth I brought myself back to the womb…Disentangled myself from maternal karmic imprints… from the Red Cord… 

I shared this story with the Grandmothers Council of Ojai on Mother’s Day. I was an hour late for the gathering, having driven back from a mother-daughter-grandmother weekend in San Diego. It was lovely to spend time with my daughter who was born on Mother’s day 22 years ago. My mother enjoyed herself too, but on the way home her issues with her mother surfaced… there was not much to say…so I just listened…and then dropped her off at her house some 70 miles from Ojai and headed home. I needed to be with the grandmothers. But they too were reliving their mother wounds! So I told them this story: 


Years ago, before my daughter entered puberty, I vowed to get a hold of my eating disorder. If you are a fan of this blog, you know all about it, if not…here goes… 

I was anorexic before Karen Carpenter died and the psychiatrists had named it. I was hypnotized, medicated, and psychoanalyzed. To no avail. Anorexia transformed into bulimia. Not the typical eating disorder because I did not fit their psycho-patterns. No, I had not been molested, no incest, only a father’s great expectations passed onto me of being perfect. Yes, I was the straight A student…and did great things with my life, but there was more. 

Recently eating disorder research has led from blaming the father to blaming the mother. 

Still, I had an excellent relationship with my mother. Had learned from her mistakes. And felt loved, adored by her and my father. My grandparents too, especially my grandmother. No, it wasn’t a parenting problem rooted in childhood. It was something deeper. 

I had begun research on the hypothalamus which led to my dream of Genesis Gold and had been taking the Sacred Seven amino acids for a year when I felt it was time to get to the root of my problem. 

Bulimia was a coping mechanism for me. And while I could stuff my anxieties down with food then purge them into the toilet and flush them away, many, many times, my fear was not my own. How many times had I felt driven to binge just to purge a fear that was greater than me. So what was this fear, I asked. 

I will tell you…it’s not the father, it is the mother…but it’s not about blame. It’s not what you think. 

In a dream, I regressed myself. 

Into the womb, I went. Looking down between my fetal thighs, I was surprised to see NO penis! No blade! How could I accomplish my mission in this form? I felt a pulsation deep in my belly, putrid fearful, coming not from me, but through the umbilical cord—the Red Cord. 

It was my mother’s fear. I felt her. Her world as she perceived it….the struggle with her parents, her new husband, her fear…her fear of her mother, then… 

I was in my grandmother’s womb feeling her fear through the red cord. And then in her mother’s womb feeling her mother’s fear and her mother’s and back and back in time. Like a video montage, yet I could feel the fear…yellow and acidic as bile….the pain, tears, terror…of losing children, abortions, stillborn babies. Of being raped, used as chattel, traded like beasts. Of husbands, and fathers and lovers beating us, blaming us. Of too many babies, of hunger and pain, of sending our sons off to war and our daughters into the same traps we found ourselves. Of burning at the stake, of drowning, of torture for being our truth. Of giving away our power. 

Through my mother’s womb, through hers, and unto the beginning of time. Back to Eve. All of women’s woes…that was my fear. The fear I had been purging forever. 

Time to release it. I awakened with a clear intention and pure desire to release my mothers’ fear, all of my mothers. 

Synchronistically that day, I had an appointment with an energy healer. She was working with another powerful male healer. He stood at my feet, she at my head. I didn’t tell them of my vision, but lay there fully intending to release. And I did. Like a volcanic eruption of black tar, the energy exploded from my belly into the atmosphere. I felt lighter and freer than ever. I opened my eyes and laughed. I sat up. The two healers were plastered against the walls of the healing room. “What was THAT?” 

“That was fear!”  And it’s not mine! 

Then I headed to the beach, and lay on the sand, my feet in the water, the sun on my naked skin and was held by the Great Mother. My Divine Mother loves me…I am everything she ever desired in a daughter. I no longer need to purge the fear of my sex.


So here we are back from the summer of 2001 to now—2010. A summer of great transformation lies before us. Today is truly the first day that it feels like summer here in Ojai. Finally hot…it’s been so mild…perhaps now we can burn the illusion away and unveil the truth. My neck aches from all this typing, but purging on paper (or rather, online) is a sweet means to a sweeter end. Yet my aching neck reminds me that it’s time to heal the Father Wound.

11 Remembering Mary Magdalen: Mirrors Everywhere

I believe everyone in our lives act as mirrors reflecting back to us our soul lessons.

What we see in them is what we believe about ourselves.

Most of us do not see ourselves reflected in others.

Most of us feel as if we are the only ones.

Most of us do not recognize our own divine potential.

But it is as if the G-D has a multiple personality disorder…there is only one of us here!

  Nov 18th, 2003 As I struggle to become the fullness of who I am, I am faced with doubt in my closest mirror—Steve. He thinks I may be delusional. Yes, I hear voices as I did as a child. I communicated telepathically with those who could hear me like Nana. I heard voices of nature, the animals and plants, the wind and the sea. I work energetically with my patients. The reality is this connection, the rest is an illusion. I am remembering the union before I came, the agreements. I reminded him that when I began my spiritual journey six years ago that I was afraid he would be left behind but to my delight he has kept pace, perhaps not seeing things from my perspective but so much more than before we began. I love him dearly. He explained that he has always had to follow me that he has a great responsibility born of love, how much he loves me and the children; he thinks that when I complete this work that I will no longer be the person he remembers loving. But where would I go when in his arms I am grounded to this reality. Once when Kyra was five she described us as a helium balloon. Steve was the string and I was the balloon. Without me he would never get off the ground. Without him I would fly away!   

Nov 25th, 2003 Steve is less concerned now that he’s occupied with building a greenhouse. Kyra is demanding more attention; at 15 she needs me more than at 5. And Jarys returns from college for the holiday. So much is being revealed in this writing, so much coming up to be healed. How sensually I experience every detail like a vivid memory relived. In just two months, I have written over 300 pages and that’s with three weeks vacation and lots of breaks for emotional work and enmeshed within a family, taking care of my menagerie of animals, and seeing patients three days a week! Genesis Gold has certainly helped me stay well during this amazing energetic shift. How many patients have I seen with chronic fatigue after going through such a dramatic portal? 

Dec 4th, 2003 Steve finally seems to trust in the divine orchestration, but like doubting Thomas, he has an ancient reputation to overcome J In Mary’s story it is time to walk on water! What is that about? Visualization and faith? I have always had a tremendous amount of faith—the future holds a healing of the pain of the past. It is coming full circle. I have ethereal guides which are a unique expression of my consciousness, but I yearn for a full mind-body-soul connection.

7 Remembering Mary Magdalen: Synchronicities Abound

We returned from celebrating our anniversary in Italy more in love than when we married twenty years before. My healing practice slowed down but thankfully Genesis Gold® sales made up the difference financially or we might not have survived my obsessive writing.

  November 1st, 2003 The insights are tremendous, releasing fears, misperceptions, experiencing the merge. Yeshua my constant companion, calling in the angels as I desire, the One coming in at peak times. I am truly blessed. I see the birth of the goddess in my patients, in Kyra, in Steve. The chapters keep coming clearly. I am well. Still I get thrust into the future book of political upheaval, but much yet needs to be recorded about our early lives, many lessons. Strange but our cat who has never been affectionate has taken to sitting on my lap while I type the story. Perhaps at 17 she needs to soak in the creative energies. 

Nov 4th, 2003  Another harmonic opening, on the last one in 1987, I conceived Kyra, my delight. Always I have found joy in creating this life, certainly there has been pain, but suffering is a choice. No longer do I choose to suffer. I choose to embrace the light of love. It is my relationship with Uriel (G-D’s light) that has propelled me through many lifetimes of sadness to pick the flowers of joy. As I awaken so does my family. When this book emerges unto the world, the souls who choose to partake of it will remember their highest destiny, overcoming the archetypal consciousness that binds the density of the world. This is a healing for all and yes, for you, my love Yeshua. You released your fears to reunite with the One, but left behind the sacrificial energy of martyrdom. The world has immortalized you but is veiled from your truth by fear. Perhaps through this book, the truth will be set free and you shall be free as well. You shall not leave me alone, for only in my ignorance, in my fear, have I perceived the illusion of separation. Bless your patience for waiting for me to come to this realization. I had a vision once of my guides and angels watching me with bated breath as I stumbled through my existence, but became tickled pink when I finally made progress. Just as in this life, the birth of my son was so traumatic—a result of our tumultuous existence that I had to examine our belief in sacrifice and suffering: Steve ready to martyr himself to save our son, both of us floundering to find love before emerging with an amazing opportunity for growth. Then conceiving our delightful daughter fully invested in our relationship and with her birth moving into a profound happiness, a new home, a new life. We have been together through eternity, both Jarys and Kyra fully cognizant of our connection, of a time before, of their profound purposes reminding me that when I was a child I too remembered the connection and through them reawakened to that which I forgot. Following two steps behind, Steve picks up the rear, holding the door until we are all safely through to the other side. Time to heal ourselves, our families, our communities and our world. No soul left behind.

3 Remembering Mary Magdalen: In Aramaic!

I have always been open to that which is unseen, unheard, unfelt by others. Although traditionally trained as a family nurse practitioner and in spite of  post graduate courses in molecular biology, quantum physics, neuro-immune-endocrinology, functional genetics and integrative medicine, I trust my intuition to guide me. It is my innate ability to perceive the root cause of dis-ease that patients seek.

Bridging the gap between the physical and the spiritual, the energy and the matter, I made profound insights into health and well being. My colleagues and patients enthusiastically encouraged me to write a healing book. In the summer of 2003, I struggled to compose a self-help manual, but nothing. So I prayed to be shown a way…and it came in a dream.

I believe in dreams. I dreamt of my children before conceiving them. I dreamt of the house we live in now. Even my nutritional formula, Genesis Gold®, came to me via dreams. The first one in Aramaic! Was I being prepared to receive a forgotten story?

 Sept 22nd, 2003 Just before dusk on the vernal equinox I was literally shown– experienced in body– how fear interferes with the connection. What went from a 24/7 experience in the emotion of gratitude, love, joy, delight, desire was absolutely cutoff by sheer panic while riding my high strung mare. Although hesitant I trusted Yeshua’s guidance but when Shane became spooked at something in the field, I perceived what felt like a divine set up.  Yeshua kept coming in and out, advising me to massage acupuncture points on her ears, to walk slowly, to breathe consciously, but terrified, Shane bolted. Unable to control her, I literally screamed for Yeshua, but it was as if we were cut off, barely making contact, like a radio station going in and out. Shane’s half ton of equine terror greatly magnified my fear. Even after I dismounted, she nearly trampled me. Shaking with anger, feeling abandoned, betrayed, the fear of separation from all I know was at the heart of my despair.Finally I began singing to calm us both—a lullaby I sang to the kids—“Do you know where you’re going? Do you know where you’ve been…” and through the song I answered the proverbial questions (why am I here, what is my purpose?)  I was shown that in my childhood I had constant connection. I remember speaking to G-D, but as I got older, I felt unsupported by the world and vanquished my emerging womanhood through anorexia. Somehow I believed that once I came into my feminine power, my mission would begin. How many years did I take the masculine stance in a world where only fierce competitors survived, imparting my intelligence, my strength, my courage, my leadership, but sacrificing the fullness of the sacred feminine. My fear cut off the divine connection then and now.Slowly settling, neck arched, head tucked into me as if I could protect her, Shane no longer trembled and snorted. Just before Yeshua finally slipped fully back into my consciousness I realized that the low vibration of fear had prevented me from connecting to his higher vibration. Only fear veils us from the Divine.