April 9th, 2004 Since so much that I’ve written has happened, I wondered… if Mary can read minds why can’t I? Of course I know what Steve is thinking, but we’ve been together so long. So at Border’s I was in line to get a latte and a few moments later it felt like my pants fell off! I twirled around and the man directly behind me backed away guiltily. “You better watch what you think,” I warned and he tuck-tailed it out of there! Sipping my latte, I told the universe that was too much information.
April 18th, 2004 Steve dreamt of the compound then and in the future, slipping through the portal and enacted a scene nearly identical to one I wrote about Teoma even naming the characters, the events. Still he has yet to read anything I have written. I must quell my passion to keep from slipping more and more into the parallel universes. There is no time, all exists in the now. Often I am in both places here in Ojai and there in Galilee, so much poetic remembrance. I am blessed to be connected to sacred unity slipping in and out of bliss while I travel my path.
April 20th, 2004 Eight moon cycles to the day, I am finished! We celebrated with dear friends who I believe were with us in the past. Since the conception of this book they’ve remodeled a home in Palm Springs like those of Qumran, sharing with us their love for the desert. I wonder why? J The synchronicities never end!
Jan 23rd, 2004 My walking meditation revealed that I need to express my gratitude. I do for Steve, the children, this writing, my ethereal connections, my patients and family. Perhaps I do not give myself fully because I am afraid of the fullness of my power. Before I sink into despair the universe offers a gift. A patient I helped wrote to thank me for helping her, yet it was she who helped me see that depression is lack of self love and appreciation. I have compassion for the human condition for I feel very much connected to my form in this earthly density.
Feb 1st, 2004 writing the Qumran experience is unnerving for what I have envisioned does not jive with what the scholars of the Dead Sea scrolls believe existed in the ancient Essene city. When I called my rabbi friend for advice she said to “forget 2000 years of Victorian Christendom and just be Mary!” I told her of my visions while writing the desert scene and she was surprised, claiming that what I “saw” is what kabbalists believe. How could I know what is only revealed word of mouth unless I was there? She believes in past lives. Sometimes I don’t know for it feels more like I’m living in two realities at once—the one two thousand years ago infusing remembrance of my potential into the present. The writing goes slowly for my emotive nature as Mary creates such drama; everything has sharp defined flavors—bitter sorrow, sweet joy, salty frustration.
Feb 20th, 2003 Steve expressed concern about the book coming out. That I might not complete the work, that I’m more enchanted by the journey than the destination. And I am but that is the point of this life—the joy of the journey. Besides I have finished everything else I planned: my education, my professional leadership, my private practice, the children nearly grown, still happily married. Except the hormone book. I think he believes it would be more legitimate and thus safer. Perhaps but I have faith that this first draft will be completed this spring.