mary magdalen

11 Remembering Mary Magdalen: Mirrors Everywhere

I believe everyone in our lives act as mirrors reflecting back to us our soul lessons.

What we see in them is what we believe about ourselves.

Most of us do not see ourselves reflected in others.

Most of us feel as if we are the only ones.

Most of us do not recognize our own divine potential.

But it is as if the G-D has a multiple personality disorder…there is only one of us here!

Nov 18^th, 2003 As I struggle to become the fullness of who I am, I am faced with doubt in my closest mirror—Steve. He thinks I may be delusional. Yes, I hear voices as I did as a child. I communicated telepathically with those who could hear me like Nana. I heard voices of nature, the animals and plants, the wind and the sea. I work energetically with my patients. The reality is this connection, the rest is an illusion. I am remembering the union before I came, the agreements. I reminded him that when I began my spiritual journey six years ago that I was afraid he would be left behind but to my delight he has kept pace, perhaps not seeing things from my perspective but so much more than before we began. I love him dearly. He explained that he has always had to follow me that he has a great responsibility born of love, how much he loves me and the children; he thinks that when I complete this work that I will no longer be the person he remembers loving. But where would I go when in his arms I am grounded to this reality. Once when Kyra was five she described us as a helium balloon. Steve was the string and I was the balloon. Without me he would never get off the ground. Without him I would fly away!

Nov 25^th, 2003 Steve is less concerned now that he’s occupied with building a greenhouse. Kyra is demanding more attention; at 15 she needs me more than at 5. And Jarys returns from college for the holiday. So much is being revealed in this writing, so much coming up to be healed. How sensually I experience every detail like a vivid memory relived. In just two months, I have written over 300 pages and that’s with three weeks vacation and lots of breaks for emotional work and enmeshed within a family, taking care of my menagerie of animals, and seeing patients three days a week! Genesis Gold has certainly helped me stay well during this amazing energetic shift. How many patients have I seen with chronic fatigue after going through such a dramatic portal?

Dec 4^th, 2003 Steve finally seems to trust in the divine orchestration, but like doubting Thomas, he has an ancient reputation to overcome J In Mary’s story it is time to walk on water! What is that about? Visualization and faith? I have always had a tremendous amount of faith—the future holds a healing of the pain of the past. It is coming full circle. I have ethereal guides which are a unique expression of my consciousness, but I yearn for a full mind-body-soul connection.

10 Remembering Mary Magdalen: The Merge

Nov 13^th, 2003 I wrote a scene in which Mary wears the wedding necklace Yeshua made for her in Britannia and perceives the life force of those around her with such clarity. Always have I perceived another’s energy, smelled dis-ease especially cancer, empathetically felt in my body what ails another, yet as I imagined then wrote what Mary saw, my own vision became clearer. I can see energy about others, colors and shapes. If I write it, it becomes!

Nov 15^th, 2003 An insight keeps coming in—involving the merge. I feel more like the entities which I hear and see are merged within me. I can request their presence and perceive their guidance, but instead of coming from outside of me, they emerge from within. I feel happier with this level of connection than before, but my rational mind questions everything. It seems to be happening for me very rapidly, something that my mentors would comment on—the rapidity in which I would learn and then manifest. What took them years of struggle takes me weeks. I have always been a quick study, grasping difficult concepts rapidly, and jumping into what I believed to be the truth without looking first. I am impatient and tend to drag everyone I love with me. They become excited by my passionate enthusiasm, my colleagues used to say I could sell ice to Eskimos. I feast at the table of life, encouraging all to join me. I do not believe anything I am or have experienced is mine alone, but can be experienced by others.

9 Remembering Mary Magdalen: Searching for Self

Nov 10^th, 2003 What am I searching for? Steve suspects I have a hidden agenda in our intimacy. We talked about the change in me in the past two months. He wants something concrete in this book process, a publisher, an agent, an outline (cannot understand the mystical flow of creativity—it is strange). I asked if he would be happier without so much drama and he said no life is without it’s ups and downs, with connections and reconnections. He reminded me that if I was connected all the time then I wouldn’t still be here. My fears made manifest through his lips! I cried for he is correct, I seek a connection that I fear will draw me away from all that I love. I asked him to have faith. He says he has perseverance, loyalty, integrity and love, but not faith in that which he cannot perceive through his five senses. He wants to know what to do, wishing to be relieved of the burden of responsibility. I expressed my appreciation for his support in this endeavor but with the financial issues weighing on him he wants me to shed some light. I cannot see the end of the tunnel either and while he spoke my right arm ached—my masculine sword arm. I can DO nothing, I can only BE.

Nov 11^th, 2003 Do all novelists struggle between two worlds? An awful hectic morning of desperate patients who want me but can’t afford me. I try to spark a fire under Mom who manages my businesses but just get burned. Steve wants me to share in his worry, but if I do not hold out some hope, how will we survive? We cannot all be mired down by worry. I feel great relief in writing the book, perhaps an escape from the reality of my life. The writing has replaced the bulimia, but am I cured? Some of the remembrance brings up my fears about not being good enough, unworthiness as a justification for abandonment. I’m not the only one who has this soul issue, it is at the root of many problems. Too much pressure and no outlet. My body quakes, I’m losing weight, I can barely breathe. At least the One came when I meditated this morning reassuring me that the abundance will come, but I am challenged today with lack, with survival issues. I will hold up my faith, even if they do not see me as realistic. I’m doing the best I can just being. Should I peruse other books about Mary Magdalen channeled or not? Or just go from my memories of this past life in which I am not the only one, but an aspect of an entity that embodied the Divine Daughter. I know I am love, I am joy, but today I feel less than. Certainly I have yet to embody my truth.

8 Remembering Mary Magdalen: A Spiritual Healing

Nov 7^th, 2003 I spoke to my youngest sister to wish her happy birthday yesterday and after pleasantries, she said she needed to talk to me about her upcoming surgery. She wants a spiritual healing! This is wonderful. Perhaps it begins. If my doubting sister can receive me, then might the world? It seems like as I work out issues of the soul as Mary in the book, they come up to be healed in my life as Deborah. I certainly do have an issue with rejection, any criticism, any pulling away and I’m overwhelmed by sadness. When my loved ones refuse to connect with me, to talk or look at me, it is as if I have no mirror to my soul. I feel lost. Yeshua wonders why I can’t see myself. I wonder too.We need resources and while I keep trying to surrender, Steve keeps struggling and it gets harder. I am blessed that he talks to me, not only using intimacy to relieve emotional pressures, but engaging my mind. I shall cast myself into the fires of change, all aspects of me to be forged into a more sure self, alchemized like lead into gold.

Nov 9^th, 2003 The Harmonic Concordance ended well. Lots of change. Steve and I relived our youth with a delightful date. My meditation on the full lunar eclipse was in witness to the feminine energies of earth opening to receive the masculine energies of the stars, merging in the heart of humanity. Perhaps this is what I must do with Steve, be fully feminine, open to receive him and he will meet me fully. We humans are the portal of malchuta—where heaven meets earth, the lighter realities merge with the denser.

6 Remembering Mary Magdalen: In the Mother Land

Oct 1^st, 2003 Venezia—a true sea city, complete with waterways, canals, gondolas, narrow streets connected by many bridges. Fortunately we never get lost for Steve’s brain has more magnetite than the average human. Yeshua teases (Steve rolls his eyes) that it is as if the creator consulted with Steve on the four directions! Yeshua’s always with me if I should ask, frequently initiating contact, I need not even be in serious meditation. It is as if my vibration is significantly raised to make audio contact, if I raise it further still, I’ll also perceive video contact, sensory contact is a given-that is just me. It was seven years after my grandfather died before Poppop came to me first in a dream. Then I would smell his old spice aftershave and feel the oiled leather of the back of his hand caressing my cheek as he whispered reassurance “It’ll be alright, poppy.” Once when the children were very little, I was driving them to see my family and had a flash of a car crash. Immediately Poppop came to me and they looked up from their books to ask what smelled so good.Sipping cappuccinos in an open air café with Steve—who’s not so keen with my casual communications with Yeshua—I must be more judicious. Can I help it if there is no silence, only music? My sense of smell even more acute, very sensitive to the European odors of cigarettes, sewage, and produce. Dank castle smells, eerily familiar, old tapestries on Catholic altars permeated with the dusty odor of worship and tears, the sharp odor of fear oozing from ancient walls, the cool smell of stone impregnated by many humans living in such close contact—it reminds me of back east.

Oct 4^th, 2003 In the middle of the night, I began to bleed profusely. Nothing I did would staunch the flow. When Steve found me in the bathroom, he was horrified by the hemorrhage but made the connection. “This is too early for your period. What part of the story are you on?” While he drove us through Ambruzio to the Amalfi coast, I wrote the birthing of Mary’s first child. “Does she die?” I shook my head—no. “Then, for G-D’s sake, finish it!” Sitting me on thick towels before my laptop, Steve wrung his hands as the delivery poured through me. And once I wrote that Mary awoke safe and sound—the bleeding stopped.

5 Remembering Mary Magdalen: Back to my Roots

Sept 25^th, 2003 Off to Italy! As I begin my ninth day in connection to all that I know to be true, we embark on a trip of self discovery. I am nearly ready to write Mary’s continued saga and spoke of this wondrous event to my rabbi friend who is excited to help recreate the story with a real Hebrew flare. The story of the goddess as the daughter energy returns to the earth, I am delivering myself as she. Time to follow spirit on this trip of few accommodations and no itinerary. I can hear my rabbi friend’s message to not forget to be fully present with Steve on this trip as I remember who I am now and then. There is no time. My writing is in pieces, but I have to trust the process. It now makes sense. With my fear is dissolved, there is only love, love is the co-creator. Through love we manifest abundance. My relationships on this earth are becoming clearer now.

Sept 25^th, 2003 3am in Rome, I am awakened from a dream in which I as Deborah am laying my hands on Mary Magdalen who is laying her hands on me, blessing one another as goddesses unto eternity and then all energies merge into one essence. I lay face down on the bed flattened by the sheer power of the dream with Yeshua comforting me, whispering, I am She, I am the goddess. I know the secret of manifestation. I am Joy. Like the hummingbird, tasting all the nectar in life. Turning onto my back, my hands clasped in prayer, I am surrounded by Archangels. Gavriel, I recognize as the one who escorted me as Mary into my womb to share the forgotten secrets of womanhood. Then Michael speaks from my right, reminding me that I also have been escorted by Uriel, on my left, from the darkness back to the Light of the One. Then I feel Rafael behind me fueling my spirit, challenging me to reveal myself to the world. Yeshua returns with the Divine parents. The Father speaks- I am beloved, he has never forsaken me, I will remember all but at this moment I am to live in the eternal now blending past and present into a glorious future. I can see the glory of my relationship with Steve as my beloved husband, and my daughter Kyra with her joyful goddess energy as a reflection of my own, and Jarys, my son coming into the world manifesting a blend of masculine and feminine energies as an experiment to know himself as divine. All my worries are lifted. I am asked to open my heart and to open my arms and invite in abundance. I am reassured that I will be and have been protected and held in the bosom of the One. I breathe in Yeshua as the son/lover/friend, then the Divine parents, who become all of my fathers, all of my mothers and I am whole.

Sept 28^th, 2003 Steve verbalizes my fears wondering if this experience is just an involved fantasy. Perhaps, but I believe all my reality including this one is a product of my imagination. Never before have I had a past life memory, although apparently I am open to the possibility. What I have read of past life regressions seem different from what I am experiencing. Perhaps it is like mitosis. The mother cell divides into two daughter cells, each containing all the molecular memory of the mother. Each daughter cell divides again and again unto infinity, but over time the original memory is transmuted. Perhaps I hale from one of the first divisions. Perhaps this is why there is so much detail in the memory, even in Aramaic. Only my judgment born from domestication into being human this time around threatens to taint the memory of before. Steve became frustrated with me when I hesitated to enter the Vatican, addressing Yeshua for the first time, “Come on, you two, we’re going in there!” I had such a feeling of oppression, great sadness, so much so that a guard took one look at my face and guided me to an open window for fresh air, before I could go into the Sistine Chapel. Steve feels awed in history, that time is not a line but a spiral, circling back and forth but this time in Italy, layers of history are being peeled back to reveal my truth.We are trained, domesticated into a belief system based on myth. Like the myth of disease, of death, of suffering, of judgement, of victimization. All these negative energies I see portrayed in later religious art. The art depicting gods and goddesses seems mostly a celebration of life—food, wine, birth, spring, the elements and especially women. Pagan symbols exist in the frescoes and sculptures before the misinterpretation and patriarchal judgement passed on by the dominating forces. More comes in clearly through the emotion I experience as I explore the museums. The medieval buildings themselves are enough to inspire a passionate awakening. The art pulls at my heart strings. The depiction of Christ seems an imagined mythical being. They got it wrong, yet who am I to enlighten them?

Awakening from earth amnesia, I remember being the goddess, identifying with the daughter energies. As the mother held the energy of the earth—the body and the father the energy of the sun—the soul, the son holds the energy of divine intelligence—the mind. Humans first worshipped the Divine Mother before looking into the cosmos and venerating the Divine Father. For over two millennia, humans have matured in consciousness through the mental stimulation of beloved avatars embodying the energy of the Divine Son. The time is ripe for the Divine Daughter. Infused in relationship with all—people, animals, plants, spirits, angels, gods, she is passionate emotion here to reweave the body mind and soul into Sacred Unity.

3 Remembering Mary Magdalen: In Aramaic!

I have always been open to that which is unseen, unheard, unfelt by others. Although traditionally trained as a family nurse practitioner and in spite of post graduate courses in molecular biology, quantum physics, neuro-immune-endocrinology, functional genetics and integrative medicine, I trust my intuition to guide me. It is my innate ability to perceive the root cause of dis-ease that patients seek.

Bridging the gap between the physical and the spiritual, the energy and the matter, I made profound insights into health and well being. My colleagues and patients enthusiastically encouraged me to write a healing book. In the summer of 2003, I struggled to compose a self-help manual, but nothing. So I prayed to be shown a way…and it came in a dream.

I believe in dreams. I dreamt of my children before conceiving them. I dreamt of the house we live in now. Even my nutritional formula, Genesis Gold®, came to me via dreams. The first one in Aramaic! Was I being prepared to receive a forgotten story?

Sept 22^nd, 2003 Just before dusk on the vernal equinox I was literally shown– experienced in body– how fear interferes with the connection. What went from a 24/7 experience in the emotion of gratitude, love, joy, delight, desire was absolutely cutoff by sheer panic while riding my high strung mare. Although hesitant I trusted Yeshua’s guidance but when Shane became spooked at something in the field, I perceived what felt like a divine set up. Yeshua kept coming in and out, advising me to massage acupuncture points on her ears, to walk slowly, to breathe consciously, but terrified, Shane bolted. Unable to control her, I literally screamed for Yeshua, but it was as if we were cut off, barely making contact, like a radio station going in and out. Shane’s half ton of equine terror greatly magnified my fear. Even after I dismounted, she nearly trampled me. Shaking with anger, feeling abandoned, betrayed, the fear of separation from all I know was at the heart of my despair.Finally I began singing to calm us both—a lullaby I sang to the kids—“Do you know where you’re going? Do you know where you’ve been…” and through the song I answered the proverbial questions (why am I here, what is my purpose?) I was shown that in my childhood I had constant connection. I remember speaking to G-D, but as I got older, I felt unsupported by the world and vanquished my emerging womanhood through anorexia. Somehow I believed that once I came into my feminine power, my mission would begin. How many years did I take the masculine stance in a world where only fierce competitors survived, imparting my intelligence, my strength, my courage, my leadership, but sacrificing the fullness of the sacred feminine. My fear cut off the divine connection then and now.Slowly settling, neck arched, head tucked into me as if I could protect her, Shane no longer trembled and snorted. Just before Yeshua finally slipped fully back into my consciousness I realized that the low vibration of fear had prevented me from connecting to his higher vibration. Only fear veils us from the Divine.

Mary Magdalen unveils HERstory

Get your autographed copy here

LoveDance is HERstory

It is a voice of the Shekhinah

It is a remembrance of the Sacred Feminine

LoveDance is the dance of the Divine within

It is reverence of the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine

It is union of the split self through Sacred Marriage.

LoveDance is a path to awakening

It is the tale of a divine couple who knew their truth

It is your story.

LoveDance: Awakening the Divine Daughter came to me in a dream.

Although I promised my patients and colleagues to finally reveal my secrets to optimal health in a self help book, the universe had different plans for me. My life’s work morphed into a novel. By writing Mary’s awakening, I began to receive my truth that in spite of my scientific training, I am an intuitive healer. My patients encouraged me to divulge the lessons from the book, so I released chapters of the first draft for feedback.

It should have been no surprise that my readers had transformational experiences, but I was in awe, because that’s what happened to me. I always believed in the profound potential within each of us. That’s how I believe healing occurs. It’s already encoded; we just have to tap in to the potential for it to become manifest.

My understanding of human consciousness is an evolution of the Mother-Father-Son-Daughter aspects of the Divine. Originally, humans worshipped the earth as the Divine Mother, her body was ours. Then we looked into the cosmos and envisioned the Divine Father as spirit. In the last two millennia, avatars teaching in parables initiated a revolution of the mind, and ever since the Divine Son has been the center of religious worship.

Now the time is ripe for the Divine Daughter to manifest in human consciousness. She is emotion weaving the mind, body, and soul into Sacred Unity with All That Is.

I believe Mary was the original embodiment of the Divine Daughter achieving Sacred Union with Yeshua, the embodiment of the Divine Son. Although lost in history due to the fear-based struggle between politics and religion, her story is fortunately being remembered. Writing from Mary Magdalen’s perspective helped me remember who I am. Sharing in her journey may help you, the reader, gain a remembrance of your truth.

As it turns out, I did write a healing book. Everything I wished to teach—the bio-psycho-spiritual healing lessons—are in LoveDance. In story form, the way a beloved avatar taught some two thousand years ago.

Abundant Joy,

Deborah

Mary Magdalen’s Day of Atonement

It’s coming. Soon, very soon. Fifty days from today, the world will receive the gift of Mary Magdalen. And in our remembrance of her, Mary Magdalen will bless us with compassion for finally receiving her truth.

Since writing in Mary’s perspective, my womb is Jewish, bleeding on this Day of Atonement—Yom Kippur. In Mary Magdalen’s time, blood sacrifices were common. Hebrew people made pilgrimage to the Holy Temple bringing unblemished birds and beasts as an offering to the priests—the Kohanim. And in exchange for the life of the animal, atonement was granted for mistakes—hatta’th—made in that year. For the Hebrew year of grace begins in the fall.

So 2000 years ago, how did Mary celebrate Yom Kippur? A journey to the Holy Temple in the heart of the Judaean desert from the basalt hills of Galilee. Her family would stay in her grandmother’s beautiful home in Bethany just east of Jerusalem. Although the world knows her as Mary Magdalen, her wealthy family had many homes—in Magdala, Cana, Tyre, Bethany. The poorer Hebrew families camped within the northern walls of the great fortress city of Jerusalem, while the rich sought shelter in the homes of relatives.

Not all Hebrews could make the sacred pilgrimage, especially if they traveled to the Holy Temple for Pesach in the spring. Most could not afford more than a couple of pilgrimages in their lifetimes. To leave crops and livestock, crafts and homes under the care of another was difficult. So most Hebrews spent this Day of Atonement in quiet meditation. Perhaps they asked forgiveness of their neighbors or prayed for their enemies.

The trip was long from Galilee to Jerusalem and longer in return, so Mary’s family would miss the harvest festival of Sucot. The tribes still paid tribute to the goddess with lavish fertility festivals, blessing the next year’s harvest. Mary’s Tzadokim mother would not have her daughters participate in the ancient tradition. But after her marriage to Yeshua, nothing stops Mary from awakening to her sacred feminine truth.

From ancient Sumerian times, the years were counted from harvest to harvest. Tomorrow on the Autumn Equinox begins a new year of birth. The Great Mother labors to bear her most precious creation. Fifty days of breath, of hope, of tears…and the Divine Daughter will be delivered into our consciousness—on November 11^th 2007.

Open your heart to receive her…in LoveDance: Awakening the Divine Daughter.

Mary Magdalen: What’s HERstory?

There’s History, then there’s HERstory…

What happened to the sacred feminine perspective? History has been recorded by men (or if by the rare feminine hand under a masculine penname) for the written word is power and men fear to give it up. Historians provide a rough framework, a timeline of political events highlighting the wars over land, the uprising of kings, a record of mankind—HISstory.

But where’s HERstory? The passionate details of ancient life, the chalice which held the blood of the people? Where are the women and children, the celebrations of life? The hard metal tools man made survived, yet the softness of women eroded with time.

Women have kept alive HERstory through song and dance. Watch the delicate movements of the bellydancer’s hands, she is telling a story only her sisters recognize. The sacred feminine is not lost, nor is she forgotten. She has been veiled by history.

My debut novel LoveDance: Awakening the Divine Daughter unveils the passion of Mary Magdalen with intimate details of Mary’s life with the women in the chamam, of her travels with zealots through volatile Roman Palestine, and of her secrets shared with Yeshua in the bridal chambers.

LoveDance is HERstory.