Author: Deborah Maragopoulos MN FNP

I am a woman, a mother, a sister, a wife. I am a friend, a teacher, a dancer, a healer. I am on a great journey to find my Self. Join me. In 1984, I gave birth to a very special baby. Stumping medical experts, my son faced adversity with the wisdom of an old soul becoming my impetus to bridge the gap between the physical and the spiritual. During the harmonic convergence in 1987, I conceived a daughter. Consciously parenting two enlightened children prepared the way for an influx of Indigo children and their parents forcing me to expand my conventional medical training into a holistic healing model. I am a board certified family nurse practitioner specializing in neuro-immune-endocrinology. I have a busy holistic practice—Full Circle Family Health—and created a nutritional formula to support my patients on their healing journeys—Genesis Gold®. Although I promised my patients and colleagues to finally reveal my secrets to optimal health in a self help book, the universe had different plans for me. My life’s work morphed into a novel. Writing a story was like conceiving a child—passionate emotion—publishing was like a very long gestation—growing, changing, waiting—now in the presale period, I feel like I’m in transition—the baby’s stuck in the birth canal and my ob-gyn is out playing golf! So I blog this enlightening journey as I wait for LoveDance: Awakening the Divine Daughter to be born. {She’s due this fall…I hope I can remember the Lamaze breathing} As it turns out, I did write a healing book. Everything I wished to teach—the bio-psycho-spiritual healing lessons—are in LoveDance—in story form, the way a beloved avatar taught some two thousand years ago. Abundant Joy, Deborah

My Secret Way to Help Set Your Intentions for 2012

2011 has been a time of turmoil for many. A rollercoaster of events creating great change. Some desired. Some unexpected, but needed. Some dreaded, but well, here it is. The whole world is transforming. People around the world are asking for change, gathering, protesting, demonstrating. The time is ripe for transformation. Why?

Because we cannot evolve without change. We have been like caterpillars consuming everything in our need to grow. And then it seems everything stood still…there was little growth…as if we were in a cocoon of our own making…some have called it a recession and financially perhaps it is, but I call it a transformation. For under the stillness, great change is occurring. The caterpillar is transforming into a butterfly.

2012 is the year the first of the butterflies will emerge.

You will see it as hope. Sweet happenings across the globe, in your neighborhood, perhaps in your own backyard…giving you hope…Like the feeling of wonder we get when we watch a butterfly emerge from a cocoon…then try its fragile wings in first flight. Hope.

So many of us have been cleaning house…our physical abodes and our subconscious as well. Getting rid of all that doesn’t serve us…it’s hard, but we must make room for the new. And you can’t receive if your arms and heart are full of old stuff.

I have been encouraging my patients this past year to literally clean out their closets. When they have felt stuck, reliving old issues over and over again, seemingly making no progress, I encourage them to see this stuckness as a sign. It’s time to clean their dwelling place. Start with the physical. Yes, their homes.

We all have stuff in our closets. Old stuff that once served us but no longer fits, no longer is useful. Stuff we don’t need anymore. Stuff that is taking up space. So if you haven’t used it for at least two years, you probably won’t. Give it away. Sell it if you must. But get it out of your closets, out of your cupboards out of your home. Lighten up and make room for the new.

Cleaning out our homes at the physical level will help us clean out ourselves. And this time I’m not talking about a liver cleanse. I’m talking about cleaning out our psycho-spiritual closets.

Those old beliefs in our consciousness. You know the ones.

I’m not good enough.
I don’t deserve more, better, anything.
I’m alone.
Good things do not come my way, do not happen for me.
I’m worthless.
No one loves me.
How can they? I don’t even love myself.

We all have these imprinted beliefs. Perhaps we have lived a life highlighting these beliefs. Perhaps we were imprinted with these negative beliefs in childhood. Perhaps we came into this life with these feelings.

Either way. These NOT GOOD ENOUGH beliefs lie deep in our consciousness and are often at the root of our real problems…Our health problems. Our financial problems. Our relationship problems. Our problems being happy and feeling love.

So let’s clear our closets. Let’s let go of that which no longer serves us.

I challenge each and every one of you to write down on a piece of paper everything in your closet that does not serve you. Everything… What are you ready to release?

Your fear? Write it down.
Your not good enough? Write it down.
Your feelings of worthlessness? Write it down.
Your poverty? Write it down.
Your loveless life? Write it down.
Your unhealthiness? Write it down.

Now. Hold that piece of paper in your hand. Close your eyes. And express your gratitude for these negative beliefs. Yes, thank them! You cannot release them in anger…they will come back to stick to you like a burr. Release them with gratitude and they will release you.

Now. Once you are finished expressing your thankfulness for all the old beliefs you have written down that no longer serve you, it is time to burn that paper. You can bury it as well. But I prefer to release the smoke of what I no longer need into the universe. It will be transformed into something else…something better.

Then get another piece of paper and write down everything you wish for the coming year. Not resolutions. But intentions.

I desire love.
I desire joy.
I desire to be debt free—financially and karmically.
I desire to be my best self.

Whatever you desire. Write it down. And then fold up the paper and write one word that comes to you on the outside of the folded paper. One word that represents all that you desire.

Freedom
Ease
Peace
Joy
Love

And let that one word be your mantra for the next year. Place the paper on your altar, under or near a candle, by a sacred object, wherever you feel is most appropriate for this little piece of paper that holds your hope.

Refer to it during the year. I like to do this ceremony at the winter solstice and refer to my hope at the equinoxes and summer solstice. A reaffirming for me. And the mantra becomes a barometer for all I do that year.

On the winter solstice of 2001, my husband and I came up with a mantra of EASE for the coming year. Everything we did was using the barometer of our 2002 mantra. If we were struggling with a decision, then we were not in ease…so we chose ease and things just started to flow. That’s how we found our current home. With ease it flowed into our lives. In a way that we could not previously imagine.

EASE. What a great mantra. I suggest it to many of my patients who struggle so in their lives. Let go, and be at Ease.

Last year, I chose FREEDOM as my mantra. And it started off with a need to be debt free, and ended with a clearing of my deepest soul issues that have freed me up to live in joyous relationships with all those that I felt bound by before. FREEDOM.

The mantra is a seed of energy we plant in our consciousness. Writing down our intentions and referring to them throughout the year is watering and fertilizing that seed so it might grow. Some seeds take a long time to sprout. Some grow into trees that take a long time to fruit. The seed of EASE sprouted into a lovely flower garden at first, but truly it is a deep rooted plant…for EASE continues some nine years later bearing us precious fruit.

May your mantra seed your life with great joy, with love, with beauty and with blossoms that attract butterflies of hope.

Love and Light,

Deborah Maragopoulos MN FNP
Intuitive Integrative Health
http://genesisgold.com/

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911 The Commencement

In researching my latest book, I found this poem I wrote exactly ten years ago on 9-12-01.

The Commencement

After all the tragedy, how will we react
Will we sit in fear, anticipating
Or will we allow the opening of our hearts
Letting this event move us beyond

Dear ones, just on the other side of the veil
Watching us, wondering if their sacrifice be in vain
Will we face the challenge with love
Or will we lash out in fear

We have reached the fork in the road
Which path will humanity choose
As the leader of the free world
They are looking to us to choose wisely

No longer the time of Solomon,
Although biblical tales true for then
Yet an eye for an eye, a warrior’s cry
Be not the best choice for our souls’ sake

We are our own enemy
Not good against evil
But a gracious opportunity
To find a way to heal

Dark and light are both of the One
Let go of judgment, let go of fear
Live in love and enjoy this life
Live in fear and repeat the cycle

React as the male warrior
And we take a step back
React with feminine compassion
And we move into the next dimension

It’s time to change, it’s time to love
Release the United States and be a United World
Una faza, una raza, one face, one race
For we are each a facet of the One

Even those who appear to be dark players
On the stage of life, we cannot all be heroes
Some of us offered to play the villains
So the rest could learn about love

Thank the players, wish them well,
Our karmic cycles to end
If we release fear, once and for all
Never again will we have to play dark parts

911 was an emergency call
A call to arms, not weapons
But a linking of arms, a holding of hands
Uniting us in a circle of love

Joined together as one being,
No one richer, no one poorer
Children living with conscious adults
Free from fear, surrounded by love

It’s time to make our choice
Choose to evolve the collective human soul
To be in a higher dimension of awareness
Embrace the commencement of the age of compassion

911 was the beginning of the end for many of us. The moment the towers were hit, I felt it. Although I didn’t know until my mother called a few minutes later what had happened. I couldn’t tell her what I felt. Nor anyone for a very long time. But I felt…great relief.

Like finally the birth waters had burst. The pressure was on. Time to push. It felt like the birth of the New Earth was finally eminent and that was such a great relief. Everyone was frantic of course. We hooked up our cable just to be a part of the tragedy. For days we watched with the rest of the world. Finally my daughter said enough. “Let’s turn it off, Mommy. We aren’t helping them by watching. Maybe we should send white light?” I heartily agreed.

Something happened to us on September 11th 2001. How have you been transformed?

In Love and Light,
Deborah

 

The Father and I are One

Since the beginning of the year, the 11th of each month has felt…well, different. After the Japanese earthquake, I was sure I wasn’t the only one feeling the 11th. So I googled it and found the 11th of each month described as vibrational portals leading to 11-11-11. On 4-11-11, I felt compelled to hold ceremony so I called up Grandmother Kathy and took her to the beach. In sacred ceremony we gifted the ocean with the intention of healing the earth. I felt this intense energy coming from the sun…no actually through the sun and recognized the galactic center blessing us. On the wet low tide sands, I danced the sacred union of Father Sun and Mother Earth…what an amazing experience!

Lately, I keep seeing multiples of 11 every time I look at the clock (11, 22, 33, 44). I looked up the significance of these master numbers and calculated my numerology number by birth date and it is 22…but still this doesn’t settle my soul…something more is up.

On Monday, in spite of having accomplished everything I need before our vacation commenced, I awoke with a vague melancholy. Then I realized the date…7-11-11…and felt compelled to hold ceremony again…but what? Trusting all would be well I opened my journal in hopes of inspiration and…. it came to me…

…These portals are DNA activations! In alignment with the chakra’s…the first three were not as noticeable to me (I can only guess that these layers are well activated by Genesis Gold), the fourth felt like a celebration of the heart chakra…Love… the fifth and sixth were subtle, yet this seventh was in alignment with work I’ve been doing regarding the Pineal gland. And I have always known the crown chakra to be a connection to the heavens, the multi-dimensional universe. Perhaps why we bow our head in prayer, exposing our crowns to the mouth of God.

At the same time, healing the split with the Divine Masculine has come up in my women’s circle. I began this work exactly a year ago, composing and publishing two articles regarding the Divine Masculine before I was hit with Death…there my focus lie for months through the Karmic Imprint retreat and well after as I released all that no longer served my soul.

I have taken steps to heal my relationship with my own father and while it’s going well, still the Divine Masculine is up again…wanting to be healed in my soul, in the collective feminine, in the world…

I spent my early days as the divine child…androgynous in my being…then embodied the divine son energy using my mind to make my mark in the world, emerging ever so cautiously as the divine daughter…first as lover, then wife, then mother, then peace, oh blessed peace with my sacred femininity as I consumed the bounty of the Earth Mother in Genesis Gold. Then I wrote my experience in LoveDance…the Divine Daughter well rooted in me…that was 8 years ago…over the past year and a half, struggling to compose book two of the LoveDance series, I have been excavating the father wound…naming it, writing it, praying about it, then acting upon it. Knowing that this year, 2011—the year I celebrate my 50th birthday—the time is finally ripe to become whole.

During a guided meditation in my women’s circle, I saw an image of my higher self. And felt compelled to create Her into form. I took my joy to my Q&A journal where I converse with my higher self and she assured me that my hands would “remember” how to form clay. And they did…

Ascencion

This sculpture that I created under the midwifery of Grandmother Kathy—I call Her, Ascencion—is my Higher Self formed from clay. Not only feminine, but in sacred union with the masculine. That is who I am now. She is who I’ve become in my 50 years on earth. Finally balanced.

When it was time to bring Her home after months of work, I was feeling trepidation. Excitement, yet trepidation too. Then I was cast back to 1984, driving to UCLA to pick up Jarys from the NICU…my life forever changed then…and now it would be changed again.

Since bringing Ascencion home, my life has changed. My relationship has deepened even more with my beloved husband. My relationship with my mother has become more refined. I have truly released my son and he is blossoming. My daughter grows in leaps and bounds and no longer am I entangled with her. My relationship with my sisters is blooming…no drama at the last family gathering. And being with my father was joyous….Thank God!

After witnessing the heartfelt struggle with patriarchy from the women in my circle, I took my heavy heart to my beloved husband who shone some divine masculine light of wisdom upon me. Then I sat in counsel with my higher self, consulted with wise women and wondered when this Father Wound would be finally healed. For Blossoming Spirit—the theme of our upcoming retreat—to emerge at the fall equinox, balance must be reached.

Before we met for our first planning meeting, crow left me a feather…I was bringer of the Triple Goddess Tarot Cards from which our women’s circle would choose. I had tied the triple goddess colors of white, red, and black around the crow feather and the eldest “crone” of our circle used the feather to divine the card. Blossoming Spirit was chosen—card number 5, the hierophant—with a strong rejuvenation theme. Just what I dreamt for our next retreat.

For three weeks, I asked crow for another feather having given up the beautiful one to the circle. And only after I abandoned the search and went on a carefree run with Charlie in the meadow to find a black and white feather…balance…only then did crow grace me with a pure black feather under the orange tree—where I pick sunshine to consume every morning before greeting my animals and old man crow!

So on 7-11-11 at 11:11 dressed in violets, I lay under my oak tree to meditate.

And for the first time since I was a child, I felt the presence of Father God. He spoke to me. Explaining that it took this long for me to bond well with the Divine Mother, to discover my truth and transform from human doing to human being…to live as the embodiment of the Divine Daughter and encompass Divine Mother energy into my life with deep honoring of the Divine Grandmother.

He showed me how easily I partnered with the Divine Masculine in Steve and received it in other men. How bravely I tried to heal my relationship with my father …yet still I searched for guidance from the Divine Father.

In answer to my heart prayers of healing the father wound, He came.

And showed me, me as light! A juicy brilliant orange-red began the light show and I felt filled from root to belly…hormonally rejuvenated. Then lime green darkening to peridot as the light rose from solar plexus to heart. The greens deepened to a glorious teal, fluid and dancing with lovely lilac in the center…my heart filled. Then my throat alighted in clear blue, brilliant as the sky and here where I hold trepidation, finally healed by the blue light of truth. Then my head filled with violet, not purple of my youth, but a deep violet that circled around to red and became fuchsia. My new auric color! He showed me that I’ve come full circle and begin again at 50.

The communication was long and deep. For I saw my own DNA dancing. Not the double helix formation but a spiraling spherical star of DNA, many layers deep, no, not layers, He said, not stacked but intertwined, and I looked deeper and saw brilliant strands dancing figure eights of infinity, meeting in the center of the star sphere, some switching partners, some dancing in triplets…Seven lit up brilliantly…four more dancing in the shadows, and the last yet to be enlightened.

All the while Father God spoke to me. He explained how he watched over me all this time through the eyes of crow. My deep connection to this magical black bird that so many fear…it was serving My Father. The one I turned away from so long ago.

No judgment, no sorrow during this glorious reunion with My Father. Only light and love. Exactly what I ask for every time I feel fear. That my fear be lifted and I be filled with light and love. And now I know it has been Him…answering my prayers.

Oh, I am still very much one with My Mother. She flows through me….and I felt Her great Joy as I received Him. She held me in her arms as She presented me, Her Divine Daughter, to My Father. I am so blessed.

I arose at 11:55, 44 minutes in divine communication. I am profoundly affected…the light was so healing…I know now what Yeshua meant by My Father and I are One.

LESSONS FROM MY DOG CHARLIE

We got Charlie from a border collie rescue—the funniest looking border collie pup you’ve ever seen. The black and white markings unmistakeningly border collie, but the long, long legs and pointy nose, the dancing energy tempered with an un-border collie mellowness…well, he’s not purebred.

We believe he’s a lurcher—part border collie, part sight hound. He looks a lot like the border-greyhound crosses I googled and while he creeps and herds like a border collie, he runs and lounges like a greyhound.

A strange cross, but we love him. 

I was walking him this morning through the arbolada and thinking about all the lessons I’ve learned from my animals. My first dog, an Irish Setter, was a reflection of my teenaged emotions. The Danes I’ve had in the past were protective… I entrusted my children, my home, myself to their Nana-energy…reflecting my fear of coming out in the world. The shepherds and border collies were so focused on the task at hand—the ball, the chickens, the agility course—that play was secondary…reflecting my intense drive to accomplish. Most were so attached to me that they let very few others in. 

Charlie is different. He engages with everyone. 

I have never had a dog that got along with everyone and everything. Not a territorial bone in his body, Charlie is friends with all creatures. Never submits to aggressive dogs nor does he fight. If they’re cranky, he just goes on his way. He plays with everyone willing to romp, getting low for the little dogs, holding his own with the big ones. He respects the cats and the wildlife and most of all us. He heels so well, I can ride through town on my spirited mare and he only attends to us. 

He loves hikes, runs, and most of all water. The best beach dog ever. Not a great fetcher, no, he just adores the ocean, the waves, the sand, the seabirds, the fishermen, the other dogs, the surfers, the children digging immense sand caves…never a nuisance, always respectful, yet no one can resist his sweet face and wagging tail.

Watching Charlie check his messages along our walk this morning, I realized just how much he has taught me… 

* Keep in contact with your friends. Check your messages and answer every one, if only by tweeting.

* Smile at everyone. Hug those who need it. Gently press against those not quite ready for a full body hug.

* If others are grumpy, let them be. There’s always more friends to be found.

 

 * If you’re hot, get wet.

 

*If you’re cold, cuddle up.

* Don’t enter unless invited. But once invited, thank your host profusely.

* Respect cats and other creatures different from you.

 *Just hang out and relax, even if you have to wait a long time for your loved ones to return.

 

* Enjoy the ride, the run, the day, the sun.

* Laugh in the rain. Romp in the mud. Take your bath lightly.

* Be patient with caregivers, they’re only trying to help.

* If you can, figure out things on your own.  If not, ask for help.

 *Be ready to go at a moment’s notice.

 *Love your family

 *Love your friends

 *Love everyone you meet

* Listen carefully to your higher self. She has your best interest at heart.

* Remember Life is Joy.

Charlie seems to be a reflection of where I am now. I love my family, my friends, most everyone I meet. I try to attend carefully to my higher self. And I know without a doubt that life is joy.

 

Judgment Day or a Shift in Consciousness?

So judgment day came and went. Or did it? 

The fundamentalists are right. Great change is occurring on the earth. Apocalyptic. Yes. Greater transformation than any before. It shall be the end of the earth…As we know it. 

Honestly, I wasn’t even aware that judgment day was upon us until Friday afternoon. I suddenly had a strange sense that something of upmost importance would occur on Sunday. So I googled it. And all I got was what was supposed to happen the day before—May 21st at 6pm. I asked my husband about it. My husband thinks it’s hilarious that I do not know what’s going on in the world. True, I don’t keep up with the news. I find the media to be fear based in its perception of the happenings on earth. I choose love instead. 

Saturday at 6pm, well, not much happened here for me. I’d finished all my chores—washed my horse, my dog and myself after a three hour trail ride—and was getting ready to meet my husband for a picnic dinner at the beach. And the sunset was lovely, no different from the day before. 

On Sunday morning, my menses started. Was my premonition hormonal? It was a gray overcast morning. Perfect for spring cleaning. A Sunday morning all to myself. My husband just started day shift. After five months of graveyard shift, I could finally make the bed. I’ve come to cherish my time alone. Although I usually spend the first day of my cycle resting and taking care of myself (my personal red tent time), I felt compelled to do some spring cleaning. My home is my temple and I love to keep my temple clean. And I finished just in time to talk to my daughter.  

My daughter goes to nursing school at a very conservative college. When asked to bring into her psych-nursing class something that represented their culture, nearly every other student brought a bible. So Sunday she wondered what Christians believed was supposed to happen on the day before. She wanted to ask her fundamentalist friends, wondered what their ministers said in church that morning. I wondered if all were accounted for. She laughed, then got serious. “They must feel sad that they were left behind.” 

I explained that no one was left behind. That everyone here is needed to help the earth shift. 

We had just finished a profound conversation about relationships between men and women. How blessed I am that my 23 year old daughter comes to me for advice. So much so to bring a girlfriend in on the call, “Because, Momma, she really respects your wisdom.” And as I offered counsel to her friend, my daughter heard her piece. Afterwards calling me back to confirm what she might do as her own soul work to shift her perspective and better her relationship. These are two spiritually mature young women, realizing that change begins with them. 

That’s when the discussion drifted to what was supposed to happen on May 21st at 6pm. My daughter said, perhaps the fundamentalists are right. This felt like a judgment day to her, in which we judged ourselves and chose to grow, to move forward on our soul path, not expecting others to follow, but to just do our own soul work, to just be our truth. 

I believe my daughter is right. Perhaps the rapture is this great shift in our collective consciousness. And our consciousness shifted once more this past weekend.

Cycling with the Moon

As I enter the portal of menopause, I yearn for a way to release when my blood no longer flows. My cycle prefers to mimic the moon—menstruating on the dark moon, ripening with the waxing moon, experiencing the fullness of my power on the full moon, releasing with the waning moon—over and over every month, since I began Genesis Gold.

Not before. No, I had such low body fat that I did not have enough sex steroids to menstruate. Years of bulimiarexia had taken its toll. Until 2000, when I first took Genesis Gold, a botanical formula that came to me in dreams, did my body finally realize its Sacred Feminine potential and I had my first period without the aid of bio-identical hormone replacement therapy.

It was a miracle that I even conceived my children. Both came to me in dreams and then I would gain five pounds and conceive…without menstruating…on my own. My gynecologists were flabbergasted, but my pregnancies were healthy, although delivering the babies was difficult. It wasn’t until my daughter was eleven that I tried to turn the tide of my eating disorder which began just before I entered high school. Although my mother had educated me well throughout puberty, she was disempowered by her upbringing, so my first period was not received in joy. Without a sacred chamam of women with which I might retreat and understand my budding feminine powers, I felt the burden of becoming a woman. So I stopped eating—lost twenty pounds, my breasts, and my period.

In the fall of 1999, I was determined to make peace with my femininity and began wearing a long gypsy skirt during my menses. It was my own personal red tent. My family treated me differently, because I began to treat myself with loving kindness. I rested, drank tea, took long baths, and retreated to my garden to commune with the earth.

A few cycles of wearing my period skirt and I began to have lucid dreams. In response to my prayerful meditation during my moontime, I conceived Genesis Gold. And within two months of taking it, I gained five pounds (the same five pounds I needed to make enough hormones to conceive my children) and started menstruating without exogenous hormonal support at the age of thirty-nine. My body has been following the moon cycle ever since.

So now at the portal of my next feminine transformation, my body still tries to cycle with the moon. At this time, I am taking bio-identical hormones again, a luscious blend of botanicals, I conceived with a wonderful compounding pharmacist. I am ever grateful that my body has waited this long to go through the change. With the support of Genesis Gold, I am entering menopause 4-5 years later than my younger sisters.

So this cycle like so many before, I celebrate with a great release. Under the new moon in the presence of countless stars, I set my intention to bleed out the illusion of unworthiness. It is this not-good-enough attitude that fueled my eating disorder for so long. It is time to let it go.

Just before going to bed, I watched a you tube video of conscious men apologizing to the Sacred Feminine. I wept with joy. I accepted their apology, released our past unconsciousness and opened to receive sacred partnership with the Divine Masculine. I am blessed to be in such a relationship with my beloved husband. And more so blessed to be alive at this time of transformation as the Divine Masculine awakens to honor and co-create a new reality with the Divine Feminine. Then I fell asleep and had a dream.

In my dream, I was ministering to my youngest sister. Her beautiful tan skin was peeling off and underneath was the pale blue veined skin of a man—one that has haunted my dreams since childhood. My daughter, a nursing student, was with me and started to examine her aunt’s desquaminating leg. I shook my head and told her silently, This is a condition that affects women who give up their power and choose to live in parasitic rather than symbiotic relationships with men. Treat her with love but do not take on her dis-ease.

I woke up knowing that the fabric of illusion called unworthiness was finally ripped. I had protected my Divine Daughter with Divine Mother Wisdom. I no longer must wear my not-good-enough veil. Blessed am I to be a woman at this precious time on earth.

A powerful woman healer once sang this to me…and now I can sing it to myself.

Hail, Deborah, full of grace.

Blessed is the fruit of my womb.

And blessed is the world to receive the sweetness of my labor.

And now I sing it to you…

Hail, Sister, full of grace.

Blessed is the fruit of your womb.

And blessed are we to receive the sweetness of your labor.

Thank you, dear sisters, for doing your soul work. For cycling with the moon and dancing with the Divine.

I am honored to be in your sacred presence and look forward to celebrating your feminine transitions with love and joy.

Blessed Be and So It Is.

 

I am 50! A Long Awaited Joyous Transformation

Sorry for the long wait. My blog has gone untended as I prepared for a joyous transformation.

March 20, 2011—the full moon spring equinox and my 50th birthday.

My beloved husband threw a marvelous party…a New Orleans crawfish boil…and I invited all I love past and present…yet was conflicted to who would come…I knew only those brave souls who would be part of this great transformation would celebrate with me…and we experienced a great storm…high winds, freezing rain, floods…one-third of the guests did not make it…but 2/3—a perfect PI—arrived wet yet happy to be with me. And we celebrated with food, wine and laughter. Dressed in a goddess gown with butterfly headdress in honor of this great transformation, I was queen for the day in violet, gold and white. The storm raged all day and night. My neighbor commented only the storm of the century for Deborah’s 50th birthday. A salt of the earth friend captured the day in photos while a couple of sister-friends from my past came to celebrate with a neighborhood triad and a tetrad of sisters from my women’s circle. The women in my life…my mother, my mother-in-law, and my medical assistant…all wise women who support and love me unconditionally.  Most of these women brought their men…only those men in deep reverence for the sacred feminine came. And my grandmothers held space in the ethers. Best of all my children were here…to help my beloved husband…throw the party of the year!

I AM DEBORAH!!!

What a relief to know my truth.

It all began awhile ago, when I began receiving gifts of honey. First after the new year, from an old friend—a magic sister from my past sharing the fruits of her shop—then from a patient, who just “knew” she needed to buy a jar of macadamia nut honey…I ate it all, both honeys, wondering what’s next. Each spoonful of sweetness evoked a deep remembrance. I am Deborah!

Finally 50 and now I know.

Deborah is the Mycenaean Queen Bee Goddess, worshipped in ancient Crete. The bee represented the soul and rebirth for the Mycenaeans, as well as being a symbol of feminine power. Bee society is organized around a central Queen, with the female worker bees as builders of the hive. The power of the Goddess Deborah was carried forward into the character of Deborah in the biblical Book of Judges. She is referred to as the “mother of Israel”, and inspired her people to a victory over their captors, the Canaanites. The Song of Deborah is one of the oldest parts of the bible (dating from the 8th century B.C.), and is said to be her victory song.

Awake, awake, Deborah:
awake, awake, utter a song.

Judges 5:12.

I felt the shift coming, on the edge of the mystery, within the portal of transformation. I always knew that after 50, I would not exist. Death or transmutation into something unknown. March 9th began the ninth wave in Mayan belief—where everything speeds up in preparation for the shift.

I KNOW the shift is necessary to create what I DESIRE.

In the meantime, I am slow. Waiting, dreaming, doing very little….except remembering, ceremony, creating.

I write a little…dances and songs of old come through me. Then in women’s circle, I had a vision of birthing from the womb/heart of the Earth Mother. I emerged golden with amethyst wings in sweet repose on a powerful blood horse. I had to sculpt my vision…and I did. Over the next seven weeks midwifed by a grandmother, my vision emerged from my hands. And now she sits waiting to be colored, to be fired, to be seen.

A great need to celebrate my 50th year here on earth. Once with my blood sisters…in a three day weekend filled with family drama—oh sisters, I long to know your soul, yet when we gather, we play roles of old—pain and pleasure as sisters fight and kiss, judge and love in their “you are blood, you are ours” way—then a great release of all that does not serve me…At my women’s circle, I became the new “maiden” in the triad of sisters who shall serve the circle, there I planted a seed of intention—TO RECEIVE THE ABUNDANCE OF LOVE AND JOY FROM SACRED SISTERHOOD—Let it Be, Let it Be!

Just as California awaits the arrival of a wave of radiation, we turn dark Helga into fiery Margarita.

My Joyous Transformation

My Joyous Transformation – created by a patient while she went through the change – this metal sculpture of a woman transforming into a butterfly has been my inspiration as I enter the Change.

So many fear the effects of the earth changes, calling for advice on what to do to prepare for radiation exposure. I have no fear…I created Genesis Gold for just this purpose. To assist us physically, emotionally and spiritually through the shift of ages. There is enough seaweed in Genesis Gold to protect—no worries! And better yet the lucidity during this great transformation is profound. I am honored to witness the soul growth of so many who partake Genesis Gold.

And to conclude the formal birthday celebration…

A weekend filled with romance…Steve took me to Avila Beach and when we arrived I felt a pull from deep within a canyon near the pier…”What is that”, I asked. “Diablo Canyon.” Steve replied, “Where the nuclear power plant that sits on a fault line lives.” No fear. No sense of disruption. I wondered when I might “communicate” with the radioactive elements…

After a wet but lovely day of wine tasting…Had an amazing dream while in the arms of my honey…I was being drawn to the surface of the earth from her core…as an element…I was from deep in the earth and parts of me were surfacing all along her crust, brought to the surface artificially, not naturally. I was uncomfortably full of holding energies that were not mine…So very full…feeling that I might explode…no anger, no fear just this bloated feeling…I could hold no more…Then I could feel the light of the sun…our sun and the SUN…light energy from far away penetrated my being AND the bloating began to evaporate…a warm glow enlivened me…I felt lighter and lighter, sinking deeper and deeper into the earth, until She held me in her arms…I awoke knowing that I had experienced plutonium’s journey…

When we returned from our weekend of bliss…I found my seed of intention had sprouted! Sunlight, water and the rich soil of Mother Earth is all it needs to thrive.

All is Well. Those of us who are open to receive the light will help love the world into the next part of this amazing journey on planet earth!

Blessings of Love and Light,

Deborah Maragopoulos MN FNP

Sacred Feminine Healer

www.genesisgold.com

Lessons from 2010

The long nights of winter are a time of contraction—as we go within to find our own light. With the rebirth of the sun on the solstice, we appreciate our many blessings—as the outer light reflects our transformation. 

As I reflect on this season full of blessings, I cannot help but be touched by the transformative events of our lives this past year. 2010 was a year of great change. The first half spent living life in the moment—our new year’s mantra—as we cherished every precious drop of time spent with my husband’s beloved grandmother. Gran passed in July yet her light shines through every flower picked for a bouquet, every hummingbird sipping sweet nectar, every sip of coffee that we so enjoyed sharing with her.  

Gran’s passing heralded three more—a dear patient, our Great Dane and our old horse. Yet death begets birth…opportunity flows into our lives…we are filled with wonder… 

My daughter Kyra was the first to be blessed by Gran… only one month later…accepted into nursing school! A natural born healer, she is thriving spiritually and academically making the Dean’s list. The world is blessed to have her healing hands and intuitive heart.  

The first to feel Gran’s passing, my son Jarys has become filled with her light…truly seeing the light in each of us.  A newly credentialed teacher, he works with underprivileged children in San Francisco and every family gathering, he blesses us with his wisdom. 

My husband Steve is the most sweetly affected. Gran has inspired him to enjoy the present while sipping the past like sweet wine and allowing the future to manifest in ripe time. He prepares for retirement by collecting lessons learned while serving the public as a police officer. I am so very grateful he arrives home safely and ever wiser after every shift. 

My own growth has been profound.  Taking care of Gran at the end of her life and helping midwife her through the veil of death has helped me become a more complete healer—embracing spirit as I heal body, mind and heart.  More challenging patients come yet it is not clear who is more transformed—them or me. 

This holiday season as we celebrate with family and friends, I pray to honor Gran by embracing the light in each and every one of them.  

After so much time spent in the cocoon of our making, we shall finally emerge in 2011—like gracious butterflies—enjoying each flower of opportunity. 

MAY YOU DANCE THROUGH THE NEW YEAR WITH A JOYOUS HEART, A PEACEFUL MIND, AND A LOVING SOUL.  

Many Blessings of Love and Light,

Deborah

 

 

 

 

MY SOUL PURSE

 It began at the Grandmother’s Council on 10-10-10. Grandmother Kathy reminded us of the seeds of intention that we planted in the spring. Some could not remember their intentions, some remembered but did not tend them. I was acutely aware of mine. My birthday is on the spring equinox and every year I plant seeds of intention with the hopes of a great harvest come fall. This year my intention was to be open to receive abundance.

Oh, I have much. My life is very rich. A beautiful home, fertile land, healthy, happy children, an amazing relationship with my beloved husband, a fulfilling medical practice, yet I feel that there is more…that I am to go out into the world and share my wisdom…and to do that…I need resources…money and people to help…and although my business pays the bills, still there is debt incurred to develop Genesis Gold…and my book—LoveDance—waiting for release.

Since spring, I have been acutely aware of the abundance in my life, living in gratitude as the universe has seen fit to challenge me…with death, and loss, and sacrifice. As if I had to empty my Soul Purse over and over to make room for the abundance to come.

That night… I have sequence of five dreams…

All the time I’m dreaming, I’m lucid. I fall in and out of sleep after a tremendous hot flash at 12:30—three hours after I fell asleep—and spend time rolling around considering what I should do about my hormonal challenge…then set my intention to know what it’s all about at the soul level and fall asleep…

…The first dream opens with a gathering of women in a great big house. I’m trying to settle in and my roommate shows up. One of my young patients and she’s distraught, hands me her pants. She needs another pair just like them. I tell her pants are expensive in..Italy…wow, that’s where we are!… and she hands me $50. I look at the pants…olive green sueded polyester nothing wrong with them except a blood stain at the crotch. She is mortified that she started her period…this is the patient I saw last week who missed her period…I explain she can wash them out but she will never wear them again—stained with women’s blood…I am saddened by her shame, I want to make it better for her…and then I see that she is me as a girl not at peace with my femininity and all women afraid they are unclean as the world has treated them. And I feel a deep sense of gratitude for finally embracing my feminine power…

…and the dream shifts. I’m with the same gathering, but so crowded, too many women… A fake sense of feminine power emanates from them—over inflated, dangerous—a roomful of women wearing pants under skirts. I need to get away. But it’s so crowded.  Finally, I remember I can fly! I start to push off away from the crowded staircase I’m on…and another woman, one from my women’s circle…says “Hold her!” I am chased by two women, cannot gain altitude through the crowded place, they grasp my trailing legs, but cannot catch me. I feel light but too low…the energy is one of a dog teasing its owners into a game of chase– I head for the light, but they close the opening before I can fly there…I’m trapped in a great big tent! …Lucid, I try to wake up…and realize until I get the message of the dream sequence, I’m not going anywhere…I fly up through ropes, tight ropes. Below me, all the women I’ve gotten involved with in this life and beyond—from girls scouts, to sorority sisters, to the nurse practitioners I led, and the women’s circle, the grandmothers, and interspersed are the women gurus who wove in and out of my life these past 13 years…all who wanted me to join them, to lead them… …my lucid self so happy to be flying again (I haven’t flown in my dreams since the women’s retreat just before the Autumn Equinox where we worked on our karmic imprints)…How funny that my subconscious traps me in a circus tent with the crazy women. I laugh…

….and slip into another dream. A great gathering of all my dead patients. Everyone’s there…Eddie in the background—smoking!—Lucy, Michael, many who I’ve forgotten their names, but recognize their faces—whole and healthy—and their energy. All doing whatever they please…peace emanates from them. The last patient I buried is there too.  A sense of guilt carried from my waking world trickles into my dreamtime. Karen is the spokeswoman and she’s explaining where Anita is on her spirit path so soon after her death. “There is no need for regret. You danced your best dance with each of us. We are where we need to be at this time in human consciousness.” Gran’s there too. And she is walking very strangely…like she’s in a space suit, sort of praying mantis like. I wonder if her walker would help, and Gran apologizes…it’s broke, how difficult it is to move on earth, so much easier over there. I have a catalog in my hands and pick out a handicap toilet for her…pink and orange!…which seems silly since, I know Gran isn’t staying…and feel bad that we didn’t make these accommodations for her while she was alive. I show her the toilet. “I never had such a bright toilet!” she says, “but I don’t think I’ll need one. I’m not staying, dear. This is the first time you let me in.” True, she has visited Steve many times. I inquire about the others. She says “I have very nice visits with Stevie, but the rest are harder.” I hoped she wasn’t spending too much time and effort trying to contact those who were not ready to receive her. She laughed and said, no she is very busy over there, but not to worry. Time is not an issue for her anymore and effort, well it is easier to be in the presence of love than fear… In my observer, lucid dreamer state, I want to spend more time with the dead, knowing it’s precious…it’s the first time I’ve dreamt of Gran and she feels so real…our conversations though bizarre so genuine. The only one I miss in the dreams is Hope…she’s not with the grateful dead…but I’m not sad. I know my beloved Great Dane, my Hope, is where she belongs…

…then I’m on a huge field, tossing a yellow and green stained nerf football to a black dog and a blond boy. Every pass, they switch off, I’m not a good thrower and neither of them catch well. We pass through many other people’s games/lives, communicate with them and move on. All are men and boys…fathers and sons. Playing amongst a group of black men and boys, one of which compliments my butt as I bend over the tub to find the dog tied together like a broken doll almost fetal like. I keep finding its limp body left behind with the ball underwater. At first I dismiss the comment as I did in my youth with an excuse and then I replay the scene and graciously thank the man and he swells and merges with the other black men, their sons receiving their vibration as the sacred feminine received them…back to the fetal dog and used up ball left underwater…I realize the boy has moved on… this boy-dog issue I know is mine…my inner boy child leaving me and the spirit dog connecting him to the otherworld left behind…this is part of the healing the divine masculine within me…

…then I’m back in the house—my recurring house dream. Usually in the “house” dream, I am so frustrated…my sisters keep me from getting what I need to get done, I’m always cooking or cleaning and everything is a disaster…this time I am just watching while being in the midst of them…like I’m watching a home movie while being in it … this time, instead of wandering the never-ending rooms, and halls, I stay in the kitchen-family room where all the family is gathered. It’s our rental, yet I have no sense of ownership… The family has rented it before and had a disaster with the microwave. I am surprised I am not making a fuss that they are trying to microwave a whole chicken…Steve even looks to me for a response, but it is like I am just observing, it’s all very funny and we’re playing our silly parts again and again with the same outcome, I even tease about some goofy fake fur pants I plan to get Carl, but no, it’s John now since Kelli changed all the names around and Karen (the fashionable sister) looks at me horrified… Later I am to meet Steve for a trip, he’s coming back to the house to pick me up, but Karen needs my car to go to work…and she’s dressed in these too big jeans, strange polka dot hose and heels, a vest she made up out of our dead PopPop’s pajama top and a nice leather jacket on top of it all. I send her out with my blessing, but need to get my purse out of the car because it has everything I need to go away with Steve. I’m surprised at the floppy little purse that seems so empty (my soul purse)…I never carry purses in my dream…always have what I need somewhere on me… And then I am my daughter Kyra meeting her beloved Tom to go to Hawaii. ..and I realize all is superfluous because I must get ready for a wedding…

Then I wake up!

The energy of the dreams was curiosity…taking a trip down the rabbit hole of my subconscious…and at times I try to get out but I know it’s all a dream and stay to learn more. There’s no fear, just tempered amusement…bemusement. I know I am growing while in the dark dream state…I intended this before falling asleep …I know these dreams represent what I have cleared from my soul purse…my fears of being a woman, my tendencies to get captured by others and taken advantage of, the shame of failing in my healing practice, letting go of the boy to allow room for the divine masculine, being with my family all the interior mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, daughters, sons and not being smothered by my relationships with them but seeing the humor in life and being gracious with my humanity…then going on the next stage of my soul journey, preparing for the divine masculine to experience the sacred marriage of divine feminine and divine masculine within me in the heart of the earth…starting all over again like newlyweds… The last sequence with the empty purse (I never dream of purses!) with Hope not part of the dead but so deeply embedded in my soul, not something to be cleared out of my soul “purse”… something to keep always.

This crazy dream sequence was in fact…the past six months of soul work from the time on the spring equinox when I planted the seed of intention to be open to receive abundance…through all the work of clearing out all that doesn’t serve me, and making room for a great harvest, a filling up of soul…a completeness of self…whole, finally to be whole.

What a blessing to be reminded of this journey by the grandmother’s council! I shared this dream with Grandmother Kathy and she says she sees a red-purple purse…violet is my life color…with a golden clasp opening to receive, closing to enjoy, then emptying to be open again and again to receive all the gold the divine has in store for me.

May your Soul Purse be empty of that which does not serve you and filled with golden abundance!

Love and Light,

Deborah

WE’VE LOST HOPE

Literally. Hope died. A golden Great Dane with the heart of a lion. Placing her muzzle on your chest, she would stare into your eyes. I see you. Like in the movie Avatar, she really “saw” who you are. Strange, I know…but Hope was an old soul. And she knew other old souls. Our most sensitive guests could feel her knowing. “This dog’s amazing!” Yes, she was. 

Steve had Great Danes growing up. Our first, Grace, was a big black beauty. The perfect Nana for our kids. Very protective, she watched over them until 2002 when she died at the age of 11. Old for a Great Dane, but we needed her. She was in great shape, a little arthritis in her hips, not able to go on super long walks at the end, but no real illness. She died of a heart attack while I was away with Kyra at a gymnastics meet. Steve tried to resuscitate her, to no avail. 

Six weeks later, I got a call. A woman I worked with years before in the kids’ elementary school asked if I still had our Great Dane. I shared the sad news. And she asked, “Would you like a pup?” It was too soon. We were still grieving. Besides we had our two Border Collies to keep us busy. The younger was in mourning …Ida would only sleep on Grace’s bed, eat out of Grace’s bowl. We weren’t ready. But something told me to go. 

In a litter of four female pups, the largest fawn toddled over and sat between us. Steve picked her up and she submitted, but when her sisters came over to investigate, she got in their way. These are my people! 

So we brought Hope home and she became the alpha of our pack of dogs. Never of us. Always respectful of her human family, but her role was not one of nanny like Grace. The kids were teenagers. Hope became our confidante. She knew who to trust and who to be wary of. You felt safe with her. The first time Kyra went camping with her boyfriend, she took Hope. Never had she camped before without her father and she was not so sure her boyfriend could keep her safe. So Hope went with them. Carried her own pack, kept a stranger from intruding upon their campsite in the middle of the night, then slept between them…it was cold! 

Protective of all under her care, no other dog dared chase her cat! Pippin adored her…in spite of her great size…weighed more than me and taller than Steve on her hind legs…she was so very gentle with him. Pippin loved to roll on Hope’s bed and soak up her doggy odor. Hope walked carefully, laid down in the smallest of spaces, insisting she could fit in our lives, not matter how small the car, the room, the bed. 

She played like a Border Collie…full of energy….chasing the other two…not too much ball sense, but she loved to carry things. Especially your arm. Hope would take your arm and lead you out to the back. Come see my horses! Come see the great hole I dug, nearly caught that ground squirrel! Come, come, be with me! 

We moved deeper into Ojai when she was still a pup. A big pup, no doubt, but she became an integral part of our new lives. You see, when we moved, we got a property to fulfill three things…room for amazing gardens, a barn for the horses, and a place for my practice. When we moved to Ojai, everyone came home. Hope quickly became a therapy dog. My pediatric patients loved to be with her and of course she was gentle and patient even as a pup. Depressed adults found great comfort in the huge dog. She hated the rain, and we didn’t have a doghouse, so she spent the last couple years in the office…when it rained, if it was too cold, too hot…She loved her yard, soaking up the sun on the Saltillo patio, rolling under the oak tree, chasing squirrels in the back, but she’d rather be with me. So when I was through seeing patients, no matter if it was 5 o’clock or if I finished early at 3pm, Hope would start to “talk”. You know how Scooby-Doo talks, well that’s Great Dane. Hope would vocalize….loudly…no barking, not even whining, more like, Oh, please, please, come out and play. Let’s take a walk. The horses are hungry! Come on, you’ve been with them all day! It’s my time now! 

The “nurse” of our little ranchette, Hope kept you company when you were ill and if any of the animals fell ill, she was right there…trying to rouse a downed horse, licking his face, curling up next to him when there was nothing more to do. 

I have had lots of dogs from Irish Setters to German Shepherds, Danes, Border Collies, and a few mutts. All have been special, most were just dogs, Hope was more human. She felt greatly. An emotional dog, she mirrored your feelings and had very strong ones of her own. She was so beautiful, nearly perfect confirmation, we considered breeding her. Mostly because she suffered false pregnancies.  Every six months, about two months after her heat, she would start nesting, adopt a stuffed toy and start lactating. Within a few weeks, she acted as if her “pup” had died and she would bury it, then dig it up, curl up with it and cry. Until we got her spayed at the age of five, poor Hope would suffer post partum depression four months out of the year.

Our last Great Dane suffered false pregnancies too and upon the advice of our vet, we bred her, then spayed her. Grace never was depressed again. Not Hope. She was acutely attuned to our every emotion. She mourned the deaths of our Border Collies. When Ida died in 2007, Hope visited her grave every morning for a month. Pippin accompanied her. She would lie by the rock that covered Ida’s grave with the cat sitting on top of the rock and the two of them would…meditate. I joined them many mornings, Ida was my dog…in fact I mourned her death so intensely, that I never did write about her. Writing helps, but… 

Ida’s mother, Sara played around us…living very much in the moment as dogs are apt to do. When it was time to put Sara down after a long bout of illness, Sara greeted the vet, but Hope knew what was up and tried to block him from getting close to Sara. We talked to Hope and she lay down with us on Sara’s blanket and helped us hold the energy. Then Hope mourned Sara…sat by her rock covering her grave every morning. She was so depressed and so alone, we decided to adopt another dog. Got Charlie last year, in fact exactly a year from the day Hope died. It took a couple of days for her to get used to him, but after that I never saw a dog play so joyously with another. She never cuddled with the girl dogs, but let him sit on her bed, practically on her head! 

Romped with him in the field on the everlasting squirrel hunt nearly every morning. We were just there on Sunday, the day before she died. She was dragging a bit. I thought she was sore from climbing over rocks at the beach the day before. Didn’t realize her heart was tired. She was off her food, wouldn’t drink much, so yesterday I was syringing weak broth into her mouth. Her heart was racing, but she waited for Steve to get home, before collapsing. Of course, it was Labor Day and our vet was not available…so Steve carried her to the Suburban to drive into Ventura to the emergency animal hospital. I sat in back with her. Not a mile down the road, she lay back in my arms and died. I tried to resuscitate her. Steve pulled over and breathed for her while I did chest compressions. But she was gone. 

Steve’s right. When someone dies suddenly, their life force bursts out of them. There is no fading of energy like I described with Gran and Anita…no…Hope just burst out of herself and into the universe. No fear. Just gone. 

We buried her next to the girls. Who knew our little graveyard would get so full so soon. 

My grief is profound, but my gratitude is greater. 

Last night after wiping my tears for the umpteenth time, I prayed that I would be open to receive the gift of this encounter. And I felt Hope. “Why did you leave us so soon. Grace lived so much longer.” You needed her and she died when she was no longer needed. You needed me to go now. And I could see a portal opening. Just like the one that opened when our old horse Kitty died. I held onto her fiercely. So much so that the vet had to tell me to stop feeding her the magic formula and let her go. Just after Kitty died, the first bottle of Genesis Gold was placed in my hands. Then two months later, I began writing LoveDance. Her death preceded a great birth for me. And I have always believed that death begets birth. Now just five weeks after losing Gran and Anita, I lost Hope. I thought the third one would be our old gelding. I even made arrangements for his passing with dignified animal disposal…can’t bury a horse in the front yard…yet I know, that only one I loved greatly would be…the one to complete the triad. 

Hope and Grace…Their energies infused me…“What’s next Charity?” I could feel Hope smile. No, Joy. 

So this morning, I took a break from writing my sorrow and took Charlie for a run. We stopped by Hope’s grave and invited her along. Have you ever seen a Great Dane run? It’s a sight to behold. Her spirit soared across the fields with little Charlie. I could almost see her stop and put her great big head into a squirrel hole. Then stand over it, her soft full jowls helping her great nose capture the scent. Head cocked, so that her big velvety ears stood out like the Flying Nun. Hope was so beautiful…and she taught me so much. 

For me, the gift of Hope was: 

  • To be gentle, especially with myself.
  • To be patient with others,
  • But to ask for what I need when I need it, with passion if necessary.
  • That sometimes the best way to nurse a patient is to kiss their face and just sit with them.
  • To run with abandon, but stop and enjoy the scent of life.
  • To savor every bite, especially treats.
  • To tolerate what’s unpleasant if it’s good for me. (Don’t worry, Hope, there’s no baths in heaven)
  • To accept the gift of life…grandly with fervor, and then let go and embrace death. 

I guess we haven’t really lost Hope…we have her golden energy in our hearts. Thank you, Hope.