Nov 7th, 2003 I spoke to my youngest sister to wish her happy birthday yesterday and after pleasantries, she said she needed to talk to me about her upcoming surgery. She wants a spiritual healing! This is wonderful. Perhaps it begins. If my doubting sister can receive me, then might the world? It seems like as I work out issues of the soul as Mary in the book, they come up to be healed in my life as Deborah. I certainly do have an issue with rejection, any criticism, any pulling away and I’m overwhelmed by sadness. When my loved ones refuse to connect with me, to talk or look at me, it is as if I have no mirror to my soul. I feel lost. Yeshua wonders why I can’t see myself. I wonder too.We need resources and while I keep trying to surrender, Steve keeps struggling and it gets harder. I am blessed that he talks to me, not only using intimacy to relieve emotional pressures, but engaging my mind. I shall cast myself into the fires of change, all aspects of me to be forged into a more sure self, alchemized like lead into gold.
Nov 9th, 2003 The Harmonic Concordance ended well. Lots of change. Steve and I relived our youth with a delightful date. My meditation on the full lunar eclipse was in witness to the feminine energies of earth opening to receive the masculine energies of the stars, merging in the heart of humanity. Perhaps this is what I must do with Steve, be fully feminine, open to receive him and he will meet me fully. We humans are the portal of malchuta—where heaven meets earth, the lighter realities merge with the denser.