spiritual healing

13. THE RED CORD

Writing my novel helped me heal the Mother Wound…the original separation from the Divine Mother…as my heroine Mary Magdalen awakened to her truth as the Divine Daughter…so did I…and in doing so received the fullness of the Divine Mother.

I reconnected to Her…embodied in the Earth…enlivened in the hearts of so many women here in Ojai…mothers and grandmothers who receive me…as if I am the Divine Daughter…and I feel it. I see the Divine Daughter energy in so many others…women young and old and even a few precious men.

Nearly three years after LoveDance® was launched, I found myself facing another wound…the Father Wound—separation from the Divine Father. Yes, I had begun Book II… LoveDance® is a trilogy…and I began the second book shortly after the first was launched…I got 1/3 through the writing…and just as my heroine Mary Magdalen confronts her father wound…I could write no more!

Why? Because until I face it, live it, breathe it, am I able to write it. What I wrote in the first book became manifest for me. I did not realize the depth of the mother wound I embodied, imprinted since prenatal time, brought into this lifetime as deep karmic imprints. I had done a regression on myself many years before. Way before LoveDance® …two years before I dreamt I was Mary Magdalen walking down the streets of Nazareth, I brought myself back to the womb…Disentangled myself from maternal karmic imprints… from the Red Cord…

Looking down between my fetal thighs, I was surprised to see NO penis! No blade! How could I accomplish my mission in this form? I felt a pulsation deep in my belly, putrid fearful, coming not from me, but through the umbilical cord—the Red Cord.

It was my mother’s fear. I felt her. Her world as she perceived it…the struggle with her parents, her new husband, her fear…her fear of her mother, then…

I was in my grandmother’s womb feeling her fear through the red cord. And then in her mother’s womb feeling her mother’s fear and her mother’s and back and back in time. Like a video montage, yet I could feel the fear…yellow and acidic as bile…the pain, tears, terror…of losing children, abortions, stillborn babies. Of being raped, used as chattel, traded like beasts. Of husbands, and fathers and lovers beating us, blaming us. Of too many babies, of hunger and pain, of sending our sons off to war and our daughters into the same traps we found ourselves. Of burning at the stake, of drowning, of torture for being our truth. Of giving away our power.

Through my mother’s womb, through hers, and unto the beginning of time. Back to Eve. All of women’s woes…that was my fear. The fear I had been purging forever.
Time to release it.

I awoke with a clear intention and pure desire to release my mothers’ fear, all of my mothers.

In synchronicity that same day, I had an appointment with an energy healer. She was working with another powerful male healer. He stood at my feet, she at my head. I didn’t tell them of my vision, but lay there fully intending to release. And I did. Like a volcanic eruption of black tar, the energy exploded from my belly into the atmosphere. I felt lighter and freer than ever. I opened my eyes laughing and sat up.

The two healers were plastered against the walls of the healing room. “What was THAT?”

“That was fear! And it’s not mine!”

Then I headed to the beach, and lay on the sand, my feet in the water, the sun on my naked skin and was held by the Great Mother. My Divine Mother loves me…I am everything she ever desired in a daughter. I no longer need to purge the fear of my sex.

Excerpt from My LoveDance. Available on Amazon

10. SOULMATES

When I was sixteen, I wrote a letter to God. In the midst of my anorexia, feeling abandoned by spirit, I told God in no uncertain terms that in spite of my mission on earth if my beloved did not show up soon, I would not make it.

Soon after I met my soul mate in a dream…long golden curls, sky blue eyes, the body of Adonis…I awoke with hope and wonder. Where was he?

Suddenly my parents decided that my high school was too far away (I rode the bus over an hour and half to get there everyday) and the growing tension between the white and black kids was not the best environment for my younger sisters (although I had been going to this interracial school for two and half years and learned to make friends with the leaders of the black girls who looked out for me). So in the spring of my junior year I left all my friends and transferred to the high school closest to my parents’ business.

And on the first morning of track practice, we were told to partner with another athlete to stretch. All the other kids quickly found a partner. I turned to my left and there He was. Sky blue eyes, long golden curls, body of Adonis with a very Greek name to match—Stefanos Darius Maragopoulos—but everyone called him Steve.

The first time I looked into his eyes, I knew.

My soul mate. The one I dreamt. The one I asked God to send.

We were only kids! What was God thinking?

It took awhile to settle into the gift. We don’t always receive gifts right away. We question our worth. We wonder how it’s possibly going to work out. We thank the Divine and question It at the same time. At least I did.

Steve and I took our time getting reacquainted with one another. He was very patient for a sixteen year old. We talked about everything. We are both first born. He had two brothers. I had three sisters. His family was very poor. Mine was middle class. He was being raised by a single mother…divorced twice from abusive relationships. His father was somewhere in Greece. Although it seemed that I had raised myself, my parents were still together. My family loved him.

The summer before my senior year in high school, my grandparents came from Philadelphia. The first time they met Steve, Poppop kissed him. My grandparents were very Italian and men kissed each other. All my sisters’ boyfriends were put off by this custom. Not Steve.

A good Greek boy, Steve welcomed Pop’s kiss. Una raza, una faza. One race, one face. When Steve returned the embrace, Pop took me aside and said, “You better keep this one, Poppy.” I did.

Recently our firstborn asked how to know if the person you’re attracted to is The One. I told him it came down to the first feeling you have when you meet. Jarys asked what I felt when I met his Dad. I remember so clearly. I felt Safe.

Safe to unveil my heart and be my truth. Since that fateful ice cream cone. I had used my anorexia to hide Me. There was no hiding with Steve. I revealed everything. Even the ugly parts. And he accepted all of me. He loved me unconditionally. I had never known love like his.

Steve said that the feeling he had when he first met me was…Home. He felt that he had come home. He still feels the same and so do I.

And when I look into his sky blue eyes, I see myself as Love.

All we have been through over the past 38 years…the deaths, the divorces, the difficult decisions, the challenging careers, the tremendous soul growth that often feels like we have lived many lives in one…all has been transformed into joy. I counsel a lot of people and as a police officer and a coach, so does Steve.

We are eternally grateful for being together this long and still so very much in love. We are best friends, still passionately attracted to each other, great partners in creating our amazing life. I used to see myself as ahead of him on our spiritual path…yet no more, for clearly we are in tandem…taking turns leading when the other needs a rest. And family, friends, and strangers come to us for advice on relationships. And all I can say is how we got here is by choosing Love.

Excerpt from My LoveDance. Available on Amazon

4. SEVEN YEAR CYCLES

MY LOVEDANCE -EBOOK IS FREE ON AMAZON FROM DECEMBER 8-13, 2016

I am multi-sensory. We all are. Yet rarely admit it. Being clairsentient, clairvoyant, clairaudient is our nature, a soulful means of interpreting reality. When I was a little girl, I thought everyone felt the plants, heard the animals, saw the energies hovering over the earth and around people. I thought everyone had lucid dreams, knew the answers on tests, could tell what their parents were feeling in spite of their words. I still think we all have this capability. Yet most of us are taught that the world of the imaginal is just that…imagination. Not real.

I have a curious mind. My left brain is extremely active. I need to organize what I know. Bridge the gap between feeling and logic. I love numbers, math, patterns. There is a flow to life. Six months before my 50th birthday, I consulted with an astrologer who charted my life in 29 year lunar cycles. I was fascinated with the accuracy of interpretation. I was born under a tiny crescent moon on the Spring Equinox of 1961. My life has unfolded beautifully in seven year cycles…and it’s happening again.

In 2003, I birthed my nutraceutical Genesis Gold and my book LoveDance. Both have changed my life dramatically. A week before Genesis Gold was finally bottled my beloved old mare died, then a week after that, the man who helped me get my creation manufactured died. Death has preceded birth every single time…My life has unfolded in seven year cycles…like the phases of the moon…

September 26, 1969. I am eight years old. A great fire is raging in the dry hills behind our neighborhood. I am holding the ladder steady so my mother will not fall as she waters down our roof to prevent our house from catching fire. My sisters are watching television…the debut of The Brady Bunch…I really want to see it. Yet I am separated from the children. I am older than them…not just in age but my soul is older. All our neighbors are packing up their cars. They’re leaving. My mother is very worried. My father is not here. In that moment as my mother’s fear and anger pours down upon me like the smoke pouring down the hillside, I feel the weight of the world. The death of innocence…preceded the year before by the first death in my life. Our Easter bunny was killed by our Samoyed. Life is precious. You have to take care of the ones you love. I have spent the past seven years taking care of my parents and sisters. The next seven years, I learn how to depend solely on me.

Summer of 1975. I am fourteen. Walking with my sisters back to the pool. Poppop just bought us ice cream. Daddy is behind us talking to Pop. He calls up to me, “Debbie, your elbows are showing.” I know exactly what he means. It is our family code for “your bathing suit has crept up your butt”. Deftly I remedy the situation, yet this time I hear in his voice a different tone and I feel strange. Daddy sees me as a young woman. I look around me…three little sisters I am responsible for, a mother who feels diminished, a grandmother here on holiday but not here to support me through this time…she fears the blood as much as Momma, as much as every adult woman I know. I look at the ice cream dripping down my hand. This is the last ice cream I will ever eat. That moment I become anorexic. By the time I start high school, I’m twenty pounds lighter. My periods and breasts are gone. And I experience the second death…I find my mare’s aborted foal and take it to school so my biology teacher can display it in a giant pickle jar. Science intrigues me. For seven years, I devote my energy to being the top in my class…fully cognizant that I am preparing for a career in health care…to legitimize my “knowing”.

December, 1982. I am twenty-one. My beloved grandparents finally come to live in California. As soon as Poppop steps off the plane, I know he’s dying. I cannot save him. Three weeks later we bury him. Only six months before I graduate from UCLA nursing school, I vow to never lose another patient. This begins a long cycle of my savior complex. It is seven years from Poppop’s death before I see him in my dreams. Seven tough years of transition, loss, growth. Graduation, first job as an RN, getting married, moving away from home to begin a new life, birthing my son prematurely, getting my masters degree, birthing my daughter. Lots of birth followed Poppop’s death. The cycle of birth and death well set now. My eating disorder has transformed from anorexia to bulimia. Only purging relieves me of the great pain of never being enough.

Spring of 1990. I am working as a family nurse practitioner at an urgent care. I pick up a chart and start to enter an exam room, but the doctor I’m working with takes the chart and hands me another. An HMO patient she doesn’t want to see. Compensation is poor and her hands are tied within managed care. I don’t want to be party to what I predict will become a managed care fiasco so I get involved with my professional nurse practitioner association and begin courting a private doctor. I spend six years under his employment making great money, increasing my skills and confidence while learning to balance motherhood, partnership, and career. Spiritually…a time of discovery… outside of the dogma I learned in the church. Still bulimia rules my days, sleep walking rules my nights, I can never do enough, be enough…

The death that preceded that birth cycle…our German Shepherd pup died suddenly in the fall of 1989. My husband was so broken hearted…Jarys consoled him on the back patio—put his little arm around his sobbing father’s shoulders—told his father that souls are like rental videos that must be returned to God….that night Poppop comes to me in a dream…the first time since he died.

September 5, 1996. I am trying to resuscitate my daughter’s puppy. Her screams fill my senses. Kyra dreamt its death. I console her with trepidation. My own dreams are so real, I act them out nearly every night. I am a sleepwalker. So thoroughly immersed in the obsessive compulsive nature of bulimia, I cannot do enough to keep from feeling so very deeply. I obsessively exercise as a competitive triathlete. My body fat is so low that I do not have periods. I am ready for change, tired of working as an employee in conventional medicine. So I create change…As a regional representative then state president of the California Coalition of Nurse Practitioners, I lead my colleagues to improve our professional status, like prescribing privileges and malpractice coverage for independent nurse practitioners. And in July of 1997, I birth my own private practice—Full Circle Family Health.

The cocoon for my greatest transformation, within Full Circle Family Health, I learn a great deal about holistic healing, the biochemistry of the neuro-immune-endocrine system, how to integrate alternative therapies with conventional medicine. I develop a holistic model of Intuitive Integrative Medicine, collect loads of empirical data, create a nutritional product—Genesis Gold—that would become the foundation of my healing practice. In fact Genesis Gold would provide my hypothalamus with the necessary nutrients to finally heal my obsessive bulimic state of mind and more so, discover the psycho-spiritual roots of this dis-ease.

July 2002. We move to the house in my dreams…a little yellow house with white shutters…with room for my family, my horses and my practice. Finally I bring Full Circle Family Health home and begin living my most authentic life. Healing energy emanates from every corner of the property. Our animals serve therapeutic roles. Even the herb garden, the fruit trees and the flowers play their part in healing me, my family, my patients and my staff. Finally I am living my dreams.

And oh, yes…since I first consumed the Sacred Seven amino acids…the formula that would become the secret sauce in Genesis Gold… my sleep walking ceased. I slept peacefully through the night, began having regular periods, before starting the menopausal shift 5 years after my younger sisters. My bulimia abated as my obsessive compulsive nature mellowed. More so, my soul growth has been profound…and unlike so many of the spiritual gurus I have treated over the years who suffered physically while seeking enlightenment, I have experienced optimal health physically, emotionally and mentally.

By the Spring Equinox 2011, I had completed seven – seven year cycles. Death filled the year before my 50th birthday—first Steve’s Gran then two days later a beloved patient, and then Hope, our beloved Great Dane died on September 5th—fourteen years after Kyra’s puppy. The last death was Bulimic Deb….

Excerpt from My LoveDance

AVAILABLE ON AMAZON

3. SNAKE MEDICINE

MY LOVEDANCE -EBOOK IS FREE ON AMAZON FROM DECEMBER 8-13, 2016

On a hot summer morning, my last day of vacation before work resumes, I am searching for something on the back of my horse. Shane has a hesitant energy about her, barn-sour perhaps, missing her goat. I ask her to move on, but she stops three times on the trail. Charlie, my border collie-greyhound mix tucks himself under her tail. Both are usually gregarious, anxious to get out, to run side by side. Not today.

I reminisce. Our vacation in Cancun last week was amazing. A heart felt sensuous discovery. Kundalini energy rising from the alabaster sand through the turquoise sea and into puffy white clouds floating in the azure sky. Serpentine spirals floating in my heart chakra. I see these same serpentine energies—a dance of silver and gold—arising from my pituitary into my crown, down my spine and into my mare’s. Her hooves solidify our connection to the earth.

At the crest of the trail, the watering hole is dry. I dismount at the fire gate and water the dog. My mare is anxious, and Charlie drinks little attending only to her. As I mount up, Shane moves out from under me. Not her usual behavior. “Come on” I say, “Just a short ride up the keyhole and we’ll return.” Shane settles into herself, Charlie at her heels, to trot briskly up the single track. On our left the mountain rises, on our right a 50 foot drop to a dry creek bed. The dusty trail is but three foot wide. We are going too fast.

Before I can check her, my mare leaps. I hear rattling. I look back to see Charlie leap too. Over a huge snake, five to six feet in length, rattling its warning as it tries to cross the trail to the safety of the brushy cliff side. The dog looks back. I call for him. The snake’s rattling follows us as we descend to a wider part of the trail.

I feel exhilarated. I know all is well. That both animals are fine. I wrapped us all in white light before we left, but dutifully dismount to check them for puncture wounds. They are fine just excited. Not frothing with fear, but energized, ready to run. I know Snake has purposefully crossed my path.

On the way home I remember losing a day on the beaches of Mexico. I woke up feeling poisoned. My body ached, skin sensitive to the touch, nauseated, dizzy. Was it the sun? The margaritas? Dancing all night? I’ve done all before and never felt so sick, not hung over, but poisoned. Finally I purged the toxins onto the sand and slept the day away, dreaming serpentine images. Did I transmute snake medicine then?

Before I fall asleep that night, I set my intentions to dream of snake. And Snake comes. This time lying flat on a platform, neatly folded in half, head to tail. I am observing in this dream. Participating yet also observing. I, as a young woman, kneel with a dustpan to sweep very close to the snake. I tell her to get back or the snake will strike. Without a warning rattle, Snake bites her right hand. I go to her and she transforms into a baby. I cradle her in my arms, the poison mottling her tender skin. Before I can take her to the emergency room, others try to kill the snake. They do a poor job and I stop them. I cannot save this snake, but I do kneel by its partially severed head and release its spirit with gratitude before finishing the kill. I take the head and slip it into a purse which rests against my solar plexus.

The doctors take their time in treating the baby. When they finally arrive it has been 22 hours since she was bitten. Her entire body is mottled yellowish green, yet she is conscious, cooing at me. A female physician takes a huge irrigation syringe filled with what looks like marinade and flushes the baby orally. The mottling disappears. I ask what is in the syringe. “Oh, it’s lemon juice, orange juice, olive oil, hot pepper and melon!” Similar to my gallbladder flush recipe. The doctor smiles, “We do this for the parents. The child knows how to transmute the poison.”

The baby has gotten up, transformed now to a toddler. She looks at me. It is me as a toddler…big green doe eyes, dark thick hair, and my child says to me the adult, “I have been transmuting poisons all my life.”

I wake up in gratitude for Snake medicine.

Excerpt from My LoveDance – Now Available on Amazon

AVAILABLE ON AMAZON

Disentangle Your Cords of Attachment

We tend to become entangled with those we love, those we hate, those we have any strong emotion. The old paradigm is to cut the cords of attachment, but we can never cut ourselves off from anything in creation. The time is ripe to learn a new paradigm. Learning to disentangle from others can be a challenge and a blessing.

“As we loosen our bindings to this reality, the hayye (energy) of potential can shift. When we surrender those we love to the One, we free them to experience life without the limitations of our relationship.”
From page 453 of LoveDance: Awakening the Divine Daughter

Here’s an article I wrote on how to Disentangle Your Cords of Attachment

May you be Free to Receive Abundant Joy,

Deborah

Hello world!

I am a woman, a mother, a sister, a wife.

I am a friend, a teacher, a dancer, a healer.

I am on a great journey to find my Self.

Join me.

In 1984, I gave birth to a very special baby. Stumping medical experts, my son faced adversity with the wisdom of an old soul becoming my impetus to bridge the gap between the physical and the spiritual. During the harmonic convergence in 1987, I conceived a daughter. Consciously parenting two enlightened children prepared the way for an influx of Indigo children and their parents forcing me to expand my conventional medical training into a holistic healing model.

I am a board certified family nurse practitioner specializing in neuro-immune-endocrinology. I have a busy holistic practice—Full Circle Family Health—and created a nutritional formula to support my patients on their healing journeys—Genesis Gold®. Although I promised my patients and colleagues to finally reveal my secrets to optimal health in a self help book, the universe had different plans for me. My life’s work morphed into a novel.

Writing a story was like conceiving a child—passionate emotion—publishing was like a very long gestation—growing, changing, waiting—now in the presale period, I feel like I’m in transition—the baby’s stuck in the birth canal and my ob-gyn is out playing golf! So I blog this enlightening journey as I wait for LoveDance: Awakening the Divine Daughter to be born. {She’s due this fall…I hope I can remember the Lamaze breathing J}

As it turns out, I did write a healing book. Everything I wished to teach—the bio-psycho-spiritual healing lessons—are in LoveDance—in story form, the way a beloved avatar taught some two thousand years ago.

Abundant Joy, Deborah