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10 Remembering Mary Magdalen: The Merge

Nov 13^th, 2003 I wrote a scene in which Mary wears the wedding necklace Yeshua made for her in Britannia and perceives the life force of those around her with such clarity. Always have I perceived another’s energy, smelled dis-ease especially cancer, empathetically felt in my body what ails another, yet as I imagined then wrote what Mary saw, my own vision became clearer. I can see energy about others, colors and shapes. If I write it, it becomes!

Nov 15^th, 2003 An insight keeps coming in—involving the merge. I feel more like the entities which I hear and see are merged within me. I can request their presence and perceive their guidance, but instead of coming from outside of me, they emerge from within. I feel happier with this level of connection than before, but my rational mind questions everything. It seems to be happening for me very rapidly, something that my mentors would comment on—the rapidity in which I would learn and then manifest. What took them years of struggle takes me weeks. I have always been a quick study, grasping difficult concepts rapidly, and jumping into what I believed to be the truth without looking first. I am impatient and tend to drag everyone I love with me. They become excited by my passionate enthusiasm, my colleagues used to say I could sell ice to Eskimos. I feast at the table of life, encouraging all to join me. I do not believe anything I am or have experienced is mine alone, but can be experienced by others.

9 Remembering Mary Magdalen: Searching for Self

Nov 10^th, 2003 What am I searching for? Steve suspects I have a hidden agenda in our intimacy. We talked about the change in me in the past two months. He wants something concrete in this book process, a publisher, an agent, an outline (cannot understand the mystical flow of creativity—it is strange). I asked if he would be happier without so much drama and he said no life is without it’s ups and downs, with connections and reconnections. He reminded me that if I was connected all the time then I wouldn’t still be here. My fears made manifest through his lips! I cried for he is correct, I seek a connection that I fear will draw me away from all that I love. I asked him to have faith. He says he has perseverance, loyalty, integrity and love, but not faith in that which he cannot perceive through his five senses. He wants to know what to do, wishing to be relieved of the burden of responsibility. I expressed my appreciation for his support in this endeavor but with the financial issues weighing on him he wants me to shed some light. I cannot see the end of the tunnel either and while he spoke my right arm ached—my masculine sword arm. I can DO nothing, I can only BE.

Nov 11^th, 2003 Do all novelists struggle between two worlds? An awful hectic morning of desperate patients who want me but can’t afford me. I try to spark a fire under Mom who manages my businesses but just get burned. Steve wants me to share in his worry, but if I do not hold out some hope, how will we survive? We cannot all be mired down by worry. I feel great relief in writing the book, perhaps an escape from the reality of my life. The writing has replaced the bulimia, but am I cured? Some of the remembrance brings up my fears about not being good enough, unworthiness as a justification for abandonment. I’m not the only one who has this soul issue, it is at the root of many problems. Too much pressure and no outlet. My body quakes, I’m losing weight, I can barely breathe. At least the One came when I meditated this morning reassuring me that the abundance will come, but I am challenged today with lack, with survival issues. I will hold up my faith, even if they do not see me as realistic. I’m doing the best I can just being. Should I peruse other books about Mary Magdalen channeled or not? Or just go from my memories of this past life in which I am not the only one, but an aspect of an entity that embodied the Divine Daughter. I know I am love, I am joy, but today I feel less than. Certainly I have yet to embody my truth.

8 Remembering Mary Magdalen: A Spiritual Healing

Nov 7^th, 2003 I spoke to my youngest sister to wish her happy birthday yesterday and after pleasantries, she said she needed to talk to me about her upcoming surgery. She wants a spiritual healing! This is wonderful. Perhaps it begins. If my doubting sister can receive me, then might the world? It seems like as I work out issues of the soul as Mary in the book, they come up to be healed in my life as Deborah. I certainly do have an issue with rejection, any criticism, any pulling away and I’m overwhelmed by sadness. When my loved ones refuse to connect with me, to talk or look at me, it is as if I have no mirror to my soul. I feel lost. Yeshua wonders why I can’t see myself. I wonder too.We need resources and while I keep trying to surrender, Steve keeps struggling and it gets harder. I am blessed that he talks to me, not only using intimacy to relieve emotional pressures, but engaging my mind. I shall cast myself into the fires of change, all aspects of me to be forged into a more sure self, alchemized like lead into gold.

Nov 9^th, 2003 The Harmonic Concordance ended well. Lots of change. Steve and I relived our youth with a delightful date. My meditation on the full lunar eclipse was in witness to the feminine energies of earth opening to receive the masculine energies of the stars, merging in the heart of humanity. Perhaps this is what I must do with Steve, be fully feminine, open to receive him and he will meet me fully. We humans are the portal of malchuta—where heaven meets earth, the lighter realities merge with the denser.

7 Remembering Mary Magdalen: Synchronicities Abound

We returned from celebrating our anniversary in Italy more in love than when we married twenty years before. My healing practice slowed down but thankfully Genesis Gold® sales made up the difference financially or we might not have survived my obsessive writing.

November 1^st, 2003 The insights are tremendous, releasing fears, misperceptions, experiencing the merge. Yeshua my constant companion, calling in the angels as I desire, the One coming in at peak times. I am truly blessed. I see the birth of the goddess in my patients, in Kyra, in Steve. The chapters keep coming clearly. I am well. Still I get thrust into the future book of political upheaval, but much yet needs to be recorded about our early lives, many lessons. Strange but our cat who has never been affectionate has taken to sitting on my lap while I type the story. Perhaps at 17 she needs to soak in the creative energies.

Nov 4^th, 2003 Another harmonic opening, on the last one in 1987, I conceived Kyra, my delight. Always I have found joy in creating this life, certainly there has been pain, but suffering is a choice. No longer do I choose to suffer. I choose to embrace the light of love. It is my relationship with Uriel (G-D’s light) that has propelled me through many lifetimes of sadness to pick the flowers of joy. As I awaken so does my family. When this book emerges unto the world, the souls who choose to partake of it will remember their highest destiny, overcoming the archetypal consciousness that binds the density of the world. This is a healing for all and yes, for you, my love Yeshua. You released your fears to reunite with the One, but left behind the sacrificial energy of martyrdom. The world has immortalized you but is veiled from your truth by fear. Perhaps through this book, the truth will be set free and you shall be free as well. You shall not leave me alone, for only in my ignorance, in my fear, have I perceived the illusion of separation. Bless your patience for waiting for me to come to this realization. I had a vision once of my guides and angels watching me with bated breath as I stumbled through my existence, but became tickled pink when I finally made progress. Just as in this life, the birth of my son was so traumatic—a result of our tumultuous existence that I had to examine our belief in sacrifice and suffering: Steve ready to martyr himself to save our son, both of us floundering to find love before emerging with an amazing opportunity for growth. Then conceiving our delightful daughter fully invested in our relationship and with her birth moving into a profound happiness, a new home, a new life. We have been together through eternity, both Jarys and Kyra fully cognizant of our connection, of a time before, of their profound purposes reminding me that when I was a child I too remembered the connection and through them reawakened to that which I forgot. Following two steps behind, Steve picks up the rear, holding the door until we are all safely through to the other side. Time to heal ourselves, our families, our communities and our world. No soul left behind.

6 Remembering Mary Magdalen: In the Mother Land

Oct 1^st, 2003 Venezia—a true sea city, complete with waterways, canals, gondolas, narrow streets connected by many bridges. Fortunately we never get lost for Steve’s brain has more magnetite than the average human. Yeshua teases (Steve rolls his eyes) that it is as if the creator consulted with Steve on the four directions! Yeshua’s always with me if I should ask, frequently initiating contact, I need not even be in serious meditation. It is as if my vibration is significantly raised to make audio contact, if I raise it further still, I’ll also perceive video contact, sensory contact is a given-that is just me. It was seven years after my grandfather died before Poppop came to me first in a dream. Then I would smell his old spice aftershave and feel the oiled leather of the back of his hand caressing my cheek as he whispered reassurance “It’ll be alright, poppy.” Once when the children were very little, I was driving them to see my family and had a flash of a car crash. Immediately Poppop came to me and they looked up from their books to ask what smelled so good.Sipping cappuccinos in an open air café with Steve—who’s not so keen with my casual communications with Yeshua—I must be more judicious. Can I help it if there is no silence, only music? My sense of smell even more acute, very sensitive to the European odors of cigarettes, sewage, and produce. Dank castle smells, eerily familiar, old tapestries on Catholic altars permeated with the dusty odor of worship and tears, the sharp odor of fear oozing from ancient walls, the cool smell of stone impregnated by many humans living in such close contact—it reminds me of back east.

Oct 4^th, 2003 In the middle of the night, I began to bleed profusely. Nothing I did would staunch the flow. When Steve found me in the bathroom, he was horrified by the hemorrhage but made the connection. “This is too early for your period. What part of the story are you on?” While he drove us through Ambruzio to the Amalfi coast, I wrote the birthing of Mary’s first child. “Does she die?” I shook my head—no. “Then, for G-D’s sake, finish it!” Sitting me on thick towels before my laptop, Steve wrung his hands as the delivery poured through me. And once I wrote that Mary awoke safe and sound—the bleeding stopped.

5 Remembering Mary Magdalen: Back to my Roots

Sept 25^th, 2003 Off to Italy! As I begin my ninth day in connection to all that I know to be true, we embark on a trip of self discovery. I am nearly ready to write Mary’s continued saga and spoke of this wondrous event to my rabbi friend who is excited to help recreate the story with a real Hebrew flare. The story of the goddess as the daughter energy returns to the earth, I am delivering myself as she. Time to follow spirit on this trip of few accommodations and no itinerary. I can hear my rabbi friend’s message to not forget to be fully present with Steve on this trip as I remember who I am now and then. There is no time. My writing is in pieces, but I have to trust the process. It now makes sense. With my fear is dissolved, there is only love, love is the co-creator. Through love we manifest abundance. My relationships on this earth are becoming clearer now.

Sept 25^th, 2003 3am in Rome, I am awakened from a dream in which I as Deborah am laying my hands on Mary Magdalen who is laying her hands on me, blessing one another as goddesses unto eternity and then all energies merge into one essence. I lay face down on the bed flattened by the sheer power of the dream with Yeshua comforting me, whispering, I am She, I am the goddess. I know the secret of manifestation. I am Joy. Like the hummingbird, tasting all the nectar in life. Turning onto my back, my hands clasped in prayer, I am surrounded by Archangels. Gavriel, I recognize as the one who escorted me as Mary into my womb to share the forgotten secrets of womanhood. Then Michael speaks from my right, reminding me that I also have been escorted by Uriel, on my left, from the darkness back to the Light of the One. Then I feel Rafael behind me fueling my spirit, challenging me to reveal myself to the world. Yeshua returns with the Divine parents. The Father speaks- I am beloved, he has never forsaken me, I will remember all but at this moment I am to live in the eternal now blending past and present into a glorious future. I can see the glory of my relationship with Steve as my beloved husband, and my daughter Kyra with her joyful goddess energy as a reflection of my own, and Jarys, my son coming into the world manifesting a blend of masculine and feminine energies as an experiment to know himself as divine. All my worries are lifted. I am asked to open my heart and to open my arms and invite in abundance. I am reassured that I will be and have been protected and held in the bosom of the One. I breathe in Yeshua as the son/lover/friend, then the Divine parents, who become all of my fathers, all of my mothers and I am whole.

Sept 28^th, 2003 Steve verbalizes my fears wondering if this experience is just an involved fantasy. Perhaps, but I believe all my reality including this one is a product of my imagination. Never before have I had a past life memory, although apparently I am open to the possibility. What I have read of past life regressions seem different from what I am experiencing. Perhaps it is like mitosis. The mother cell divides into two daughter cells, each containing all the molecular memory of the mother. Each daughter cell divides again and again unto infinity, but over time the original memory is transmuted. Perhaps I hale from one of the first divisions. Perhaps this is why there is so much detail in the memory, even in Aramaic. Only my judgment born from domestication into being human this time around threatens to taint the memory of before. Steve became frustrated with me when I hesitated to enter the Vatican, addressing Yeshua for the first time, “Come on, you two, we’re going in there!” I had such a feeling of oppression, great sadness, so much so that a guard took one look at my face and guided me to an open window for fresh air, before I could go into the Sistine Chapel. Steve feels awed in history, that time is not a line but a spiral, circling back and forth but this time in Italy, layers of history are being peeled back to reveal my truth.We are trained, domesticated into a belief system based on myth. Like the myth of disease, of death, of suffering, of judgement, of victimization. All these negative energies I see portrayed in later religious art. The art depicting gods and goddesses seems mostly a celebration of life—food, wine, birth, spring, the elements and especially women. Pagan symbols exist in the frescoes and sculptures before the misinterpretation and patriarchal judgement passed on by the dominating forces. More comes in clearly through the emotion I experience as I explore the museums. The medieval buildings themselves are enough to inspire a passionate awakening. The art pulls at my heart strings. The depiction of Christ seems an imagined mythical being. They got it wrong, yet who am I to enlighten them?

Awakening from earth amnesia, I remember being the goddess, identifying with the daughter energies. As the mother held the energy of the earth—the body and the father the energy of the sun—the soul, the son holds the energy of divine intelligence—the mind. Humans first worshipped the Divine Mother before looking into the cosmos and venerating the Divine Father. For over two millennia, humans have matured in consciousness through the mental stimulation of beloved avatars embodying the energy of the Divine Son. The time is ripe for the Divine Daughter. Infused in relationship with all—people, animals, plants, spirits, angels, gods, she is passionate emotion here to reweave the body mind and soul into Sacred Unity.

4 Remembering Mary Magdalen: the Holy Grail

Thank goodness in twenty years of delivering health care, I have never been to court, but the day after this amazing reconnection, I was subpoenaed as an expert witness. Appearing in court brought up so much anxiety that I wished it away. And the case had been postponed for over a year, yet the time had come to face my fear. In order to become an expert witness, you must first under go voir dire—a process in which lawyers determine your competence as an expert witness—more like being crucified.

Fully connected to the vibration of love, the protective energies so powerful around me that in spite of the defense lawyer’s tortuous questioning to make me appear incompetent, the judge looked at me and said, “God help me, but I am going to qualify you.”

Afterwards, the prosecuting attorney, also an author, asked how my book was coming along. When I excitedly told him how effortlessly the words flowed from my visions onto the computer, he exclaimed, “Sounds like you found the holy grail!”

Yes, I did.

3 Remembering Mary Magdalen: In Aramaic!

I have always been open to that which is unseen, unheard, unfelt by others. Although traditionally trained as a family nurse practitioner and in spite of post graduate courses in molecular biology, quantum physics, neuro-immune-endocrinology, functional genetics and integrative medicine, I trust my intuition to guide me. It is my innate ability to perceive the root cause of dis-ease that patients seek.

Bridging the gap between the physical and the spiritual, the energy and the matter, I made profound insights into health and well being. My colleagues and patients enthusiastically encouraged me to write a healing book. In the summer of 2003, I struggled to compose a self-help manual, but nothing. So I prayed to be shown a way…and it came in a dream.

I believe in dreams. I dreamt of my children before conceiving them. I dreamt of the house we live in now. Even my nutritional formula, Genesis Gold®, came to me via dreams. The first one in Aramaic! Was I being prepared to receive a forgotten story?

Sept 22^nd, 2003 Just before dusk on the vernal equinox I was literally shown– experienced in body– how fear interferes with the connection. What went from a 24/7 experience in the emotion of gratitude, love, joy, delight, desire was absolutely cutoff by sheer panic while riding my high strung mare. Although hesitant I trusted Yeshua’s guidance but when Shane became spooked at something in the field, I perceived what felt like a divine set up. Yeshua kept coming in and out, advising me to massage acupuncture points on her ears, to walk slowly, to breathe consciously, but terrified, Shane bolted. Unable to control her, I literally screamed for Yeshua, but it was as if we were cut off, barely making contact, like a radio station going in and out. Shane’s half ton of equine terror greatly magnified my fear. Even after I dismounted, she nearly trampled me. Shaking with anger, feeling abandoned, betrayed, the fear of separation from all I know was at the heart of my despair.Finally I began singing to calm us both—a lullaby I sang to the kids—“Do you know where you’re going? Do you know where you’ve been…” and through the song I answered the proverbial questions (why am I here, what is my purpose?) I was shown that in my childhood I had constant connection. I remember speaking to G-D, but as I got older, I felt unsupported by the world and vanquished my emerging womanhood through anorexia. Somehow I believed that once I came into my feminine power, my mission would begin. How many years did I take the masculine stance in a world where only fierce competitors survived, imparting my intelligence, my strength, my courage, my leadership, but sacrificing the fullness of the sacred feminine. My fear cut off the divine connection then and now.Slowly settling, neck arched, head tucked into me as if I could protect her, Shane no longer trembled and snorted. Just before Yeshua finally slipped fully back into my consciousness I realized that the low vibration of fear had prevented me from connecting to his higher vibration. Only fear veils us from the Divine.

1 Remembering Mary Magdalen

I am a healer. I am a woman. I am the voice of one forgotten.

The time is ripe for the Divine Daughter to be received.

I remember Mary. Do you?

“…hurrying down the dusty streets of Nazareth. Anxious to meet my friend. My fine linen tunic flapping against my legs, the smell of roasting goat. Passing the women at the well, I hid behind my shawl. They would tell my mother. Martha’s face haunting me…I shall return the favor of diverting our mother at the Festival of Trees. Finally arriving in the house of Joseph, humble compared to our grand homes in Magdala, Cana, Bethany… My skin tingled as he looked up, liquid eyes absorbing me. Receiving my gift of a rose quartz, Yeshua’s touch thrilled me. I am…Mary.”

Dream recorded in my journal on September 16^th, 2003.

Here lie entries from my journal describing the experience of bringing LoveDance into this dimension. I share with you, dear reader, my delight and my despair, my hopes and my fears. I hope you enjoy the journey as much as I did.

Mary Magdalen unveils HERstory

Get your autographed copy here

LoveDance is HERstory

It is a voice of the Shekhinah

It is a remembrance of the Sacred Feminine

LoveDance is the dance of the Divine within

It is reverence of the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine

It is union of the split self through Sacred Marriage.

LoveDance is a path to awakening

It is the tale of a divine couple who knew their truth

It is your story.

LoveDance: Awakening the Divine Daughter came to me in a dream.

Although I promised my patients and colleagues to finally reveal my secrets to optimal health in a self help book, the universe had different plans for me. My life’s work morphed into a novel. By writing Mary’s awakening, I began to receive my truth that in spite of my scientific training, I am an intuitive healer. My patients encouraged me to divulge the lessons from the book, so I released chapters of the first draft for feedback.

It should have been no surprise that my readers had transformational experiences, but I was in awe, because that’s what happened to me. I always believed in the profound potential within each of us. That’s how I believe healing occurs. It’s already encoded; we just have to tap in to the potential for it to become manifest.

My understanding of human consciousness is an evolution of the Mother-Father-Son-Daughter aspects of the Divine. Originally, humans worshipped the earth as the Divine Mother, her body was ours. Then we looked into the cosmos and envisioned the Divine Father as spirit. In the last two millennia, avatars teaching in parables initiated a revolution of the mind, and ever since the Divine Son has been the center of religious worship.

Now the time is ripe for the Divine Daughter to manifest in human consciousness. She is emotion weaving the mind, body, and soul into Sacred Unity with All That Is.

I believe Mary was the original embodiment of the Divine Daughter achieving Sacred Union with Yeshua, the embodiment of the Divine Son. Although lost in history due to the fear-based struggle between politics and religion, her story is fortunately being remembered. Writing from Mary Magdalen’s perspective helped me remember who I am. Sharing in her journey may help you, the reader, gain a remembrance of your truth.

As it turns out, I did write a healing book. Everything I wished to teach—the bio-psycho-spiritual healing lessons—are in LoveDance. In story form, the way a beloved avatar taught some two thousand years ago.

Abundant Joy,

Deborah