This life is not a spiritual journey. This is a human journey. My spirit chose this form to know itself as divine. But in answer to my friend’s question, it seems I began calling it a spiritual journey in 1997 when I opened my private health care practice. Full Circle Family Health. The physical manifestation of a dream.

I have dreamt every significant thing in my life. My beloved husband. My enlightened children. All my creations. Then perceiving the music, the vibration, the energy, I dance my dreams into reality. And as a holistic family nurse practitioner, I dance healing with my patients.

After nine years of gathering health care experience as an employee, I prayed to be shown a way to fulfill my soul purpose. I had a dream…to start my own holistic health care practice. I dreamt of my patients walking down a garden path into a healing home, where I had the space to practice truly integrated medicine and enough time to spend with my precious family, animals, and garden—dancing my dream.

Soon after Full Circle Family Health became a reality, the universe sent me the most challenging patients. Out of necessity and a great desire to know more, I became an expert in neuro-immune-endocrinology, a specialty which focuses on the bio-chemical communication network of the human body. It’s always about proper communication, isn’t it?

Well, I opened myself to receive whatever the universe might offer. The sickest most Hormonally Challenged patients came from all over California for my care. As my expertise grew, patients came from across the United States and then from Europe and South America. Word of mouth referrals kept me very busy.

Then I began getting referrals from energy healers. One in particular referred her clients for hormonal support. I was happy to comply. And very curious. This energy healer sent her clients to me with such precise descriptions of what was energetically going on in their bodies that I was able to scientifically assess and diagnose their dis-eases. Her clients got better—physically and energetically—and soon she became my patient.

Annette was very open to everything I could teach her about her body. She was going through menopause and needed hormonal support. I wanted to learn about her work. So we bartered.

My first session with Annette found me sitting across from her in a lotus position, eyes closed, hands resting in the “ok” position on my knees. She began to laugh. “You don’t remember who you are.”

“What do you mean? Am I not doing it right?”

“This is not your way. Go run with that black dog of yours.” How did she know about Ida? “And when she stops, follow her lead and sit down with her. See what comes.”

So I did. I was an avid runner and enjoyed racing across the trails with my dog. I rarely stopped to smell the roses let alone sit down. But I followed Annette’s advice. When Ida jumped up onto a huge boulder and sat down to look at me, I climbed up to sit by her, closed my eyes, took a deep breath and…a purple tear dropped into my mind’s eye, filled my head, spilled into every aspect of my being…and the answer to a problem came very clearly to me. Wow!

Soon I was meditating in my way. While I ran with my dog, rode my horse, danced in the garden…always the purple tear drop came and with it answers. I began to remember who I am.

Excerpt from My LoveDance


Cycling with the Moon

As I enter the portal of menopause, I yearn for a way to release when my blood no longer flows. My cycle prefers to mimic the moon—menstruating on the dark moon, ripening with the waxing moon, experiencing the fullness of my power on the full moon, releasing with the waning moon—over and over every month, since I began Genesis Gold.

Not before. No, I had such low body fat that I did not have enough sex steroids to menstruate. Years of bulimiarexia had taken its toll. Until 2000, when I first took Genesis Gold, a botanical formula that came to me in dreams, did my body finally realize its Sacred Feminine potential and I had my first period without the aid of bio-identical hormone replacement therapy.

It was a miracle that I even conceived my children. Both came to me in dreams and then I would gain five pounds and conceive…without menstruating…on my own. My gynecologists were flabbergasted, but my pregnancies were healthy, although delivering the babies was difficult. It wasn’t until my daughter was eleven that I tried to turn the tide of my eating disorder which began just before I entered high school. Although my mother had educated me well throughout puberty, she was disempowered by her upbringing, so my first period was not received in joy. Without a sacred chamam of women with which I might retreat and understand my budding feminine powers, I felt the burden of becoming a woman. So I stopped eating—lost twenty pounds, my breasts, and my period.

In the fall of 1999, I was determined to make peace with my femininity and began wearing a long gypsy skirt during my menses. It was my own personal red tent. My family treated me differently, because I began to treat myself with loving kindness. I rested, drank tea, took long baths, and retreated to my garden to commune with the earth.

A few cycles of wearing my period skirt and I began to have lucid dreams. In response to my prayerful meditation during my moontime, I conceived Genesis Gold. And within two months of taking it, I gained five pounds (the same five pounds I needed to make enough hormones to conceive my children) and started menstruating without exogenous hormonal support at the age of thirty-nine. My body has been following the moon cycle ever since.

So now at the portal of my next feminine transformation, my body still tries to cycle with the moon. At this time, I am taking bio-identical hormones again, a luscious blend of botanicals, I conceived with a wonderful compounding pharmacist. I am ever grateful that my body has waited this long to go through the change. With the support of Genesis Gold, I am entering menopause 4-5 years later than my younger sisters.

So this cycle like so many before, I celebrate with a great release. Under the new moon in the presence of countless stars, I set my intention to bleed out the illusion of unworthiness. It is this not-good-enough attitude that fueled my eating disorder for so long. It is time to let it go.

Just before going to bed, I watched a you tube video of conscious men apologizing to the Sacred Feminine. I wept with joy. I accepted their apology, released our past unconsciousness and opened to receive sacred partnership with the Divine Masculine. I am blessed to be in such a relationship with my beloved husband. And more so blessed to be alive at this time of transformation as the Divine Masculine awakens to honor and co-create a new reality with the Divine Feminine. Then I fell asleep and had a dream.

In my dream, I was ministering to my youngest sister. Her beautiful tan skin was peeling off and underneath was the pale blue veined skin of a man—one that has haunted my dreams since childhood. My daughter, a nursing student, was with me and started to examine her aunt’s desquaminating leg. I shook my head and told her silently, This is a condition that affects women who give up their power and choose to live in parasitic rather than symbiotic relationships with men. Treat her with love but do not take on her dis-ease.

I woke up knowing that the fabric of illusion called unworthiness was finally ripped. I had protected my Divine Daughter with Divine Mother Wisdom. I no longer must wear my not-good-enough veil. Blessed am I to be a woman at this precious time on earth.

A powerful woman healer once sang this to me…and now I can sing it to myself.

Hail, Deborah, full of grace.

Blessed is the fruit of my womb.

And blessed is the world to receive the sweetness of my labor.

And now I sing it to you…

Hail, Sister, full of grace.

Blessed is the fruit of your womb.

And blessed are we to receive the sweetness of your labor.

Thank you, dear sisters, for doing your soul work. For cycling with the moon and dancing with the Divine.

I am honored to be in your sacred presence and look forward to celebrating your feminine transitions with love and joy.

Blessed Be and So It Is.